


Resistance

by neonthoughts



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: I cannot believe how old this is, M/M, Resistance, phanfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-25
Updated: 2013-07-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:42:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 51,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26282839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neonthoughts/pseuds/neonthoughts
Summary: Dan moved up to Manchester after his already successful parents got a promotion and moved to be closer to work. Dan is lonely seeing as his parents are always too busy for him. Since birth, he’s had a life plan that he is to follow exactly, though he wants to create his own future. He meets a really quiet kid, Phil, who never talks to anyone and is known as “Freaky Phil” by everyone in school. Dan decides to give the boy a chance, though Phil isn’t exactly the easiest person to talk to…
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Kudos: 3





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this fic in 2013 with John/insertyoutuberquotehere but since he doesn't have an AO3, I can't tag him as a co-writer
> 
> I cannot believe how old this fic is! I know a lot of people enjoyed reading it back in the day, so I figured I would upload it to my AO3 account for you to reread (or read for the first time). After rereading it myself, I'm shocked at how much better at writing I have gotten. Part of me wants to do a rewrite to make it hella better, but the other part of me wants to keep all of its flaws, clunky phrases, and cringy rhythm to remind me of how far I have come.
> 
> I hope that by uploading this, I can hit you with a wave of nostalgia back to easier times. Thank you for the wonderful years in the Phandom and letting me express myself through my writing ^_^
> 
> -placentaandllamas (yikes what a terrible username I used to have)

Dan stood outside his new home watching the moving guys carry everything in his new house. He held onto his backpack filled with the things he used on the car ride up and held onto it tightly.

“Hey mum! Need any help with-”

“Not now, Daniel.” She interrupted chatting away on her phone to a client.

Dan walked to the back of the truck and grabbed a box with his electronics and gaming systems in it and walked inside the massive house. It was even bigger than their old one back in Reading.

“Dad, where’s my room?” Dan called into the vast space, his voice bouncing off the walls. “Dad!”

“Daniel! I’m busy!” He shouted back from what Dan could only guess was the study.

He sighed and climbed up the stairs in hunt of a place to set his things. Both of Dan’s parents were very successful in their jobs–his mum working for a high end business and his father, a lawyer for their own family firm. Dan’s mum had gotten a promotion forcing them to move from their small mansion in Reading to a giant one in Manchester seeing as that’s where her new office was set up.

He climbed the marble staircase taking a peek into each room until finally finding one that he assumed his parents wanted him to take. It was a large room, already set up with his king size bed and flat screen TV mounted on the wall. Dan set his box down next to the TV deciding he’d figure out plugging everything in later. He looked out his window into the backyard where they already had a gardener at work planting flowers around the cobblestone pathway and the massive fountain in the middle. He looked over and saw a patio complete with a table and chairs, though it was stupid to have it cause it’s not like they’d ever eat there. His parents are always at work or too busy to even get a few sentences in.

“Ready to start school tomorrow, Daniel?” Christopher, Dan’s private tutor asked.

“I guess.” Dan replied shrugging.

“You guess?” Christopher questioned crossing his arms.

“I suppose.” Dan corrected himself. “I am.”

“Well done. We’ll begin your independent studies after classes. For now, I’ll set up your study so we may begin promptly.”

“Sounds good, Chris.”

“Ahem.”

“Sorry. I’ll see you tomorrow, Christopher.”

“Right. Goodnight Daniel. Happy moving.” He called over his shoulder as he left Dan’s room.

“Yeah.” Dan mumbled under his breath looking around his empty room.

He debated whether he should unpack his own things or leave it to the maids. He looked at his blank walls wishing he could hang things up like posters, stickers–anything to give his room personality. But much like the rest of his life, everything had a set way and to deviate from that was wrong. Since birth, Dan’s entire life had been planned out: he’d begin his studies at a young age to be ahead of everyone and have a private tutor on top of that. He would study piano and get scholarships for his ability to play and his high marks. He’d go to university to study Law and take over the family business and marry a nice woman. They’d have kids until a son was born to take over the family business and that’s how things would go. That’s how Dan’s father was raised, and his father before him. Dan was no exception to the rule.

Yet, at the same time, he was. He loved piano, but that was the only thing he had in common with his life plan. He hated the extra studying. He liked girls, but found it easier to imagine himself marrying a guy, though he’d never tell his parents that. He hated Law and would much rather become an actor and despite telling his parents about his aspired future plans, he was still on track to become a lawyer. ‘You’ll love it! It’s the family business and you’re too intelligent to be an actor.’ His father always told him.

Dan pulled his phone out of his pocket to check for any texts from his friends back home and not surprisingly found it empty. He’d been quite popular at his old school, though only because of his financial status. Once he announced he was leaving, his “friends” seemed to have forgotten how to text or message him, but they were sure to remember to delete him off their Facebooks and Twitters. Despite Dan’s efforts to talk to any of them, he was always met with an empty inbox.

“Good evening, Daniel.” one of his family’s maids greeted him knocking on his door.

“Evening.” Dan nodded back as she got to work hanging up his clothes and unpacking the boxes that had been set in his room.

Dan got off his bed kicking off his shoes and hopping down the stairs already bored with his new home.

“Daniel, have you practiced yet today?” his mum asked holding her phone between her shoulder and ear while she shuffled through papers.

“Not yet. I-”

“Get to it then.” She ordered waving him away. “No, not you, my son. Sorry now what was that proposal?”

Dan groaned loudly rolling his eyes. He can’t even get more than a few words in with either of his parents without being waved away or sent to do something else. He wandered around looking for his grand piano he was sure his parents brought.

“Where is it?” He called to anyone who’d answer him.

“Where is what?” Christopher asked emerging from a side room.

“My piano.”

“What about your piano Daniel? Full sentences.”

“Where is my piano?” Dan groaned trying not to roll his eyes.

“Right this way.” Christopher smiled waving his hand for Dan to follow.


	2. Chapter 2

“Good morning, Daniel! Chef has breakfast prepared downstairs. Get a move on.” a maid greeted Dan pushing his curtains open to let the sun in.

He felt the covers being pulled off him exposing him to the cold morning air making him shiver and curl into a ball. The maid’s heels clicked frantically as she began to prepare his shower and get his uniform set out being sure to iron out all the creases. Dan reluctantly stood up pulling a robe over himself seeing as his parents would not accept him to come downstairs in only his boxers - his usual sleep attire. 

After a quick breakfast and shower, Dan was dressed in his uniform and ready to go to his first day at his new school. On the way there, Dan was able to convince his chauffeur to drop him off a block away and made him promise not to tell his parents. Hopping out of the massive black Escalade limo, he tossed his backpack over his shoulder and walked towards his new school blending into the mass hoard of students gathering. The thing that sucked about moving schools in the middle of the year was that everyone already had their group of friends. Dan promised himself not to get mixed in with a popular crowd again as that didn’t seem to work for him last time, but as he got closer his nerves got the best of him. Who’s going to show him around? Or sit with him at lunch? Who is he going to talk to and laugh with during class and who is he going to hang out with after school? He shook his head to clear his thoughts and walked into school holding his head high. He stopped at the first door on the right to ask where the office was so he could register and hopefully get someone to show him to his first class.

“Daniel Howell?” A tall lady asked holding out her hand for a shake. “I’m Headmaster Alexander. Welcome to Highbrook Academy.”

“Thank you.” Dan nodded holding his bag tighter to him studying her.

She was shorter than him, though to be fair, if she was taller she would be terrifying. Something about the way she stood intimidated him. She seemed like she wasn’t a force to be reckoned with. Her purple crescent glasses stood at the tip of her nose and her grey hair was pulled into a tight bun at the back of her head - not a hair out of place. She wore a dark purple business suit with matching high heels and held a file in her hand with ‘Daniel J. Howell’ printed on the tab in black ink.

“I believe you’ll fit right in here, Mr. Howell.” She began grabbing at Dan’s arm to lead him out of her office for the grand tour.

The entire time, she spoke about the school’s history and people of worth that attended before him. He stayed quiet, pretending to listen while he peeked in the classrooms seeing everyone either taking notes or participating in their labs. They stopped outside room 317 giving her time to smooth out her suit before handing him a sheet of paper and holding the door open. Dan held his head high like his etiquette teachers taught him and walked in to meet his new classmates.

“You must be…Daniel.” his new teacher read from an attendance sheet.

“Yes sir.” Dan replied giving him a small smile.

“Well Daniel, take a seat where you like. I’m Mr. Hayes and I’m your English teacher for this year.”

“Glad to meet you.” he mumbled shuffling to his seat hoping no one else heard.

The teachers and staff made it clear they know his parents and their influence, but he’d rather not have his classmates know. Dan sat near the middle on the left side and smiled at the students around him while they smiled and waved back - all but some quiet kid keeping his nose in his notebook. Probably an art student. Headmaster Alexander left after speaking with Mr. Hayes for a bit giving him time to get some things out.

“Hi Daniel, I’m Allison.” One girl smiled twirling her hair around her finger.

“Nice to meet you.” Dan smiled kindly grabbing a pen and notebook.

Christopher keeps getting mad at Dan because he never took notes during school. He actually ended up telling his parents on Dan and as much as he didn’t want to, Dan figured he could jot down a few things. He could at least pretend to pay attention and have questions on books he’s already read and sentence structures he constantly uses and practices.

“Nice accent. Where are you from?” She asked kicking her leg a bit.

“Reading.”

“Why’d you move all the way up here?”

“My mum had a job offer so we took it.”

Dan didn’t really know why he was talking to her, though he guessed it could help him make friends.

“Sorry to budge in. I’m Chloe.” the girl in front of him smiled.

“Hi.” he smiled back.

Maybe making friends wouldn’t be too hard after all. Mr. Hayes gave everyone a few minutes to talk while he gathered a summary of things Dan missed and would need to catch up on, though Dan was sure he already had done whatever his teacher could throw at him with Christopher. He tried his best to remember the names of everyone around him. Besides Chloe and Allison, he also met Tyler, Zachary, Alyssa, and Liam. As Mr. Hayes called the class to attention, everyone spun around and began to frantically take notes on what he was writing on the board and lecturing. Another lecture on Frankenstein. He had to have read that book at least ten times - though it was one of the better ones he’s read. He analyzed it, written papers for it, and even memorized parts of it for Christopher so he found himself quickly falling into a daydream. Propping his head up with his hand, Dan drew lazy circles on his paper and thought about theater. For a brief moment, he wondered if this school had a drama club or some sort of stage production he can be involved in before snapping out of it.

“Daniel?” Mr. Hayes asked.

“Yes?” He replied perking his head up.

“Can you tell me what Victor meant when he said,‘Seek happiness in tranquility and avoid ambition’? I don’t assume you’ve read it yet, but just based on that line, give me your best analysis.” Mr. Hayes smiled genuinely at him.

Dan nearly had to stop himself from laughing. The amount of times Christopher had asked him this or the amount of times he referenced it was unbelievable.

“Well sir, I believe Victor is a bit biased, don’t you? How can he give good advice to anyone after ruining his own life? That’s basically what he’s saying after all. Don’t pursue anything and be happy with tranquility. I think that’s rubbish. It’s okay to have ambition as long as it doesn’t involve assembling a giant creature out of dead body parts, bringing it to life, and abandoning it. Victor was so obsessed in learning about the secrets of heaven, that was all he cared about; injecting the essence of life into this gathering of parts and calling it creation.” Dan replied picking up his pen to start tapping while everyone turned to stare.

“Very good! Well done Daniel!” Mr. Hayes almost sang making Dan blush bright red.

Did he really become teacher’s pet? His first day? He sank in his seat deciding he’d have to not try as hard-though that wasn’t exactly him trying hard at all.

“You’re really smart.” Allison whispered leaning over.

“Uh, thanks.” he replied pretending to take notes again.

He kept his head down trying to inconspicuously look around to make sure no one would make fun of him and relaxed a bit when he saw no one seemed to care. He let out a sigh twisting his neck to crack it when he spotted a pair of light blue eyes gazing at him. The kid from before who’d kept his head down when he came in was full on staring at Dan making him squirm. As soon as the black haired boy noticed Dan caught him, he snapped his head back to his drawing turning a darker shade of red than Dan did. Dan smiled to himself hoping to at least catch the guy’s name so he could ask his friends about him later.


	3. Chapter 3

At lunch, Dan was invited to sit with the same people from his English class. Allison and Chloe were sure to secure the spots next to Dan while Tyler seemed a bit pushy to sit across from him.

“So Daniel, tell us about yourself.” Chloe smiled leaning in a bit too close for comfort.

“You can call me Dan if you want.” Dan replied taking out his lunch bag and pouring out the contents.

“Dan. Okay.” Allison cut in before Chloe could say anything picking a stray hair off his uniform shirt.

“Yeah.” Dan nodded uncomfortable at the amount of attention he was getting.

Do they know? Did the teachers tell them of his family’s wealth? Or are they just being nice and making him feel welcome? Dan turned to look at Liam who just rolled his eyes at him shoving his sandwich in his mouth. Part of Dan wanted to ask Liam if he was okay, but the other part didn’t want to push anything. The whole Frankenstein thing already had him skating on thin ice and he didn’t want to ruin what he had with his new group. Dan took a bite from his sandwich chewing it slowly, keeping it to one side of his mouth in the event someone asked him something and he’d have to talk again.

“Pete! James! Hey man.” Zachery greeted two more boys as they took a seat squeezing in next to him. “Guys, this is Dan. Dan, Pete and James.”

“Hello.” Dan waved swallowing. “How are you?”

“Just come from tea with the Queen, yeah?” Pete asked while James snickered.

“Uh- no. I-”

“Shut up dickhead!” Chloe glared grabbing onto Dan’s arm. “Ignore them Dan. They just take the piss out of anyone who’ll let them. I think your accent is sexy.”

“Um- thanks.” Dan blushed looking into his lap hoping he wasn’t giving off a wrong impression to anyone.

He had no idea of this group’s history: who dated who, who cheated and who stayed faithful, who’s into girls and who’s into guys and if that’s even okay by this group’s standards. Would they hate Dan if he was dating a guy? He found himself lacking knowledge that actually mattered making him feel small - insignificant. He looked past everyone and saw that black haired boy with the light blue eyes from English trying to slide through the crowds to run out of the cafeteria.

“Hey, where’s he going?” Dan pointed over Tyler’s shoulder. “Should we invite him over?”

“Freaky Phil? No way!” James laughed while Liam and Pete joined in.

“No, just leave him.” Alyssa cut in their laughter. “He likes to be alone anyways. He’s just a really weird kid.”

“What makes his so weird?” Dan pressed.

“He just is!” Zachery continued for Alyssa. “He never talks. Like, ever. Not even when he’s called on.”

“Maybe he’s shy.” Dan offered making the entire table break out laughing.

“No Dan. You don’t understand.” Tyler said as he was the first to calm down. “He’s stupid or something. I guess his voice box broke when he was born or something.”

Dan bit his tongue to stop himself from informing Tyler that there was no such thing as a voice box and that human sound came from a vibration in the vocal chords.

“He’s a lost cause, Dan. He doesn’t talk to anyone and no one talks to him.” Zachery supplied snatching Liam’s bag of crisps.

“Give that back you wanker!” Liam laughed pouncing on Zachery. “Give it to me!”

“Funny, your mum said the same thing to me last night.” Zachery laughed while everyone joined in again much to Liam’s distaste.

“That’s fucking sick man.” he glowered snatching the bag back.

Dan sighed propping his head up with his hand again taking another bite of his sandwich while Chloe and Allison fought for his attention. Phil didn’t seem like too bad of a guy, but at this point, Dan needed to secure his place with these people first. He joined in the conversation anytime he had something relatable, intelligent, or funny to say and soon found himself feeling more accepted. Hanging out with the popular kids isn’t exactly what he wanted, but these guys seemed nice enough.

***

A few days later

Dan found it hard having to tell his new friends every day that he can’t hang out after school making up excuses like ‘I need to unpack’ and ‘Can’t today, sorry!’ seeing as he didn’t want to tell them the truth: ‘Sorry, I need to go home and study with my private tutor for a few hours then practice piano for another two, but after I eat whatever Chef cooks for me we can do something’ because how pretentious does that sound! Luckily, it was Friday which meant no private tutor, no piano (unless he wanted to of course), just freedom. His parents allowed Dan to spend his weekends like every other kid as long as he didn’t go too crazy. Only one more class and he was free to hang out with his friends outside of school. Dan grabbed his things he needed for Trigonometry and headed upstairs. The one thing that sucked about trig was that his friends weren’t in it seeing as they took Geometry knowing the teacher just gave everyone A’s just so he wouldn’t have to grade any papers.

“Hush!” Mrs. Schneider screamed over the class to silence everyone. “Out loud, everyone list the trigonometric identities. I want to see everyone’s lips moving, or you’ll stand up and say them alone to the whole class.”

Dan rolled his eyes. He hated this class. Not only because the teacher was the spawn of Satan himself, but because trig in general just sucked. It was just sine, cosine, and tangent over and over, not to mention all the graphing.

“Sine of theta equals one over cosecant of theta.” Dan droned along with the rest of the class.

He looked over to Phil whose head was still bent over in that drawing book of his not moving his lips. Dan gave him an apologetic look hoping she wouldn’t make him recite it to the class. Mrs. Schneider looked right at Phil, but continued to listen to us groan the identities. Why does he get a pass? Is she bluffing? Dan stared at Phil with a confused look not noticing he stopped talking.

“Mr. Howell, is there something interesting you’re looking at you’d like to share with the class?” she snapped at him. “Something more important than trigonometry?”

“No ma’am.” Dan replied shaking his head vigorously. “Sorry.”

“I know you’re new here, Daniel, but that gives you no excuse. To the front of the class. Identities. Now.” she glared as Dan made his way to the front of the room.

“Sine of theta equals one over cosecant of theta, cosine of theta equals one over secant of theta, and tangent of theta equals one over cotangent of theta.” Dan easily recited like he was simply spelling his name looking over at Phil who continued drawing.

“Good. Now take your seat. Seeing as it’s Friday, for a special treat, we’re going to learn how to graph sine, cosine, tangent, cosecant, secant and cotangent without our calculators.” Mrs. Schneider announced as Dan shuffled back to his desk taking out his notebook.

He could already graph the identities without a calculator. He could since he was 14. But fearing the wrath of his teacher, he pretended to take in depth notes taking casual glances at Phil who continued to draw. Why does he get a free pass? Is he some genius who is only in school because it’s the law? Or does he just not care about getting in trouble or his grades? Instead of listening to the “Freaky Phil” rumors, Dan decided to find out for himself and just ask Phil why he had a free pass. I mean, the worst that could happen is that he blows Dan off, then Dan has a reason to not like Phil and he can go about his day. As soon as the bell rang, Dan swipped everything off his desk, turning towards Phil’s desk and seeing him already gone. Dan cursed to himself and rushed out the door, but lost him in the sea of students beginning to crowd the hallway. Dan looked around trying to spot him hoping his black mop would stand out among the hoard, but it didn’t help at all. Giving up his search, Dan walked to his locker tossing some random spirals in there to show Christopher just as a check and flung it over his back smacking someone in the process.

“Oh shit, I’m so sorry.” Dan gasped turning around to help the person grab whatever they dropped.

In front of him stood Phil looking like he’d just seen a ghost. He stared at Dan with his icy blue eyes chilling Dan to his core. In Phil’s paralyzed state, Dan bent down to pick up his drawing book and was astounded at what he saw on the page that was flipped open.

“Is that me?” Dan asked studying the drawing.


	4. Chapter 4

Phil’s whole body shook and he took the notebook from Dan’s hands, running passed him and out the door of the school.

“Wait!” Dan called chasing after him looking completely insane.

Phil didn’t turn back, running down the sidewalk as he knew Dan was following him.

“Can you please stop?” Dan called almost sounding whiny.

Though in his defense, the ground hid ice patches well and he didn’t feel like falling flat on his ass in front of most of the school. Phil didn’t stop, but slowed to a walk. He really did not want to have this boy around him- he just wanted to get home.

“Thank you.” Dan sighed pulling his backpack back on his shoulder and fixing his hair. “I’m Daniel. You can call me Dan if you want though.” he smiled holding out his hand. Phil didn’t pick his head up, staring at the ground as he gripped at his sketchbook for dear life, trying to hide his trembling hands.

“Right.” Dan coughed awkwardly taking his hand back. “So - you like to draw then?” Dan tried making small talk. Phil once again didn’t even attempt to answer, he figured maybe Dan would leave if he ignored him. Phil wasn’t like other kids - small talk wouldn’t get him to “open up”.

“Can you please say something? I mean, you sort of have a drawing of my face in that book of yours.” Dan almost begged poking Phil’s book. Instead of saying anything, Phil flipped to the best drawing of Dan he had and ripped it out, handing it to him. He hoped that would make him leave.

“What’s this?” Dan asked looking at another picture of him that Phil drew. “How many of these do you have?” He questioned - impressed by Phil’s talent. “This must take you days to do. How do you do it if I’m not sitting still and posing? Don’t you need someone to pose and stay still to draw them?” Dan found himself babbling. Babbling? Howells never babble. They speak when they have something intelligent to say and that’s it. Phil got even more frustrated when Dan didn’t leave him alone. It was obvious he didn’t want to answer any of these questions but that didn’t seem to matter to him.

“Did I do something to make you hate me so much?!” Dan blurted out - shouting because this isn’t fair! “Was it something I said? Or did? If it’s the whole backpack thing, I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean it. But I haven’t even said anything to you and you’re just ignoring me!”

Howells never shout. It’s not proper. They argue civilly and destroy their opponent with words - not volume. But Howells also are never ignored. Ever. And seeing as Dan seemingly did nothing to be ignored, he felt it was not appropriate on Phil’s part to ignore him. So Dan was not going to be appropriate either and yell at him.

Phil flinched at the shout, and stopped walking. Trembling, he turned slightly towards Dan but kept his head down. He opened up his notebook and flipped to a clean page. Trying to control his shaking hand, he scribbled ‘What do you want from me?’

“I-” Dan stopped noticing Phil trembling. “Are you - shaking? Sorry, I didn’t mean to yell, I just wanted to know why you were ignoring me.” Dan replied taking the paper from Phil reading his note. “I don’t want anything. I- um- I don’t know.” Dan stuttered.

Why is he stuttering? Howells don’t stutter. They’re clear, concise and confident with everything they say. What did he even want from Phil?

“I want to know why you are ignoring me.” Dan decided holding his head a bit higher.

Howells are never ignored.

Phil didn’t really know how to answer that. Phil knew better than to speak the truth, it would probably result in offending Dan. He closed his eyes for a moment before bring his pencil back to paper. ‘I’ll stop drawing you if you want, I’m sorry.’

“No, I mean you don’t have to, but - wait. Why are you passing me notes? We’re not in school. You can talk to me you know. I don’t bite.”

Phil felt his fear worsen and he couldn’t take it any longer. He took off in the direction of his house, dropping his pencil. He didn’t care, he had plenty at home. He was having trouble breathing and he almost despised Dan in that moment.

“Wait! Ugh!” Dan called letting Phil just run.

He bent down picking up Phil’s drawing pencil and studied it. It looked pretty special - one you couldn’t buy at an office supply store but one that is specifically for drawing only. It probably didn’t cost too much, but it would probably be something Phil wanted back. Dan unzipped a pouch on his backpack tossing it in making his way down the block where his too big, too fancy car with his own chauffeur was waiting. It was Friday night! He wasn’t going to let it be taken over by a guy he barely knows. Dan took out his phone to see a couple texts from his group of friends asking if he was free. He smiled at his phone texting back a quick ‘yes’ to everyone, then climbed in the back seat more than ready to begin his Friday night.


	5. Chapter 5

A few hours later and Dan was at Liam’s house as his parents are gone for the weekend. Dan told Christopher that he was going over to a friend’s house so his parents knew- if they even noticed he was gone. He wasn’t much of a party boy at all but that’s what his friends were into so he figured that he could have a couple beers and just try to unwind. After the whole thing with Phil, Dan was still a bit angry at being ignored that it took about an hour of piano playing to actually calm him down. He decided against telling his friends about the whole incident today because; 1) he was basically told not to talk to Phil and 2) being ignored by him made Dan embarrassed enough to not even bother asking.

“Is- Dan! Dan, are you- having fuuuuuuuuuuuunnnn?” Allison purred in his ear trying to sit on his lap.

“Yeah, just fine.” Dan replied screaming a bit to be heard over the horrifically loud pop music.

“Wooo! Me toooo!” She slurred sitting on the edge of Dan’s knees only to fall flat on her butt making her fall over in a string of high pitched giggles.

“You okay? Do you need to lay down? Or go upstairs?” Dan asked looking around for someone he could hand her off to - though not sure if he trusts anyone to put her to bed without trying anything.

“With you?” She questioned stupidly tapping a finger to her chin in thought. “Okay!”

“No, no, no, no, not _with_ me. Just you. _Alone_. By yourself.” Dan clarified holding out his hands in mock surrender.

“I kneeeeewwww it!” She screamed suddenly standing up raging mad.

“What? Shh, knew what?” Dan asked grabbing her wrist to pull her in another room so she wouldn’t cause a scene.

“You! You liiikkeeee - uh - Chloe! Over me!”

“What? No! I don’t!”

“So you - that means that youuuu like me more!”

“Um - that’s not exactly what I said.” Dan replied trying to pull her up to a bedroom to lay her down.

“Wait, wait mister.” She slurred pulling her wrist out of Dan’s grasp once they made it upstairs. “I don’t care - how seeeexxxyyy your accent is. Or how good your face looks.” she paused trying to keep her balance. “But I’m notta whore. You gotta date me if you wanna have - if you wanna - fuck me.”

“Allison.” Dan groaned wishing it wasn’t his job to take care of the drunk girl at a party.

The Howells had no rules for or against taking care of drunk girls, though he figured this would fall under the category of ‘The Howells treat every woman with respect.’ All out of options, Dan lifted her bridal style and carried her in what he could assume was Liam’s room littered with dirty laundry and posters of half naked women.

“Just stay here, okay?” Dan ordered hoping she wasn’t drunk enough to do anything too stupid. “I’ll be right back.”

“Okay.” She replied in a haze smiling and giggling to herself.

Dan closed the door and walked into the bathroom to grab a cold rag for her forehead and looked for some sort of bin that could be used in case she got sick. After finding nothing, he decided on the bathroom trash bin and brought it back in the room where, luckily, Allison still was giggling to herself.

“I have this in case you feel sick. Do you feel sick?” Dan asked slowly holding up the trash bin.

“Are you gonna taaakkkeee care of me, Dr. Daniel?” she giggled more.

“No. Allison, come on. Do you feel sick? Are you okay?”

“I’m fiiinnneee Dan. I’m not even drunk.”

“Yes, you are.”

“Nuh uh. I know my limit. And I only had - um - not alotta drinks.”

“Yes you did. You had a few cups and a few shots okay? Do you even know where you are?”

“I’m with you! You’re drunk Dan.”

Dan groaned running thin on patience. He placed the cold rag on her forehead and checked the bedside clock.

“I’ll be back up here in half an hour. Go to sleep. You’ll feel better when you wake up.” Dan calmly said taking a breath. “I want you to be sleeping when I come back, okay?”

“Okay.” She nodded.

“You promise?” Dan pressed.

“Yeah! If you kiss me!” she giggled again.

“Alright, if you’re asleep when I come back up here, I’ll kiss you.” Dan nodded.

It’s not like she would know anyways. Allison moaned something that sounded like ‘okay’ allowing Dan to slip out and close the door. Finally, that was dealt with. He hopped back down the stairs setting an alarm on his phone. After he checked back up on Allison, he was going to find his friends and say goodbye.

“Dan! Whereya been mate?” Tyler asked as Dan walked into the hallway.

“Here!” Dan replied. “Just walking around. Liam’s got a nice house.”

“What are you, 40?” Tyler laughed mimicking Dan. “He’s got a nice house.”

“Shut up.” Dan playfully hit him laughing. “But seriously, it’s pretty cool.”

“Yeah, he’s got the biggest house out of all of us so we always party here.” Tyler nodded as Dan took mental note not to let them know how much bigger his house is.

Though it wasn’t the size Dan was complimenting on. It was the family feeling the house provided. Pictures of Liam and his parents were hanging on the walls from all stages of Liam’s life. His parent’s university diplomas were framed and hung proudly on the wall for all to see. He sort of wished his house looked like this. The only pictures of himself as a kid Dan had were his school portraits that his parents bought meaning to frame but never did. They didn’t want holes in the walls from hanging up a picture of Dan that will soon be outdated. The dog’s bed was in the corner and his bowls were on the floor with slobber marks all over it. Dan wasn’t allowed pets as they were messy creatures, though he really did want a dog or cat.

“You want another beer?” Tyler asked snapping Dan from his pity party going on in his head.

“Nah, I shouldn’t. My parents would kill me if they smelled alcohol on my breath. Trying to sober up.” he lied.

“Sucks dude. You’re not crashing here?”

“I thought I was, but my mum needs me for-”

“Dude, screw your mum! You’ve been doing shit for her all week! If she needs that much help, she should hire a maid or something. You’re young! Have fun!” Tyler laughed wrapping an arm around Dan shaking him a bit.

“Yeah, maids.” Dan laughed a bit harder than he should have thinking about all the bustling maids working around his house as they spoke. “But really, she’ll have my ass.”

“Alright, yeah. We’re gonna get you trashed sometime though. You’re too young to be a grown up now!”

“Yeah.”

Tyler opened his mouth to say something else but raised his eyebrow at Dan as a pretty redhead walked by. Dan shook his head letting Tyler know she’s his as he took off after her. Dan checked his phone to see he only needed to burn ten more minutes and he was home free. He didn’t really need to help his mum with anything and she wouldn’t know if he even drank as she nor his father are there to ask how his day was or where he was. It was just the thought of everyone being drunk and getting sick everywhere just to crash and wake up with hangovers and sore backs from sleeping on the floor didn’t really appeal to Dan. He decided to go upstairs and check on Allison and maybe sit with her for a bit if she wasn’t so out of it.

He quietly opened the door and walked in to see her fast asleep with her arm hanging off the bed comfortably. He checked the bin plugging his nose hoping she didn’t get sick and to his relief, she didn’t. Dan took the cold rag off of her face and unfolded a spare blanket from the bottom of the bed covering her up and tucking in the edges.

“Goodnight Allison.” Dan whispered brushing her hair out of her face kissing his first two fingers then placing them on her forehead.

He quietly left the room again closing the door and made his way downstairs to say goodbye to everyone, then left out the back door to walk back home. He took in the night air walking slowly hearing the music fade in the distance. He didn’t live too far from Liam, but it was far enough to give him a nice calming walk after the string of events from earlier that night. Looking up at the stars, he was able to recognize major constellations from his astronomy studies with Christopher, but tried to look past that just to see the beauty in the stars.

Once he got home, he unlocked the door and typed the security passkey in so the alarm wouldn’t go off. He trudged up the marble staircase, his footsteps echoing off the empty walls into the empty house. Dan pulled his shirt off, kicked off his shoes and pants, and collapsed into bed pulling the duvet over him. He was grateful to be in his massive plush bed overflowing with pillows rather than Liam’s lounge room carpet.

As he closed his eyes, scenes of the party ran through his head over and over tiring him out even more. He moaned and snuggled into one of his bigger pillows while his stupid brain went to stupid Phil and his stupid pencil the way he ignored Dan making him angry all over again. He shut his eyes tighter trying to block him out and instead tried to think of something nicer like his piano or the stars.


	6. Chapter 6

Dan sat in English Monday morning tapping his pencil along to the music streaming from his iPod while he waited for Mr. Hayes to get here. Dan purposefully arrived early in hopes to talk to Phil before class to give him his pencil back and maybe figure out what he did to make Phil so angry with him. About a song and a half later, Phil scurried in the room setting his things down and opening his drawing book immediately. Dan grabbed Phil’s pencil from his backpack and sat in the desk in front of his on the chair backwards.

“You dropped this when you ran away from me.” Dan told him holding the pencil up. Phil’s heart immediately thudded in his chest. It was too early for this. Why couldn’t Dan just leave him alone? Phil didn’t look up but reached for the pencil.

“I wanted to return it because it kind of looks important.” Dan continued. “But I’ll only give it back if you tell me why you hate me. I’ll leave you alone after that. I just need one reason. The honest to god truth, and this pencil is your’s and I’m out of your hair forever.”

Phil sighed inaudibly, opening up his sketchbook and flipping to a fresh page. He took the new pencil he got from his room and wrote his reason. ‘I don’t hate you. I just don’t like people, okay?’ Phil wrote, not daring to look at Dan’s face. He wasn’t sure what to think about Dan, he didn’t seem that bad but he did get shouted at yesterday.

“You don’t like people?” Dan scrunched his nose reading Phil’s note. “So we had no chance at being friends at the start because I’m ‘people?’” Phil’s stomach churned at his words. He was getting more and more frightened as he talked to Dan. ‘I’m sorry- I don’t get “friends”’ Phil wrote, hoping Dan would stop.

“What do you mean by that? Everyone has friends. And why are we still doing this note thing. It’s not like anyone’s here.” Dan said waving his arms around the room. “I know you’re shy and everything, but no one else is here.” Dan pointed out getting upset by the one sidedness of this conversation.

‘Why do you keep trying to speak to me?’ Phil didn’t understand - Dan was obviously popular, was this some kind of joke?

“Because! Because…” Dan stumbled. “I don’t really know, okay? People say you’re weird and stuff, but I don’t want to listen to them. Can you just please talk to me?”

Phil couldn’t take it any longer. He stood up, taking his sketchbook and walked out of the room before class had even started.

“Fuck, not again.” Dan groaned standing up grabbing the stupid pencil he seems to keep forgetting. “Phil!” He called down the empty hall.

He got out of the room just in time to see Phil turn a corner. ‘Great,’ Dan thought, ‘he’s going to make me run.’ Dan ran down the empty hall after him listening for his slamming feet and going in that general direction. Dan noticed he’d never been to this part of the school yet. He wondered what would be down here for Phil to run after. He saw Phil disappear into the library so he slowed his run to a walk knowing that Phil couldn’t get out of here.

“Excuse me miss.” Dan greeted the librarian putting on his best smile. “A boy with black hair just came in here. Can you tell me where he went? He’s my partner for an English project and he ditched me.”

“Back there.” she replied rolling her eyes at Dan not buying his story, but not caring either.

“Thanks.” He nodded walking towards the corner where he was directed to.

Phil’s flipped through his sketchbook, trying to calm himself down. He was unable to draw due to shaky hands so his previous drawings would have to do.

“There you are!” Dan sighed plopping down next to Phil. “Jesus Christ, Phil. You made me run through this school before 8am so that we could sit in the library?” he joked deciding that being angry and yelling just pushes Phil away so maybe humor was more his thing. Phil didn’t look up, slightly rocking himself back and forth. He always did that a lot - it didn’t help, but he just did.

“Hey, uh, Phil? Are you okay?” Dan asked resting a hand on his shoulder. “You’re kind of scaring me.”

Phil couldn’t help but flinch a little when Dan rested a hand on his shoulder. He tried to block Dan out, only thinking about the drawing on the paper. He drew it a while ago, it was of a tree in the park. He likes drawing trees because everyone looks different but you can hardly tell his drawings apart. He tried to keep his mind off Dan, he couldn’t care less if he ever got the pencil back, Dan could keep it but he just wanted him to stop.

“Should I go get the nurse or something? You want to call your parents on my cell?” Dan offered handing his phone over half panicked. “Does this happen often? Do you have an inhaler for asthma or something I can get?” Dan sat there with Phil feeling helpless. He had no idea what was going on with Phil, if he caused it, or if it was normal for him.

“Should I call for an ambulance?” he asked.

Phil shook his head, he just needed to be alone. He needed to draw. ‘No.’ he wrote, his handwriting awful from his shaking hands.

“No to what?” Dan asked stopping himself from shouting. “No this isn’t normal? No you don’t want me to get help? What should I do? You’re scaring me.” Phil shook his head, putting his sketchbook down as he pulled his legs to his chest and buried his head in his knees. He tried to calm himself, he was more confused than intimidated at this point.

“Nothing? You want me to do nothing?” Dan questioned at a loss for words. “O- okay.” He sighed pulling his own legs up to his chest studying Phil. Dan wanted to leave and get someone to help, but at the same time didn’t want to in case something were to go wrong and something happened to Phil. Dan held his phone ready to call for help if Phil collapsed of stopped breathing, but couldn’t really do anything but wait and watch.

Phil slowly calmed somewhat. He felt a bit weird with Dan there watching him. His shaking stopped, but he knew the nauseous feeling would stay with him for a while. He picked his head up again, opening up his sketchbook. He knew Dan would have more questions - and it worried him.

“Are you okay now? What was that? Does that happen often? Is it a medical thing?” Dan blurted all at once not giving Phil any time to answer but wanting to know everything he just saw.

‘It’s just anxiety. I’m sorry you had to see that.’ Phil wrote, not liking he was sharing so much about himself.

“Oh.” Dan nodded slowly. “So that’s why you’re so shy? Cause you’re scared to talk to people?” Dan asked trying to understand.

He’d heard of social anxiety before as a disorder when he studied psychology with Christopher, but they didn’t really go much into it. The only thing he really knew was that it was out of the sufferer’s control and they could possibly have anxiety attacks if they feel threatened enough.

Phil took a deep breath. He didn’t expect Dan to stick around this long.‘I don’t speak because I’m mute.’

“You’re mute?” Dan repeated. “Is that because of your anxiety or is it seperate? Christopher and I-” Dan stopped himself right there before he’d have to explain who his private tutor is. “I mean, I don’t really know much about it.”

‘You could say that.’ Phil wrote, he didn’t really want to tell Dan much more about stuff this personal. He lifted his head a little and looked at Dan through his fringe.

“I’m sorry.” Dan apologized. “If I knew, I wouldn’t have tried to make you talk. I wasn’t making fun of you if that’s what you thought. I just thought you were really shy.” Howells never admit they’re wrong. The manipulate the situation to either make themself correct or turn it on the other person to make them more wrong than they are. The Howells are never wrong and never apologize.

“Here’s your pencil, by the way.” Dan smiled placing Phil’s good pencil by his sketchbook. “Should I go? I sort of want to stay here, but if you’re more comfortable with me leaving, I understand.” he suggested reaching out to touch Phil then deciding against it in case he didn’t like that. Phil knew he would be more comfortable without Dan. But he wasn’t being an asshole anymore - so he figured he could stay around for a bit. ‘You can stay.’ Phil wrote, using his old pencil.

“Okay.” Dan nodded stretching his legs out and cracking his fingers. “So how long have you been drawing for? I have that picture you drew of me in my backpack. If you want it back, I can give it to you. It’s really good and I know what my face looks like so if you want to keep it, that’s fine. Or I can keep it if that’s what you wanted.” Dan smiled inwardly at his indecisiveness.

Phil shook his head no, not needing to keep the drawing since Dan seemed to like it.

“Cool, thanks.” Dan replied thinking about what he’d do with it since he can’t hang it on his wall, nor did he want to leave it in a desk drawer.

Maybe he could put it in his locker or keep it somewhere safe at home where no one will see. He’s glad Phil is letting him keep it regardless. Dan looked over to the clock noticing that they only had about ten minutes before class started and if they don’t want to run through the halls, they should go now. Dan stood up holding a hand out to help Phil.

“We should get to class if we don’t want to be late.” he explained.

Phil wasn’t planning on going to class, but he decided against turning Dan down. He grabbed his sketchbook and pencil, thinking for a moment before hesitantly taking Dan’s hand to stand up.

They walked to class silently - Dan having a thousand questions for Phil buzzing through his head but not wanting to wear him out by asking too many. He decided to start simply and casually.

“So you want to sit with me at lunch today? There’s enough room at our table and I’m sure they’re not going to mind an extra person. I mean, they accepted me in their group after all.” Dan laughed trying to seem as relaxed as possible even though he just wanted to swarm Phil with questions.

Phil would have laughed right in Dan’s face at the question. Phil, sitting at the popular table? He opened his sketchbook again. ‘I don’t sit at lunch. I go in the library and draw.’

“Oh.” Dan nodded. “So that’s why I never see you in there then. Well, the offer still stands if you ever want to.” he shrugged checking the clock again. “Oh shit, we’ve gotta run.” Dan decided grabbing Phil’s hand dragging him down the hall so they wouldn’t be late.

Phil stared straight at their entwined hands, almost studying them. As soon as they got to the class he knew there was going to be a lot of people in there and he was going to have to walk all the way to his seat. Once they were outside the classroom, Dan dropped Phil’s hand and held the door open for him.

“After you.” He gestured Phil in seconds before the bell was due to ring. Phil quickly ran to his seat opening his sketchbook. He started outlining his and Dan’s hands together.

“I thought you were sick! We were preparing to make you get well cards and everything!” Chloe gasped as Dan took his seat.

“No, I’m alright.” Dan laughed pulling out his notebook unsure whether or not he should say he was talking to Phil, though after learning about his disorder, decided against it so people wouldn’t bombard him with questions like he did. “I was just seeing if the library had an extra copy of Frankenstein since mine is all highlighted and drawn in and everything.” he lied.

Dan took a quick glance over at Phil to see his nose in his sketchbook again. It sort of made him feel better that Phil appeared to be back to normal again. Dan wrote a quick note to himself and Christopher to look more into anxiety disorders, panic attacks, and mutism.

“That party was sick man.” Zachery commented Liam while everyone agreed.

“Yeah. And Dan thinks you have a lovely house.” Tyler joined in mimicking Dan from the party making him blush a little.

“What are you, 40?” Liam joked making everyone laugh.

“Yeah, yeah, ha ha.” Dan replied rolling his eyes. “That’s what we civilized countrymen from the south comment on.” He laughed making his voice sound overly posh on purpose.

“You sayin’ we’re not civilized?” Zachery joked shaking his fist while Alyssa kissed his cheek.

“Oh hush.” She smiled rolling her eyes at him.

Dan took quick mental note of that. Alyssa and Zachery are dating. It seemed like everyone else in the group is single though which made Dan feel more welcome as with his old group of friends, someone was always in a relationship with someone else.

“You okay, Allison? You’re really quiet.” Chloe asked snapping her out of her daydream.

“Yeah, sorry. Still have a hangover.” She replied massaging her temples.

Dan looked over to her wondering how much of Friday night she remembered. He felt his stomach drop feeling guilty for leaving her there. If anything happened because he left, he’d never forgive himself. She mouthed ‘later’ to him and continued massaging away her headache.

Mr. Hayes called the class to attention making Dan face the board, though as soon as he turned around, a note landed on his desk. He opened it quietly thinking it was Phil at first, then noticed the bright pink pen ink Allison used. ‘Thanks for taking care of me. I remember that. Don’t worry, I was fine. It’s sweet of you to care though. We should get dinner sometime ;) x’

Dan looked over to Allison who was twisting her hair around her finger again biting her lip waiting for Dan’s response. As nice as she was, Dan could only see her as a friend. He sighed and scribbled a quick note back. ‘I’m glad you were okay. Sorry for dipping out so fast. Not sure about dinner though. I’d have to check with my parents, but we should get the whole group together this weekend. Could be fun ^_^’ and sent the note back her way. He knew that’s not what she meant, but maybe she could take the hint.

***

As soon as Dan got home, he changed into more comfortable clothes, then met Christopher in Dan’s private study.

“So what are you doing in your classes today?” Christopher asked as Dan walked in.

“As always, we’re doing stuff I already did with you thousands of times.” Dan groaned slumping in his chair.

“Sit up right.” Christopher snapped as Dan obliged. “What would you like to go over?”

“Actually, can we talk more about Psychology? Like anxiety disorders and mutism and the like? I don’t know much about that at all.” Dan suggested.

“Any reason? Or just to expand your knowledge?”

“Just good to know I guess.”

“You guess?”

“It’d be good to know I suppose.” Dan corrected.

“Good.” Christopher nodded handing Dan a Psychology book. “So we’ll be doing this for the next few days then. Any obligations?”

“None sir.” Dan smiled opening his book and flipping to the index to find ‘mental disorders’.

“Right. Then let’s begin with anxiety - OCDs, PTSD, social, and general anxiety. Mutism may stem from any of the above so we’ll get into that later.” Christopher started while Dan quickly began jotting down notes.


	7. Chapter 7

Despite Phil telling Dan he never ate lunch, he was still a bit upset when he didn’t turn up at the table. Pete and James were there bumming off the others for food. Dan decided he didn’t really like them much, but they were friends of Zachery so he sucked it up and handed over his yogurt.

Chloe and Allison still tried civilly flirting and fighting for Dan’s attention, but he was used to it now. The rest of the group was pretty good, but Dan felt like he didn’t know any of them. He still wanted to keep his promise to make a good friend this year that he could invite over without them taking advantage of his parent’s and his wealth. As great as this group of people were, he didn’t feel ready to bring any of them home- not yet.

“Hey Dan, can you help me with my English homework after school? We can have a huge study group!” Chloe suggested. “We do have that test coming up.”

“After school today? I can’t. I need to-” Dan started.

“You need to help your mum with some task she can’t do herself. Seriously Dan! Tell her it’s for a test! It won’t be long. Just a few hours after school.” Tyler butt in before Dan could finish.

They don’t understand. Dan can’t just blow off Christopher. Even for a study group. They both know that Dan doesn’t need the extra study time, and if he did, that’s what Christopher’s job is. Not to mention, he’s got to practice piano before it gets too late.

“Maybe after dinner. Is 7:30 okay?” Dan asked deciding that’d give him enough time to eat, study, and practice.

“We can grab dinner after we study.” Liam shrugged. “I’m going to fail that test man.”

“Um, yeah. I’ll just tell my mum I’ll help later I guess.” Dan lied hoping Christopher would be okay breaking schedule for a day.

“Great!” Allison squealed hugging Dan’s arm tightly while Chloe shot her a look.

Dan took out his phone and sent a quick text to Christopher hoping that he’d be okay with that telling him that his friends really needed the extra help and that he’d be grabbing dinner with them.

“I’ll just have to stop home and grab money, but I can meet you guys at the library.” Dan suggested shoving his phone back in his pocket.

“Oh cool, I can drive you there.” Chloe offered.

“No! No, that’s alright!” Dan replied shaking his head. “You guys are already here. It won’t take me long to go home and come back. You can just get questions together or whatever.”

“Oh. Um, okay?” Chloe said giving Dan a confused look.

“Yeah, so I’ll meet you guys in there.” Dan nodded giving them all a smile.

***

Dan walked into his last class hoping to get it over with quickly so that he could get this study thing over with. When he walked into class, Phil was already there with his sketchbook open.

“Mind if I sit here?” Dan asked smiling at Phil.

Phil was startled when Dan’s voice interrupted his drawing. He didn’t pick his head up, focusing back in on what he was doing. He shook his head and started back on whatever he was doing.

“Hey.” Dan said putting his books down and getting everything adjusted. “So are you ready for that English test tomorrow?”

Phil just shrugged, not interested in small talk.

“Well, if you want, I’m going to study for it upstairs. You’re more than welcome to come if you want. I’ll be doing all the talking though. Unless you have a question. Then I can help you with that, but I mean, just if you want to…I’ll be there. In the library.” Dan replied stopping himself as he started to babble.

Phil bit his lip at the question. He was pretty sure after knowing Dan for about a day that he was going to end up being pressured into going no matter what he said. He stayed silent for a bit, before flipping to a new page that didn’t have drawing on it. ‘Do you want me to go?’

“Of course I do! I mean- yeah, if you want. It’d be cool to kinda, hang out I guess.” Dan replied scratching the back of his neck even though it wasn’t itchy.

Phil thought for a moment, placing the eraser of the pencil in his chin. He had yet to judge what he thought about Dan - to be honest he hadn’t even thought about it. Should he try to trust him? He took the pencil from his face and scribbled an answer 'Alright.’

“Great. I-”

“No talking Mr. Howell.” Mrs. Schneider cut in before he could say anything.

He hadn’t even realized the bell rang and he was supposed to start his warm-ups on the board. He gave Phil a small smile and put his pencil to paper to begin his work.

***

After grabbing his things that he’d need for the study session, Dan walked out of the double doors and down a block checking his phone to see that he had an angry text from Christopher about ditching his studies, but nonetheless granted permission to break schedule just this once. Once in the car, Dan rested his head back on the headrest closing his eyes for a moment. He couldn’t wait to hang out with everyone after school, even if it was to study. Just breaking out of routine and doing something other than studies and piano excited him enough.

Once they pulled up to his house, Dan ran inside taking two steps at a time to get up to his room and grab some money out of his wallet and shoved it in his pocket then hopped down the stairs and back into the car thankful he didn’t run into Christopher knowing he’d get a guilt trip for skipping. When he got back to school, Dan ran the block to get there, then casually walked up the stairs into the building. He looked around trying to remember where the library was, but wasn’t sure if he could get there. Still, he walked up the stairs and wandered around until he finally gave in and asked a janitor to point him in the right direction. Dan heard laughter coming from the library making him wonder what could be so funny that could make people laugh that hard in a library - of all places.

“You gonna just sit there?” Pete mocked.

“Yeah, say something freak!” James’s voice echoed off the library walls.

Dan listened in walking a bit faster. What the hell are James and Pete doing in a library? Can they even read? And who the hell are they talking to? No one in his group would let them pick on them like that. Unless - the person they’re taunting isn’t in their group. Dan made his way into the library and towards the taunting voices to see everyone sitting around waiting while James and Pete continued to taunt and torture.

“Why are you up here? Huh? Trying to get in with us?” Pete asked bending over so he was centimeters from Phil’s face.

Phil. Dan totally forgot. Though he didn’t really think James and Pete would be joining them.

“Tell ya what, kid. You say something. Anything. And we’ll leave you alone. Sound good?” James taunted ruffling Phil’s hair.

Dan wanted to go over and stop them. Why hadn’t anyone else yet?

“Dan! Glad you could make it!” Chloe waved him over standing up.

“Don’t ignore us! Say something you fucking freak!” Pete yelled tipping Phil’s chair over in a fit of rage.

James burst out laughing at Phil as he fell hitting his head hard on the floor. He grabbed Phil’s drawing book and flipped quickly through it not paying attention to the drawings.

“Like to draw?” he mocked ripping out a few pages then tossing the actual book on top of the shelves. “Not anymore.”

Dan stood still watching everything unfold. Every instinct in him was screaming to do the right thing and defend Phil since he can’t. It’s like abusing a child or animal seeing as they can’t do anything to help themselves and just have to take it. But at the same time, if Dan were to help Phil, he could lose the only friends he has.

“It’s not hard. Just tell us to stop. S-T-O-P. Stop. That’s it!” James laughed crouching down to corner Phil.

He was trembling. Phil’s eyes were wide, darting everywhere for a way to escape. He looked like he was going to throw up or pass out and no one was doing anything! Not Chloe who stood up for Dan on his first day, not Liam who knew them well, not even the librarian who is supposed to be the adult here.

“We’ll stop, you know. Just tell us to.” Pete mocked poking Phil’s back with his shoe. “Just say ‘no’ and we’ll be out of your hair.”

Phil sat up trying to pretending not to hear them and it hurt Dan. It hurt him to see someone maliciously pick on him when it’s not even his fault he can’t speak. It hurt him to see Phil not able to give them the wanted reaction. But most of all, it hurt knowing he couldn’t do anything to stop it. Dan could only watch and secretly hope that Phil would get up, tell them to fuck off, and beat the shit out of them. But he knew it wouldn’t happen. As if he couldn’t take it any longer, Phil burst into a run, dodging James and Pete and sprinting out of the library. Dan watched him run out wishing he could go after him, but couldn’t. He turned back to his group who were eagerly waiting for him to start their study session.

“Uh, I suppose we could start with the last chapter we read.” Dan said flipping his book open as his stomach twisted in knots while James and Pete continued laughing.


	8. Chapter 8

All throughout his lesson on anxiety disorders, Dan felt his heart pound with guilt. Any time Christopher brought up social anxiety and how extreme it could be, Dan couldn’t help but think of Phil and how James and Pete tortured him.

“Now mutism is a little different.” Christopher began. “People who are mute have clear, coherent thoughts. They just can’t verbalize it like you or me. Sometimes the problem is medical whether it’s a birth defect or the mute person was in some sort of accident where they damaged their vocal chords. Others are mute because of a psychological disturbance. If someone witnesses something horrific enough, their brain needs a way to cope and not speaking is a coping method.”

“So if someone had a traumatic experience that makes them mute, could they actually speak and they just chose not to?” Dan asked tapping his pencil.

“Stop tapping. Tapping implies impatience.” Christopher glared.

“Sorry.” Dan mumbled.

“Don’t mumble. Mumbling implies weakness and insecurity.” he continued.

“Right. So my question?” Dan pressed not wanting another lesson in etiquette.

“Yes. They physically have the ability to speak, but they don’t chose not to. Their brain won’t let them. If they were to try and say anything, it would take a lot of time with a speech therapist to get past that barrier. It is possible, but only if the patient is willing to practice. It would take years for them to be able to speak as fluently as us. Any other questions?”

“Yeah. I still don’t really understand. If someone is mute from a psychological disturbance, why does that affect their talking? If anything, wouldn’t they become depressed or go mental or something?

“That’s exactly what the brain is trying to avoid, Daniel. By not having to worry about speech or all the things associated with it, a mute person’s mind is able to deal with the imbalance.”

“So if they get over the imbalance, are they cured?”

“You can’t ‘cure’ mutism. It doesn’t work like that. It’s much like anxiety or depression. You can work through it - tackle it and work around it, but there’s no cure really. It’s a lot of work to begin talking again. It’s not an overnight process.”

“I think I understand.”

“No more questions?”

“No sir.”

“Right then. I’d like a seven page paper on mutism next week so I’m sure you understand everything. We’re finished with lessons today. Go on and practice until dinner.”

Dan got up and walked over to his piano beginning his scales to warm up, but he kept thinking about Phil. What hell he must have endured today while James and Pete tried to force him to speak…

“Take out Al di la del vetro by Ludivico.” Christopher interrupted Dan’s thoughts.

He did as he was told easily playing through the song - his thoughts not straying far from Phil. He couldn’t just tell them to ‘stop’ like they were asking. That one word alone would probably take a few weeks - if not months - to practice! Dan’s fingers moved faster as his thoughts began to fly around his head and his cheeks flushed out of anger. James and Pete are such dicks. How can they do that to a person and be okay with it? Even worse, how could Dan stand by and watch it happen. Not again. Not ever again. The next time (if there is one), it’d be different. He’d puff out his chest, march right up to them and make them stop no matter what the cost. Phil doesn’t choose to be mute. He doesn’t have a voice of his own, but maybe Dan can be his voice.

***

Later that night, Dan lay in bed staring at his ceiling. He’d been trying to fall asleep for the past few hours, but with no luck. Any time he closed his eyes, he saw the whole thing at the library - James and Pete tipping Phil’s chair over, them destroying his book, and their cruel laughter as Phil ran away. Dan looked to the rescued book on his bedside table. Once everyone was gone, Dan pulled a chair up to the bookcase where Phil’s sketchbook was and brought it down - even collecting the sheets they ripped out. He promised himself that he wouldn’t go through it seeing as it wasn’t his to have, but every time his eyes wandered to the book, he wanted more and more to see what’s inside. It’s basically Phil’s mind. His brilliant, beautiful mind and if he could only have a little peek…

Dan grabbed his phone to check the time seeing that it was almost four in the morning. He’d have to be up in a few hours anyways, so no point in going to sleep now. He flicked on his bedside lamp and held the book in his hands. His fingertips ran over the smooth cover, then danced under it to begin flipping through pages. Dan’s lips parted as he went through Phil’s book. Everyone in class had been drawn at least once with impeccable detail. Even Phil’s teachers were in there. He flipped through the pages to see classrooms, the library, trees from outside the school - basically anything that could be seen in school was drawn in Phil’s book. He flipped on to pictures drawn from a part of town Dan didn’t recognize, though he knew it had to be in town seeing as it was doubtful Phil would adventure much further than his home and school.

One drawing stopped Dan flipping and caught his attention. It was a large field littered with wildflowers and trees. Off to the side was a playground with kids laughing mid-slide and parents holding children’s hands while crossing the road. Wherever this place was, Dan knew he had to find it. It was absolutely beautiful in Phil’s drawing, but it made Dan wonder how it really looked.

He wondered if Phil drew things as they were or how he saw them. He wondered if he would draw this place more beautifully because he liked it so much or if that’s how it really looked. It made him wonder what Phil was doing now. He didn’t have his drawing book to calm him down now, so how was he coping? Dan tried his best to push that thought and the horrific feeling of guilt away and flip over to the next page.

It was a picture of him. On his first day right after he answered a question on interpreting Frankenstein. In this picture, he was sunk down in his seat flushing a bit. He studied the picture wondering how long it took Phil to draw this and add in all the detail. He even got the dimple in the right spot. He continued on to the next page to see another one Phil had drawn of him, but this time in trigonometry. He was stood in front of the class reciting his identities as Mrs. Schneider watched. Phil had - again - drawn it perfectly. Dan’s posture with his shoulders rolled back and head held high, the wrinkles in his shirt from the way he was standing, even the little stain he had on his tie from lunch. Dan thought about the picture Phil had given him that was sitting in his backpack used as a bookmark for Frankenstein and wondered how many times Phil had drawn him. Everyone else appeared once - maybe twice - but Dan already had three, and flipped the page to make it four. This one was only a headshot and a bit of his neck drawn in. Dan shivered at the thought of Phil drawing his neck, imagining a pencil lightly sketching it in. Dan’s neck was the most sensitive part of his body. Even as a baby, he’d begin to cry if his nannies would touch it while caring for him. Dan shook his head to get rid of the thought and stared at the drawing. It wasn’t anything special, just him slightly smiling.

Dan doesn’t know why, but his heart was racing. His stomach still twisted up with guilt for not saving Phil when he had the chance. He must really hate Dan now. Dan sighed pinching the bridge on his nose and closed his eyes. He flashed through the scene at the library again, but from Phil’s point of view this time; he watched it happen. He saw the librarian pretending she didn’t see anything, rolling her eyes at them for being noisy. He saw the group casually sitting around like James and Pete weren’t even there. Worst of all, he saw himself, just standing there like a deer in headlights. He saw the struggle on his own face making him hate his decision even more. How could Dan just stand there and not do or say anything. He’s as bad ad James and Pete - no worse. Unlike them, Dan had gained a tiny ounce of Phil’s trust. He had the possibility of being Phil’s friend - or at least someone he could look to for help. And he failed him. Dan looked over to his clock to see it was already 5:30 so he closed the book and put it away in his backpack to give to Phil. He did his best to push away his bad thoughts and began to get ready for the day. He’d have to talk to Phil, for sure, even though he has no idea what to say. Maybe it’ll make things worse. Maybe Phil won’t even want to listen. But Dan still knew he’d have to try anyways. He slung his backpack over his shoulder hopping down the stairs to get to school hoping he wouldn’t fall asleep on everything.


	9. Chapter 9

“Dan! Woah, no offense, but you look like shit.” Liam greeted seconds after Dan walked into English.

“Yeah, didn’t get any sleep last night.” Dan replied rubbing his eyes yawning.

“Why not?” Allison asked leaning over in her desk.

“I don’t know. Just worried about the test today.” He replied hoping they’d drop it.

“Alright everyone. I hope you all studied. Tests are coming out now so no more talking.” Mr. Hayes called walking down the rows of desks placing one on each desk.

“You’ll be fine. You’re like, the smartest guy here.” Chloe whispered back when Mr. Hayes’s back was turned.

Dan nodded and took his test from his teacher’s outstretched hand and started to work on it. As he read the questions, things got hazy and Dan couldn’t seem to remember everything so well. It was a quote he’s written papers about before, but what the hell did it symbolize? Dan rubbed his eyes trying to focus. He noticed someone get up to turn their paper in making Dan sweat. He should be done by now. Think! He scribbled down some bullshit about creation and love then turned it in. Dan sat back down in his seat resting his head in his arms wanting to get a few minutes of sleep while he could.

“You feeling alright, Daniel?” Mr. Hayes asked whispering in his ear. “Would you like to go to the nurse?”

“No thank you. I’m fine.” Dan smiled picking his head up.

Faking sick was definitely out. Any time he were to so much have a consistent cough, or a slight fever, he’d have people waiting on him even more so than he already did. The last time he got a cold, it was as if he were dying - all the maids ready to get him anything and everything he wanted. He always had a hot bowl of soup and would constantly be woken up to take more medication the minute the last dosage would stop working. Everything a kid needed to get better was there, except his parents who sent him a get well card and bouquet of flowers from work.

“Just let me know if you feel ill.” Mr. Hayes nodded walking back to the front of the class.

Dan sighed propping his head up with his hand wishing he could just rest. Just put his head down for a few minutes…

***

Come lunchtime, Dan knew he wouldn’t be able to sit at the table with his friends. They’d all be asking him what’s wrong or trying to shove caffeine down his throat, so he decided to go up to the library for a quiet nap. He walked in dragging his feet to the corner lifting up his head to see Phil sitting at the table drawing in a school notebook rather than his drawing one. Dan adjusted the backpack on his shoulders and pulled Phil’s book from it placing it down on the table in front of Phil.

“You left this here yesterday.” Dan barely whispered.

Dan could see Phil flinch as the book was dropped on the table. Phil didn’t even look up at Dan, taking both books and standing up from the chair.

“Oh, you don’t have to leave if you don’t want to.” Dan told him wanting to apologize for James and Pete but having absolutely no idea where to begin.

Howells never apologize so he was never really taught how to.

Phil didn’t even listen to the words, not allowing himself to fall for Dan’s tricks. He walked swiftly out of the library, making a few sharp turns so Dan couldn’t follow him. Dan debated going after him, but knew he could barely form a coherent thought - let alone an apology. He collapsed on the bean bag setting an alarm on his phone deciding he’d catch Phil after school.

“Dan? There you are!” a voice called waking Dan up only minutes into his nap.

“Hmm?” he asked, still in a dream like state.

“We’ve been looking everywhere for you!” the voice continued as Dan forced his eyes open to see Allison crouching next to him.

“Why?” he asked wanting to go back to sleep.

“You didn’t come to the lunch table, so we thought you were sick. The others are down there in case you came, but Chloe, Tyler, and I went looking.” she explained. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m just sleepy.” Dan replied yawning. “I’ll see you guys next period. I just want to rest for a bit.”

“Okay.” Allison replied sitting down and taking out her phone to text everyone to end the search party. “I’ll stay up here with you then.”

“You don’t have to-”

“Nonsense. I’m not going to leave my friend alone up here.”

“I’ll just be sleeping.”

“That’s alright. You took care of me once, so I can take care of you. I’ll just make sure no one draws on you or anything.”

“Thank you.”

Dan closed his eyes again sighing feeling Allison’s stare but too tired to care or ask her to stop. He fell into a dreamless sleep rather quickly sort of wishing he had a blanket or a proper pillow. After what only felt like seconds, he was shaken awake gently.

“Wake up Dan. The bell is going to ring in a few minutes.” Allison whispered while Dan stretched out sitting up.

“Okay.” Dan sighed rubbing the sleep from his eyes checking his phone to see that fourty-five minutes passed.

“You’re a cute sleeper. I didn’t notice you had a dimple.” Allison blushed looking into her lap. “Sorry if that’s weird.”

“No- um…”

“I know you’re not interested, but I just thought you should know. I really like you, Dan. I still want to be friends though, if that’s okay. I hope this doesn’t weird you out or anything.”

“It’s okay Allison.” Dan smiled resting one of his hands over hers. “Thanks for telling me. And being honest and everything. It’s nice to be able to trust someone, you know?”

“Yeah.” she replied. “Well if we’re being honest, you should sort out your bedhead. I think it’s adorable, but you probably want to fix it so people won’t think it’s your post-sex hair.”

“Thanks.” Dan laughed sarcastically fussing with his hair.

***

Dan walked outside wanting nothing more than to just go home and sleep, but Christopher wouldn’t let him. As he started walking towards the car where he and his chauffeur planned on meeting, he saw out of the corner of his eye a black mop of hair walking quickly. Dan looked towards his car and waved to him silently asking if he could drive around a bit. His chauffeur nodded signaling he’d have fifteen minutes before he’d be back to which Dan nodded and caught up with Phil.

“Hey there.” Dan smiled poking Phil’s shoulder.

Phil flinched back, not expecting - and certainly not welcoming Dan’s intrusion. He walked a bit faster, not in the mood for Dan tricking him again; he wasn’t stupid and he didn’t care if Dan thought of him that way.

“So how’s it going?” Dan tried looking at his shoes knowing that small talk wouldn’t get him anywhere; he knew cutting straight to the point would be the best, so that’s what he did. “Listen. About yesterday. I didn’t know James and Pete were going to be there.” Dan started figuring that was a good place to begin.

Phil didn’t want to hear this. He didn’t know? Dan didn’t even bother to tell him other people were going to be there. Phil shook his head a bit, not allowing himself to believe a word. He walked even faster, if this carried on much longer, he would run.

“I thought it’d be a good way to introduce you to everyone. They’re all great - except James and Pete of course. But I had no idea that was going to happen. I’m so sorry.” Dan continued looking up to see Phil not even paying attention. “Hey! Were you even listening?” Dan asked raising his voice grabbing Phil’s arm to spin him around.

Phil flinched awfully and let out a sharp breath - more of fear than pain. He locked eyes with Dan for a moment, his blue eyes filling with fear before escaping from his grasp and sprinting down the sidewalk. Dan ran after him chasing him through the town he barely knew.

“Phil! Come on!” Dan begged tasting blood at the back of his throat. “Stop! I’m not going to hurt you!”

Phil didn’t stop. He continued to run. He didn’t want Dan finding out where he lives so he took a sharp turn into a park. He ran straight towards a woods area, hoping he could hide in there from Dan. As he got closer to Phil, Dan suddenly stopped running.

“This is that drawing.” Dan said out loud studying the area.

It was exactly how Phil drew it, not a flower out of place. Kids were laughing and screaming on the playground not too far from here, but it seemed worlds away. Dan continued to stare, forgetting why he was running in the first place and trapped in the beauty of it all. He laughed hearing the little kids scream wondering if it was fun or scary to go down a slide or swing on the swings. It wasn’t proper for him, so his parents refused to let him to to a playground or spend much time outside at all when he could be inside playing piano or studying. He bent down and picked up a flower admiring its bright color and pressed it to his nose wondering if it smelled nice.

Phil slowed down at the words. He turned towards Dan, clutching on to his sketchbook. He stayed a good distance away from Dan, slowly figuring out what he meant. He was still in mid panic, but something about Dan at that moment made him want to stop running away.

Dan looked around at the trees and flowers unable to believe a place like this actually existed. He knew he liked being outside, but the only time he could be is if it were in his own backyard. Standing in the open field felt so surreal to Dan. So impossible. His knees gave under him as he sat around all the flowers twirling around the one he had between his thumb and first finger.

Phil studied Dan, sitting down on the ground. He opened his sketchbook, outlining Dan as he held the flower in his hand. He had been drawing Dan a lot, he figured it was because it was something new to draw. But at times he found himself craving to draw every detail him. He may be ugly at times on the inside, but this boy was beautiful on the outside.

Dan did the last thing he or anybody else would expect a Howell to do. He began to cry. Everything piled on top of him; the grades, the studying, constant success, wasted youth and a bleak future to become a lawyer rather than pursue what he wanted. He thought about his old friends who deserted him and wondered if his new friends would do the same. He hated himself for letting James and Pete torture Phil and he hated himself for going about his day like none of it happened. Forgetting all about Phil’s close proximity, Dan just cried.

Phil swallowed when he watched tears roll down Dan’s cheeks. He felt his heart continue racing, but for a different reason he couldn’t place. He hesitated, still afraid of Dan, but he moved next to him. He wanted him to stop crying - for so many reasons. He sat next to him, opening his sketchbook and slowly flipping to the drawing of their hands he’d done the day he told Dan about his mutism. He placed a shaking hand on Dan’s arm for a moment, trying to get him to look. Dan jumped as he remembered he wasn’t alone. He sniffled wiping his nose on his sleeve and looked up to Phil trying to pretend like he wasn’t just crying.

“What’s this?” he asked running his fingertips gently across the paper.

Phil bit his lip, hesitating before running his fingers down Dan’s arm, ghosting his fingers in between Dan’s. He hardly touched Dan’s hand, but he hoped it would tell him.

“This is you and me? I mean, our hands?” Dan asked, his voice cracking.

The last time he held anyone’s hand was when he was just a kid, holding his nanny’s hand to help him cross the street. He thought back to the day after he sat through Phil’s anxiety attack when he grabbed Phil’s hand and ran back to class with him. He felt another lump in his throat, but continued to stare at Phil. Phil moved his hand back to his lap, glad he stopped Dan’s tears. He stared down at the drawing, unable to look Dan in the eyes. He held the end of the paper, as if he was going to turn it but didn’t, just holding it there.

“Thank you.” Dan whispered pulling Phil into him for a forced hug.

Dan buried his face in Phil’s shoulder sighing, hoping he wouldn’t start crying again. Not in Phil’s presence. His arms wrapped tightly around Phil’s neck while Dan tried to collect himself. Phil’s sketchbook laid on the grass face down. Phil’s arms were bent in between their chests, not sure at all what to do with them. His stomach churned and he found himself unable to relax - though he wished he could. After a moment, Dan pulled back wiping his eyes on the back of his hand.

“Sorry. If that was uncomfortable.” Dan sniffed sitting back in the grass picking up grass blades then throwing them away. “I just- I really am sorry. About James and Pete. And just everything. I know it’s not your fault. I know you don’t just choose not to talk and I know anxiety attacks are hell and I just - I know. And I’m sorry you have to go through that every day and feel those feelings all the time.” 

Phil wasn’t sure what to do in response. He picked up his sketchbook again, closing it and holding it to his chest. He stared down at Dan, he knew there were so many emotions he was feeling at that moment and he had no idea what to do. He played with the pencil in his hands. Dan chewed on his lip taking a glance at Phil every once and awhile then smiled.

“You um, you’re a good listener.” he breathed hoping that wasn’t offensive to Phil. “So, thanks.”

Phil just nodded giving Dan a small smile before getting up and walking across the field leaving Dan all alone.


	10. Chapter 10

After Dan’s studies and piano practice, he went up to his room and lay on his bed to think. He was past crying and onto thinking. He realized that Phil probably ran because Dan shouted at him and grabbed him. He tucked that thought away for next time - if there were to be a next time - so that he wouldn’t scare Phil. He had to take things slowly with him. He got off his bed and pulled the drawing Phil gave to Dan the first time they spoke and hung it on his wall. Even though it was a drawing of himself, it’d remind him of Phil every time he looked at it, and that thought comforted him. So what if someone saw and he got in trouble? The picture made him happy and he wanted it there.

He sat up in bed and stared at the picture for a bit pulling his legs up to his chest. Dan wanted to go to sleep so that he could see Phil faster, but he also wanted to stare at the drawing for a little longer. Was it weird for him to want to see Phil so badly even though he barely knew anything about him? Maybe it was, but Dan’s life wasn’t exactly normal. He didn’t have a proper childhood, never got hugs or goodnight kisses from mum and dad and his parents barely knew who he was. Maybe Phil could be good for him, and he could be good for Phil.

***

Dan got to school a bit earlier than usual so he could get to class before anyone else did so he could talk to Phil. Phil was already sitting in his desk when Dan walked in and sat next to him.

“Hey.” Dan smiled kicking his legs up on the desk chair in front of him.

Phil wasn’t quite expecting the greeting, causing his hand to spasm and mark his drawing. He didn’t mind too much, making a note to try to get used to Dan. He looked up to Dan for a moment as some kind of greeting.

“So…” Dan sighed trying to think of something to say.

He’d been waiting all night to see Phil and talk to him, but not once did he actually think of anything he wanted to say. So he let his mind wander to the childish side of him and just began to babble.

“I know you didn’t mean to, but thanks for taking me to the park yesterday. I wanted to go back but I couldn’t remember how to get there so I just stayed home. I kind of want to go back and pick some flowers and put them in my room, but that’s sort of dumb because who has wildflowers in their room? Plus, I’d have to water them and I know I’d forget to. I’m bad at remembering things like that. But I’m glad I didn’t go back because I want to wait for you to come with. I mean, it’s a public place, but it’s sort of our place, you know? Like besides school and back home, that was the first place I’ve been to in this town and the first place I went with you and I really like it there cause there’s a field and a playground with slides and swings. You know, I’ve never been down a slide or sat on a swing before, but maybe you and I can go sometime and try it. Like maybe this weekend. Wild Friday night at the park.” Dan laughed at his own joke before realizing he was the only one who found it relatively funny.

He cleared his throat and looked down at his lap cursing himself for being so childish and awkward.

Phil only listened to what he found most important or Dan’s rambling. He nodded a bit, not taking his eyes off the drawing.

“Yeah? Is that a yes? For this weekend?” Dan asked, getting a bit more excited than he should have. Phil nodded again, drawing in the details of a bird outside the window next to him.

“Cool.” Dan nodded standing up to move to his assigned seat as the clock ticked away while more and more people flooded the hallways and trickled into class.

Dan found it hard to sit still and pay attention to anything all day in anticipation for this weekend even though it was only Tuesday morning.

“Someone’s smiley today.” Allison laughed leaning into Dan during lunch.

“Yeah.” Dan nodded taking a bite from his sandwich.

“What’s got you all happy, dimples?” Chloe joked trying to get Dan’s attention.

“Nothing.” Dan replied. “I just am happy I guess.”

“Right. Well you doing anything this weekend mate? Cause we were going to party at mine again. And this time you could actually stay before dipping out.” Liam laughed.

“I can’t. Sorry.” Dan replied shrugging.

“What? Mummy dearest won’t let her baby bird leave the nest?” James mocked.

“No!” Dan shot back narrowing his eyes.

He hated James. Absolutely hated him and Pete for what they did to Phil, though that bit of self-hate for not helping him still lingered.

“You’re too good for us then Posh Boy?” Pete asked standing up balling his hands into fists.

“Dude, cool it.” Zachery said pushing Pete’s shoulder to sit him down.

“It’s okay.” Alyssa added looking from Pete to James.

“I’m meeting up with some old friends from home.” Dan lied to get them off his back. “And don’t call me posh.”

“We’ll get you hammered next weekend then!” Chloe giggled easing the tension leaning back into Dan.

Dan just nodded neither accepting nor declining the offer and went back to eating. At least James and Pete now know where he stands with them, he thought. The bell couldn’t ring soon enough releasing them from the awkward conversation that soon followed. As Dan grabbed his things for his next period, someone tapped his shoulder.

“Allison. Hi.” Dan smiled tucking his books under his arm.

“Hey. You okay?” she asked walking with him towards gym.

“Yeah, fine. You?”

“Dan, come on. This honesty thing can’t be a one way street. What’s going on?”

“James and Pete.” Dan sighed realizing she’s right. “Why do they even sit with us if they hate us?”

“They don’t hate us. Just you.” Allison shrugged.

“Great. Thanks.” Dan replied rolling his eyes.

“That’s not what I meant. Chloe and James had a thing not too long before you moved here. And they sort of broke it off and now she’s paying so much attention to you…”

“That’s not my fault!” Dan whined. “But why is Pete mad then?”

“Dan, Pete is James’s fraternal twin. I thought you knew that.” she replied stopping outside the girl’s locker room.

“I do now. Why are they such dicks though? To everyone?” Dan pressed.

“I don’t know. Just the school bullies I suppose. I’d rather have them on our side than against us though, you know?”

“Yeah.”

“Cheer up buttercup! A few more classes and we’re done for the day.” she smiled giving Dan’s cheek a little pinch walking into the locker room to get changed.

Dan smiled at the door then turned to get himself changed and ready for gym. Soon enough, he’d be in trigonometry with Phil where maybe he could try talking to him again. As always, Dan partnered with Allison for their activities and got their things done as soon as they could. Allison was quite an athletic girl while Dan on the other hand wasn’t awful at gym, but it definitely wasn’t his best class.

He definitely liked Allison most out of anyone else in the group. Not that the others were bad, Dan just felt he trusted Allison the most. Zachery and Alyssa kept to themselves, Tyler and Liam just liked to party, and Chloe was a bit too clingy. But Allison was easy to be friends with. She cared about Dan without knowing his family’s financial status and he really liked that about her. She was genuine and even though they weren’t at all alike, Dan was glad that she was his friend.

By the time Dan got to trigonometry, he couldn’t be happier. He approached the empty desk next to Phil and set his books down smiling.

“I can still sit here, right?” he asked before he did just to be sure it was okay.

Phil once again jumped at Dan’s entrance, to the sound of Dan dropping his books on his desk. He quickly nodded to the question, hardly lifting his head out of his sketchbook. Dan sat down in his seat beginning to scribble down the warm ups in his journal and answer them easily with short cuts Christopher taught him.

“Can I ask you something a little personal?” Dan asked tapping his pencil.

Phil bit his lip at the question, before nodding slowly. He couldn’t help but pay a little bit more attention to whatever Dan was going to ask.

“Right. If you don’t want to answer, that’s okay. I don’t want to cross any lines.” Dan started. “But how do you talk to people if you don’t write notes? Do you know Sign Language or do you just hope you get your point across by body language?” Dan asked biting his tongue before he said anything else.

Phil wasn’t really expecting the question - but what was he expecting really. He flipped to a new page, scrubbing the answer down for Dan. ‘I know sign language.’

“Oh that’s great! How long did it take you to learn it? Are you fluent? Have you ever seen a speech therapist or is it a medical thing? Do you even want to speak or do you like being mute?” Dan slapped his hands over his mouth flushing a little. “I’m so sorry. I - when I don’t know things…I’m sorry, you don’t need to answer those. I’ll stop bothering you now.” Dan sighed looking down to his warmups drawing little equations on the side trying not to blush. Phil looked at the ground while Dan asked him these questions, his toes curling out of nervousness. He sat there as Dan rambled on further, turning to focus back in on his drawing as Dan slowly stopped talking.

Dan took a peek over to Phil to see him drawing seeming to be alright. He really hoped he hadn’t offended him, but chances were, he did. It’s like asking someone in a wheelchair if they ever want to walk. You can’t just ask those questions because you’re curious, Dan thought to himself thankful for once that Mrs. Schneider began her lesson.

After school, Dan waited until Phil left for him to go just so that he wouldn’t say anything stupid. He also wanted the next thing he said to Phil wouldn’t even be said at all. Once he got home, he met Christopher in the study and before they could start with the formalities, Dan blurted exactly what he wanted.

“I want to learn Sign Language.”

“Why? It’s not practical.”

“Because I already know French, German, Italian, and Spanish and I want to learn Sign Language.”

“Why not learn a language that actually matters? Like Polish or Russian?”

“Because I think Sign Language is practical. What if a client I have is deaf or hard of hearing? Why should I pay for an interpreter if I can just sign to them myself?” Dan replied crossing his arms over his chest.

“Oh stop with the hissy fit.” Christopher rolled his eyes uncrossing Dan’s arms.

“I’m not having a hissy fit. I’m asking you to teach me something and after a logical argument, you’re refusing.” Dan responded.

“No, your cheeks are flushing. Your tell-tale sign you’re angry and having a hissy fit. Been that way since you were four years old. Though I never said I’d refuse. I just wanted to be sure it was worth our time.” Christopher said turning back towards the desk.

“It is worth our time. It’s something I don’t already know.” Dan replied trying to stay calm so he’d be taken seriously.

“Alright, if you’re so persistent, I’ll teach you. Just give me time to go out and buy a textbook. Practice while I’m gone.”

Dan nodded watching Christopher leave waiting until he heard the front door close and did a happy dance. Finally, he’d be able to talk to Phil and think about what he signs before he signs it. And it’s going to take a while, but hopefully by this weekend, he’ll know enough to have a simple conversation with Phil.


	11. Chapter 11

_A Few Days Later_

The final bell rang for the day and Dan couldn’t be more excited. He purposefully didn’t talk to Phil all week in hopes he could impress him with the few phrases he learned. He gathered his things and followed Phil to his locker waiting patiently for him to grab the books he needed.

Phil traded his pencil in for a new one, opening the stash of art supplies he had in his locker. He closed his locker, looking around the hallways as he heard students starting to flood in. He gave Dan a look, hoping he’d figure it out. Dan grabbed Phil’s hand leading him out of the building before the halls got too crowded not needing any of his books. He only brought his backpack home for show, but staying would make Phil anxious. Dan knew that now - that large groups of people should be avoided to keep Phil comfortable - which is how he wanted Phil to be around him. Once they were outside, Dan pressed his lips together so he wouldn’t say anything. He waited this long - he’s not going to blow it now. Phil moved a comfortable distance away from Dan, but didn’t pull his hand away. He kept their fingers entwined, though he knew people would stare if they didn’t hurry away from school grounds. Phil lead them quickly to the park, walking passed the field and to the playground. Dan held out a swing motioning for Phil to sit down as he took a seat next to him in his own swing. Dan looked up at the chains hoping they wouldn’t collapse under him. He felt the cold metal chain in one hand, then turned back to Phil thinking about what he was going to sign to him, then decided on staying simple for now.

‘Hello Phil. How are you today?’ he signed hoping it wasn’t too sloppy or fast and Phil could read it.

Phil’s eyes widened a bit as he watched Dan’s hands make familiar signs. He recognized them immediately and he didn’t know what to say. He looked up to Dan’s face, as if it would confirm that did in fact just happen. Taking his hands off the swing and placing his sketchbook on the ground, he slowly signed back. ‘Did you learn this for me?’ He hoped Dan could understand that.

Dan smiled when Phil signed back but didn’t quite get everything. He picked up a few words and assumed the rest so that he could answer.

‘Yes, but I do not know a lot.’ he signed still smiling. ‘I want to know it all one day.’

Phil’s face broke into a bright smile, something his face hasn’t worn in a long time. He flicked his eyes up to Dan’s, not knowing what to say - and quite content not saying anything. He was going to help Dan, teach him more if he wanted to learn.

“I only know a little bit more. I can spell my name and your’s too. And I mess up on times a lot but I’m working on that. I only know baby phrases like ‘how are you?’ and ‘I like to…’ then a few activities.” Dan sighed wishing he knew enough to hold a conversation with Phil. “But I am trying to learn more.”

‘I promise.’ he signed.

Phil grinned at Dan, not sure what to think at that moment. Dan did that all for him: Dan is learning an entire language all for him. He put his hands in his lap, smiling happily as he looked down at the ground. Dan felt his heart flutter seeing Phil smile knowing he caused it. He didn’t know what else to say, so he tried to start swinging kicking his legs on the ground to get him to go unsure why he wasn’t going higher. He decided the swing was probably broken, but didn’t want to move away from Phil so he just sat, holding onto the cold chains.

Phil noticed Dan’s struggling and remembered he’d never been on a swing before. He got up from his swing, trying not to step on his sketchbook and stood behind Dan, placing his hands on Dan’s sides. He knew he wasn’t strong at all, and he was glad he only had to count on momentum.

“Woah!” Dan gasped once he felt Phil push him.

He let out a nervous laugh gripping the chains tighter wishing swings had a seat belt or something extra to hold him in. Phil continued to push Dan allowing him to go a little bit higher each time. Dan’s heart dipped every time he came down and soared every time he went up. This must be what flying feels like. He kicked his legs unsure of what to do with them, then just decided to let them hang and go along with the swing. Phil grinned as he pushed Dan, trying to have his hands land on the seat so he wouldn’t hurt him. He hoped Dan was enjoying this - he kind of was.

“I’m really high up!” Dan squealed.

He allowed another little nervous laugh to pass through his lips, though it wasn’t as nervous as the first. This was fun. More fun than playing video games or getting new music for piano. This was different and blissful and perfect. He almost wished he’d done this earlier, but was glad that he’s experiencing it with Phil for the first time.

“I think I’m scared,” he admitted more to himself than Phil, “how do I stop?”

Phil quickly stopped pushing Dan, allowing him to swing a few more times and slow down, before holding his sides and gently slowing him to a stop.

“Thanks.” Dan smiled, his heart still pounding and his hair messed up from the wind while on the swing. ‘I like swinging.’ Dan signed to Phil, his smile growing. Phil let out an inaudible laugh once he read Dan’s hands. He stood in front of his swing, slightly out of breath from pushing Dan.

“While we’re here, do you mind if I try out the slide?” Dan asked Phil looking to the silver slide that so many children have gone down before without a second thought.

Phil shook his head, looking over at it. He used to play at this park all the time when he was young - unfortunately his childhood ended way too soon, and he couldn’t even remember the last time he went on that slide.

Dan smiled back at Phil and climbed the tall ladder all the way to the top looking down. He sat with his legs in front of him, knuckles turning white holding onto the edge so he wouldn’t go until he was ready. What if he fell off? Kids fall off slides all the time. What would he tell his parents if he got hurt? What if he went too fast and couldn’t stop and what if he broke the slide? Is it even meant to hold his weight? Children, yes, teenages, Dan isn’t sure about.

“Actually, I think I change my mind.” Dan decided pulling his legs into his chest wondering if he could climb down the ladder as easily as he climbed up.

The whole time watching Dan climb up, Phil started to want to go down as well. He climbed up the ladder, sitting behind Dan at the top of the slide. 'Are you getting down?’ He signed, hoping Dan could understand.  
The only words Dan could make out that Phil signed was ‘you’ and ‘down’ but that was enough for him. He shook his head still holding the sides tightly, hesitantly raising his hands to sign something back. ‘I do not know. I do not think so.’ Dan gripped the side again and sighed. “It’s really high up.”

Phil bit his lip, noticing Dan having trouble reading his signs. He pointed at the both of them, trying to ask Dan if he’d feel safer going with him. Dan looked at Phil and nodded chewing on the inside of his cheek for being so silly and worried about a slide that little kids play on all the time. Though in his defense, little kids had their parents at the bottom to catch them the first time they went down. Dan was expected to do his first slide all by himself.‘Your hand in mine?’ Dan signed not knowing how to ask properly, hoping they made sense to Phil. Phil held in a laugh, smiling at the words. He moved beside Dan on the top of the side, it wasn’t wide enough for the both of them, causing Phil to have to squeeze in. Dan grabbed Phil’s hand tightly in his sweaty palm hoping Phil wouldn’t point it out or tease him for being so worked up about a stupid slide. “Okay, so we’ll slide when I say ‘go’ okay?” Dan asked taking a deep breath. “3, 2, 1…go!” Dan called shutting his eyes tightly.

Phil moved forward, feeling the sudden stomach drop and wind in his face, causing him to smile. Before Dan had time to scream, they were stopped at the bottom of the slide. Dan opened his eyes and looked to Phil, then to their hands where Phil’s was trapped in Dan’s death grip.

“That wasn’t so bad.” Dan decided letting go of Phil’s hand to allow him blood circulation. “Thanks for going with me.” he blushed scratching his arm even though it wasn’t itchy.

Phil flashed Dan a quick smile and laid back on the slide, resting his head on the cool metal. He felt weird, for the first time in so long - he felt alive, not just there to draw. Dan got up off the slide pulling Phil up.

“Let’s lay in the grass. It’s softer than the slide.” Dan smiled still buzzing from his first swing and slide experience. Nodding slowly, looking passed Dan and into the fields Phil followed Dan. He was the first to lay down, resting his hands on his stomach. Dan kneeled next to Phil picking a purple flower and placing it in Phil’s hair, then lay down next to him. He brought his hand close to Phil’s - their fingertips barely touching. Phil laughed silently at the flower being placed in his hair. He picked up his hands, signing a joking 'How do I look?’

‘Beautiful.’ Dan signed back without even needing to think or joke.

He cuddled close to Phil holding his hand debating his next move. Is it too early to ask? He guessed he’d might as well put the offer out there.

“I still want to stay here for a while, but when it gets dark…do you maybe want to come over to my house? And like - stay overnight? Or whatever?” Dan stumbled.

He’d never actually invited anyone over for sleepovers, even with his old friends. They always just sort of invited themselves in and that’s how it was.

Phil’s mind buzzed as his stomach churned. He ran his thumb gently on Dan’s hand, nodding. He’d never actually slept over at a friend’s house before so he wasn’t sure what to expect.

“Really?!” Dan asked sitting up right just to be sure Phil wasn’t trying to swat away a bug or something. “I don’t even know what we’re going to do, but I’ve got video games, and movies, and… well, I don’t know. I have a lot of stuff. We can figure it out later.” Dan smiled laying back down next to Phil wondering how much junk food they had.

They’d definitely have to take a trip to the store to load up on unhealthy snacks seeing as Dan’s diet was, unfortunately, filled with fruits, vegetables, meat, and grain. His parents don’t want Dan hyped up on sugar or to have any cavities seeing as he was representing the Howells and a mouth full of cavities certainly not improve the family name. Phil stared up at the cloud covered sky, he wished the clouds weren’t there so he could see the sun set, as opposed to everything just slowly turning a darker grey. He ran his fingers gently across Dan’s, trying not to think about how weird this was for him. He felt the need to draw again, but ignored it, not wanting to move from that spot.

Dan’s mind buzzed with everything they could do later tonight. Maybe they could walk around his back yard and go for a nighttime swim in his pool since it was indoors and heated so weather didn’t matter, or maybe they could just stuff their faces with junk food and stay up all night talking about teachers and their classmates. Dan reached for his phone with his other hand and sent a text to the head maid asking if she or someone could have the house ready for a friend of his - meaning anything that Dan could possibly want to do was out and available to him.

“Do you need to stop at your house to get sleepover stuff or do you just want to borrow mine?” Dan asked ready to text his chauffeur if needed. Was it normal to borrow your friend’s clothes? Phil thought. He slid his hand out if Dan’s and signed 'I’d rather not go home.’

Dan nodded and squeezed Phil’s hand wanting to ask him why he didn’t like home, but he figured that could be saved for that deep talk at 4am.

“That’s fine. I’ve got plenty of pajamas and extra toothbrushes and stuff.” Dan replied trying his best to comfort Phil. “Do you want to go now?” He asked seeing as the sky was too cloudy for stars. Phil was quite content there, but nodded anyway. As soon as he stood up he felt cool air rush to his side where Dan’s body was against him making him shiver. He remembered his sketchbook over by the swings and ran over to grab it, returning to Dan’s side. Dan sent a text asking to be picked up at the park hoping he knew how to get there alright. “Phil, if you feel uncomfortable at any point tonight and you want to go home, will you promise to tell me? It doesn’t matter what time it is and how late or early or whatever. If you want to go home, just tell me and I won’t be sad. I understand.” Dan told him hoping that he wasn’t scaring Phil away before he even came over.

He just wanted him to be prepared for the maids waiting on them and the fancy car and everything. It’s a lot to take in.

Phil was a bit confused, but accepted it anyway. Dan looked around for his car and pulled Phil towards it - his usual black Escalade limo - climbing into the back and sitting on the white leather seats.

“You want to pick up junk food ourselves or should I send for someone else to?” Dan asked once Phil was seated in the car. Phil shrugged, weird that Dan would even ask him that question. He wasn’t even really hungry at the moment, but if Dan wanted it.

“Alright, I can just ask someone else.” Dan smiled as the car pulled away from the curb and began driving towards his house.  
He began tapping unsure what Phil was going to think of him now. He didn’t want to be some ‘posh boy from the south’, but that’s literally who he was. He just hoped Phil could see through that and Dan wasn’t getting too excited by bringing him over so early in the friendship. They pulled up to his house while Dan watched Phil’s face carefully trying to read him.

Phil stared at Dan’s house, scanning it. He’d never seen it before, and now he had something full of detail to draw. He turned to look at Dan, wondering why they were still sitting there.

“Ready to go in?” Dan asked as his chauffeur opened the car door.

Dan slid out first holding his hand out for Phil in case he needed it and pushed the front door to his house open gesturing for Phil to go in.

Phil was intimidated by the house and amount of people in it. Maids and butlers zipped by left and right busying themselves with some task. Phil stuck by Dan’s side, so close he had to make sure not to trip on Dan’s feet. Dan gave his arm a squeeze and walked into his private study closing the door so no one would barge in.

“This is my study. No one comes in except for me and Christopher.” Dan explained. “It’s safe here so no one will walk in or anything. Not even the maids. But what do you want to do?” He asked trying to sound casual hoping that would make Phil relax more. Phil started walking around the room, poking around and looking at books. He found a sign language book and figured he could show Dan a few things tonight if he wanted to. Dan watched Phil looking around giving him plenty of time to explore. He sat on his piano bench holding his fingers over the keys pretending to play waiting for Phil to be finished and ask to move to the next room, prepared to be a good host and give him the grand tour just like he was taught through his etiquette classes.

Phil sat down next to Dan, not quite sure what to do. He watched his fingers ghost over the keys, as if he was trying to guess the melody. Dan noticed Phil staring and placed his hands back in his lap and smiled at him.

“We don’t have to sit in here if you don’t want to. I’ve got a pool in the back room, or video games and tons of movies we can watch. I’m not a very good host. I don’t know what to do.” Dan laughed watching Phil. “Can you play?” he asked Phil pressing down the G.

Phil shook his head. Watching Dan’s fingers.

“That’s okay. I probably wouldn’t either if my parents didn’t get me into it. I’m kind of glad they did though. I like it a lot.” He smiled running his fingers over the keys without making a note. “Do you want to try?” Dan offered hoping playing the piano at a sleepover wouldn’t bore Phil to death.

Phil tilted his head a bit, staring at the piano. He nodded, lifting his hand and lightly placing it on the keys, not pushing any down. Dan gently rested his fingers over Phil’s lifting his hands and pressing his fingers down on the right notes.

“It’s called Nuvole Bianche. It means ‘white clouds’ in Italian.” Dan explained manipulating Phil’s fingers to produce the right chords and notes. He looked at Phil for a moment before closing his eyes, just letting the music be felt - no words, no actions, just music. Phil quickly fell in love with the sounds that came off his fingertips. The song was beautiful, and he tried to make his fingers easy to manipulate. He focused on the keys, watching them move with every note. As the song came to an end, Dan eased up his hands on Phil’s and turned to look at him seeming to still be in a trance from the song. Dan remembers feeling that anytime he flawlessly plays any song for the first time - unable to believe that his fingers made such beautiful noises. He felt so happy to share that feeling with Phil and for him to know how wonderful it feels. Before he could stop himself, Dan leaned over and kissed Phil’s cheek.

Phil didn’t move his head until he felt Dan’s lips slowly lift off his cheek. It’s a friendly gesture- definitely. Friends do that. He wished he wasn’t so clueless, but Dan didn’t seem to mind that much.

‘My home is your home.’ Dan signed to Phil standing up off the bench. “What are we gonna do first?”

***

After playing a ton of video games (Phil mostly watching while Dan played) and watching a few movies, both boys decided they should go to sleep. Dan led Phil up the massive staircase wishing there weren’t so many bloody stairs and they didn’t echo so loudly when their feet tapped them. Dan pushed his bedroom door open walking into his closet where his dresser was and dug around for a pair of pajamas for both him and Phil. Dan usually slept just in his boxers, but he didn’t know if that would weird Phil out or not.

“Phil, can you come in here?” Dan called from his walk-in closet sitting on the small couch they had in there.

It wasn’t exactly huge nor did it have two stories or anything silly like that, but it was big enough for all of his clothes, a large dresser, and a couch to comfortably sit, allowing him plenty of room still. Bigger than an average walk-in closet, Dan knew that for sure. Phil came in a few seconds later, looking around the closet in curiosity. He sat down next to Dan.

“I don’t know what you want to wear for pajamas. So um, you can just take whatever.” he gestured towards his dresser.

Phil hesitated, before pulling the drawers open. He looked around a bit, before picking out a pair of checkered pajama pants and a blue t-shirt. He closed the draws and sat down next to Dan again holding the clothes.

“You can change in here if you want to. I’ll be in my room.” Dan replied walking out closing the door.

He quickly took his shirt and pants off and stood in his boxers debating if he should just dive under his duvet or not. He’s tried sleeping with pajamas on before, but somehow he always ends up kicking them off or tossing and turning all night restricted by the fabric. He decided that seeing as the important parts were covered, he should be fine. Maybe he could wear a tshirt until Phil was asleep if that would make him feel more comfortable. Dan climbed into bed and tugged the duvet over him.

Phil emerged from the closet in Dan’s clothes. They were a bit big on him - but that was Phil’s fault. He saw Dan laying in his bed under the covers. He sat down on the couch, testing it and it seemed pretty comfortable.

“What are you doing?” Dan asked sitting up in his bed looking at Phil with confusion.

Phil quickly got up from the couch. Dan wanted him to sleep on the floor? He internally shrugged. Dan let out a quiet laugh as Phil sat on his floor and began making himself comfortable. Did he really think Dan would force him to sleep on a floor? Even a couch! Even if he didn’t want to share his bed, he would get someone to prepare a guest room for Phil.

“Get up here you spoon.” Dan laughed patting the empty space on his king sized bed. “You’re not sleeping on the floor.”

Phil bit his lip at Dan’s words. He hesitantly climbed into the bed, trying to take only a little bit of covers, so Dan wouldn’t be annoyed at him.

‘How are you?’ Dan signed just to make sure Phil was still okay. “You seem so tense.” Dan added out loud throwing half of the duvet over Phil’s body. “Do you want a heat pad or anything? Maybe a cup of tea?”

Phil was cold, but he didn’t want to bother Dan, and he’d probably warm up from the covers. He slid his hands out and signed 'I’m okay.’

“Alright. Just let me know if you need anything.” Dan replied moving closer to Phil. Phil moved to his side, facing Dan as he got comfortable. He snuggled the blanket to his chest, watching Dan’s face. Dan wrapped an arm around Phil smiling at him. He kissed Phil’s forehead leaving his lips there a little too long, but it was late and he couldn’t be bothered to care.

“Goodnight Phil. Thanks for everything today.” Dan whispered. “It was perfect.”

Phil removed the bunch of blanket that was separating them. He laid there, not knowing what to do with his hands. He placed a hand on Dan’s side, a little above his hip. Dan cuddled into Phil more, hugging him like he usually does with his pillow every night - though a person was much more comfortable and warm. Dan fell asleep almost instantly breathing in Phil’s scent and listening to his steady breathing.


	12. Chapter 12

Dan slowly allowed himself to wake up stretching his arms out in front of him. He smiled at Phil watching him sleep for a moment propping himself up on his elbow and resting his head on his hand. Phil’s chest raised and fell evenly as he slept soundlessly. As much as he wanted to continue and watch Phil sleeping peacefully, he realized that it would be weird and he’d have no explanation as to why he was watching Phil. Instead, Dan rolled over and pulled the drawing Phil made of Dan off the wall and laid on his stomach running his fingers over the paper gently. Phil rolled over a few times, waking up from Dan’s movements. His eyes fluttered open to Dan, memories of everything flooding back into his mind. He sat up next to him, looking over the drawing in his hands.

“Remember when you gave me this?” Dan smiled once he felt Phil adjusting.

Phil looked up to Dan’s face, returning the smile and nodded.

“You were so scared of me. And I know why now, but I’m really glad you gave it to me.” he continued.

Phil reached over to the nightstand, grabbing his sketchbook. ‘Is that the only thing you have for your walls?’ Phil wrote, sitting back down next to Dan so he could read.

“Yeah. My parents won’t let me hang anything up since it’s not proper or something like that. But I like looking at this one while I fall asleep,” Dan smiled twisting his fingers in with Phil’s, “because it reminds me of you.”

Phil had a bit of a delayed reaction, watching Dan’s fingers entwine with his own; but he looked up to Dan and smiled. He was glad Dan wanted to think of him.

“How long do you suppose we’ll be able to lay here before we get asked about breakfast?” Dan smiled giving Phil’s hand a squeeze. “Are you hungry?”

Phil shrugged, watching Dan’s face as he spoke. His fingers flipped pages of his sketchbook, though he wasn’t even looking at it.

“How do you not know?” Dan laughed. “I’m hungry like, all the time. But I don’t mind just laying here for a bit if that’s what you want.” Phil shuffled his legs a bit as he tried to get comfortable. He opened up his sketchbook, looking through his drawings. Dan chewed on his bottom lip watching Phil just flip through his book. Was Phil not interested in him? He hoped not. He really was starting to like Phil and could see the possibility of having him as a boyfriend if he could just learn more Sign Language so they can communicate easier. Dan put a hand over Phil’s sketch book to lower it so that he’d look up at Dan.

‘You look beautiful today.’ he signed hoping Phil would pick up on his flirting attempt.

Phil’s eyes followed his book as it was lowered, but smiled at Dan’s comment. ‘Thank you.’ he signed back, having to let go of Dan’s hand and he turned his attention back on his sketchbook.

“Excuse me, Daniel?” a maid asked knocking on the door. “Chef would like to know if you and your guest will be down for breakfast this morning?”

“I don’t think so. I think we’re just going to sit up here for a bit. Thank you though.” Dan replied scooting away from Phil just a bit so she wouldn’t assume anything.

“As you wish. Would you prefer your door closed or open?” she questioned.

“Closed.” Dan replied as she left the room pulling the door shut behind her.

Dan huffed internally scooting closer to Phil again thinking of something else to say without coming on too strong. He leaned into Phil playing with the string on his pajama pants pulling Phil closer to him and tried again.

“You look really good in my clothes.” he whispered biting his lip for added effect. “If you want, you can borrow a hoodie or something. Maybe wear it to school one day or something?” he suggested while his heart pounded.

Phil watched Dan’s hands playing with his pants, flicking his eyes up to Dan as he began to speak. He smiled a bit and nodded, he’d certainly be okay with it. Dan nodded smiling widely at him and hugged him to his chest tightly hoping Phil wouldn’t feel his heart trying to escape his chest. Something about Phil being with him made him so happy and not feel so alone. He imagined Phil in one of his oversized hoodies while they cuddled in their field or watched a movie and it mad Dan so inexplicably happy, he might just explode.

“I know I had you all night, but maybe if you’re not doing anything, we can still hang out today. If you want to, I mean. Like we could get lunch anywhere you want and eat it in the park. And maybe you can wear one of my hoodies and I can pay for you and we can just…I don’t know, just be together.” Dan asked, his best way of asking Phil on a date.

Phil held his sketchbook as Dan pulled him into a hug. He hoped Dan wouldn’t be mad at him for not being a very good friend. He nodded a bit at Dan’s question - he’d certainly be okay with spending more time with Dan.

“So that’s a yes?” Dan asked unbearably happy.

He just asked Phil on a date and he said yes! He said yes! Dan did his best to not overreact but couldn’t stop himself from hopping out of bed to get dressed. Once in his closet, he ran to the back where he kept his favorite t shirts and skinny jeans - clothes his parents hated him wearing but the things he loved most - and got dressed as quickly as he could running back out to his room.

“Do you need to borrow clothes? You can pick out whatever you want. I don’t really care. Just whatever you like.” Dan told him, talking at a thousand miles an hour.

Phil watched Dan run out of the bed and get dressed. Phil slowly got out of the bed and walked to the closet, before turning to Dan. ‘Choose for me.’ He signed - having no idea what to pick.

“Um, okay.” Dan replied looking around. “Maybe you can wear this? Do you like it?” Dan asked holding up one of his older, more worn shirts.

It wasn’t anything special to his parents, or even his maids, but it was his most loved shirt he owned - a concert t-shirt from Reading Festival the first year he went with his ‘friends’. It held more memories and meaning than he could describe to anyone.

Phil nodded, taking the shirt. He’d wear his jeans again with it. He pulled the plain t-shirt he had on over his head, replacing it with the once Dan handed him and walked passed Dan to retrieve his jeans from the table. He tried to changed his pants quickly hoping Dan didn’t mind.

“Not that I mind you barely wearing anything in front of me, but did you want me to leave or anything?” Dan joked staring at Phil’s perfect legs.

Phil quickly pulled his pants up at the words. He probably crossed a line. Phil bit his lip and looked down, he cursed at himself for being a bad friend to Dan. He closed his eyes at his thoughts, disappointed in himself.

“Oh no, no, no, no, no.” Dan said noticing how Phil was starting to shut down. “I didn’t mean it as a bad thing. I’m just a dick.” He comforted holding Phil’s face between his hands to look in his eyes hoping Phil could tell he was being sincere before pulling him into a hug rubbing his back. “That was just my horrible attempt at being funny. You’re fine. I don’t care how much or little you wear around me as long as you’re comfortable, okay?”

Phil closed his eyes, silencing his thoughts. He nodded slowly, taking Dan’s words.

“I really love that shirt. I really like it on you too. Do you want a hoodie or something?” he asked pulling away from the hug to grab a hoodie for himself hoping he didn’t ruin what he had with Phil.

Phil nodded again, walking over to where Dan was. Dan grabbed a random grey hoodie wishing he had one with more meaning, though he wasn’t really attached to any certain one. He would be now, though, seeing as this one would be Phil’s. Phil took the hoodie, putting it on and walked back over to the bed, sitting down and putting his sketchbook back on his lap. He wasn’t sure if Dan wanted to do anything else before they took off.

“Did you want to walk around a bit before grabbing lunch?” Dan asked sitting next to Phil slapping his hands over his mouth. “Sorry, my breath must smell awful. Be right back.” Dan replied running into his bathroom to scrub at his teeth.

If all things went as planned, he’d be kissing Phil today and he didn’t want their first kiss to taste like morning breath.

Phil thought if Dan was going to brush his teeth, he might as well do the same. He walked into the bathroom where Dan was brushing his teeth, making weird faces in the mirror being sure he got everywhere. Phil pointed to Dan’s toothbrush, hoping he’d understand - if he even had one to borrow.

“Right, sorry.” Dan mumbled, mouth full of toothpaste digging around in his drawer for the extras they always seemed to have. “Is blue okay? Or is green better? I have orange too if you like that.” Dan replied emptying the drawer putting each one on the counter for Phil to choose from. “I’m sure there’s more colors if you don’t like those.”

Phil laughed silently as Dan mumbled, toothbrush hanging out of his mouth. He picked one of a random color and started brushing his own teeth. Dan’s heart fluttered seeing Phil laugh, though he’s not sure what caused him to. He figured it must be how ridiculous he looks with toothpaste foam coating his lips threatening to drip out of his mouth so he smiled and turned to Phil.

‘Do I look silly?’ he signed crossing one eye towards the middle and raising his arms to look like some sort of demented toothpaste monster. Phil started laughing, holding the green toothbrush in his mouth so it wouldn’t fall out. He nodded, still laughing at Dan as he began to brush. Dan smiled feeling a sense of accomplishment to make Phil laugh. He’s not ashamed to admit it’s one of his proudest moments - anytime he can get a smile on Phil’s face. He finished brushing his teeth trying to look somewhat attractive, but gave up knowing there’s no ‘sexy’ way anyone can brush their teeth then spit up all over the sink. He wiped his mouth on the hanging towel and handed the other side to Phil to use once he finished more than ready to start their first date.

Phil quickly finished, walking passed Dan and back into his room while Dan stuffed his iPod and headphones into his pocket. Phil grabbed his sketchbook, holding it to his chest as he walked back to Dan.

“Ready to go?” Dan asked holding his arm out jokingly like an old Englishmen for Phil to take so he could lead him out. Phil took a second, trying to make sure he did this right and locked arms with Dan. He felt a bit silly but didn’t question it. Leading Phil out, he decided to skip the whole ‘rich boy chauffeur’ thing and just walk with Phil, giving them more time to be together and alone.

“So where do you want to eat?” Dan asked hoping Phil would sign one of the foods he learned earlier this week.

Phil shrugged, not having a clue. He slid his arm out of Dan’s, signing back 'Take out.’ He didn’t want to sit in with a ton if people.

“Take out? I don’t really know this town too well but I guess we can just walk around. Then when you see something, just tell me and we’ll go in.” Dan decided figuring that’d be better than playing the ‘where do you want to go?’ game.

Phil nodded, watching the pavement in front of him. He watched his feet, his steps making a rhythm. Dan’s hand lightly grazed Phil’s casually for a few steps before wrapping his arm around Phil, resting his hand on Phil’s side pulling him closer. His finger dipped into Phil’s belt loop on his jeans while he smiled contently as they made their way into town.

Phil looked over at Dan’s hand on his side, not paying too much mind to it and dipped his head back down as they got closer towards the crowds of people. Dan’s grip on Phil tightened as they walked through hoards of people. He took a look over to Phil real quick, then brought him to sit on a bench on the side of a building.

‘Breathe.’ He signed. ‘How are you feeling?’

Phil nodded, not looking up to Dan’s face but his hands. He was okay for now, just rather uncomfortable.

“Would you rather stay here while I get the food then? Or do you want to stay with me?” Dan questioned resting his hand on Phil’s knee giving it a gentle squeeze. Phil thought for a moment, before shaking his head. ‘I’ll go.’ he signed to Dan, not looking up. Dan smiled outstretching his hand to pull Phil up off the bench, then twisted his fingers in with Phil’s. Dan pulled Phil along, whispering encouraging words and weaving in and out of the masses trying to get to a calmer part of town so they could grab their lunch and go.

Phil held Dan’s hand tightly, hoping he wasn’t hurting Dan. He spotted a small restaurant that wasn’t far and turned his head to Dan, wanting to get out of the crowd. A sudden shove caught him off guard, and in total panic he wrapped an arm around Dan’s stomach, grabbing a fistfull of his tshirt and literally shoving his face into Dan’s hair. Dan wrapped an arm tightly around Phil, his heart breaking that Phil was getting so nervous. Yet, Dan was glad that he was the one Phil was holding onto and that he was the one who could make Phil try to feel comfortable. Dan pulled him into a small restaurant once they crossed the road to get him away from the crowd deciding that this was a good place to get food. He walked to the front and asked for two take out menus and handed one to Phil.

“What do you want to eat?” He asked skimming the menu himself.

Phil held onto Dan’s shirt tightly, as if trying to expel the frightened energy through it. He pointed at Dan, hoping he understood he’d have whatever Dan had. He didn’t want to sign anything, not wanting to let go of Dan’s shirt.

“You…want me to choose? Or you want the same thing I get?” Dan asked tilting his head. “Or do you just want me?” Dan laughed at his own stupid joke scrunching up his nose resting his hand over Phil’s. “As much as I hate saying this, you have to let me go so I can order.”

Phil nodded, quickly letting go of his shirt and taking his hand off Dan’s stomach. ‘Choose whatever.’ he signed, biting his lip- a bit embarrassed.

“I’ll be right back, okay?” Dan smiled locking his pinky with Phil’s. “You can listen to this if you want.” He replied pulling out his pair of headphones and his iPod. “Just play what you’d like.”

Phil nodded, taking it in his hands and scrolling through Dan’s music. He used to listen to music a lot more but he hadn’t done in a while. He sat down in a booth, playing the most recent song Dan was listening to.

Dan made his way to the counter just ordering double of what he usually does at Chinese restaurants and carried the bag back to the table.

“Ready to go?” he asked leaning over to see what song Phil was listening to noticing that it was ‘Resistance’ by Muse. “They’re one of my favorites. You have pretty good taste in music.” Dan smiled stretching out his hand for Phil to take.

Phil took Dan’s hand to get up, pausing the song and handing the iPod back to Dan. Phil followed closely behind him, eager to get to the park away from everything. After making their way down and block and out of the busy part of town, they found themselves back at the park in their empty field all to themselves while kids laughed and played at the playground that seemed worlds away. Dan dropped to his knees digging out their food handing Phil’s container over to him, then sat back tucking the bag under his knee to throw away later.

“Enjoy.” Dan smiled taking a small forkful of his food.

Phil crossed his legs in the grass, automatically flipping his sketchbook open. He set it beside him and reached for his food, taking a bite before picking up his sketchbook again. He flipped back to the drawing of Dan in the field. For some reason he really wanted to finish it and get it right, and so he continued drawing it.

“What are you drawing?” Dan asked once he finished chewing. “Or am I not supposed to know?” he added taking another bite of food watching Phil move his pencil easily across the page.

Phil scooted over close to Dan, slightly in front of him so he could watch if he wanted to. Phil took another bite of his food, wiping his hand before picking up the pencil again.

“That’s me!” Dan smiled studying the drawing.

Phil had the entire outline drawn and was beginning to work on the detail.Dan’s eyes studied the picture remembering that day clearly. He was kneeling down in the grass pinching a wildflower in between his fingers studying it while his entire world began to crash down around him. But in that moment of beauty - that moment where Dan thought he was all alone - he wasn’t. Phil had been there right at his worst. Right as he was falling and caught him, pulling him back to his feet. He thought about that day and every single minute since then that led them up to this moment, right here and now, sitting with Phil in the same field reliving that single moment in just a drawing. Reliving the calm before the storm knowing he wouldn’t ever face it alone.

“It’s beautiful.” Dan managed staring at Phil.

Phil smiled slightly at Dan’s words, glad he liked it. He kept filling in details, holding the sketchbook in his lap. Dan put his food down next to him looking over Phil seeing him again for the first time. Everything about him was amazing, he’s surprised he didn’t stick out to more people. The brilliant contrast between his dark black hair and icy blue eyes, his pale skin in the light, the way his pink lips moved in concentration when drawing. Dan’s eyes attached to Phil’s lips wondering how it would be to kiss him. He wondered if anyone did before and became jealous thinking about Phil kissing another person. He slowly started leaning in, tipping Phil’s head up by moving his hand under his chin pressed their foreheads together. Dan slowly allowed his eyes to close as he pressed his lips to Phil’s while his brain went in a frenzy. He tasted so wonderful - just like Dan had imagined, yet so different.

Phil’s eyes remained wide, shocked at Dan’s actions but didn’t pull them away. He didn’t know how to kiss someone, so he just kept his lips together. Phil was shocked, but he didn’t question Dan’s actions verbally, not wanting to lose him as a friend. Dan kissed harder pushing Phil onto the grass laying on top of him wanting more. His soft lips were so inviting and once Dan’s lips were attached, he never wanted to pull away, but being their first kiss, he did and rolled over on his side propping up his head in his hand, slowly lifting his eyelids to look at Phil. Phil blinked as soon as their lips came apart, making a small ‘smack’ noise. Phil stared at the sky above him, thinking about what just happened. He tried to snap himself out of it, pretty sure it wasn’t a big deal - he shouldn’t think of it that way. Dan wouldn’t do anything to risk their friendship. His head rolled to the side towards Dan. He smiled a little to let Dan know it was okay - at least he thought it was - he guessed Dan did too. Dan smiled, happy that Phil was seemed okay with the kiss and reached for his hand.

“I don’t ever want to leave. I don’t want another minute to pass or this day to end or anything. I just want things to be this perfect forever.” Dan mumbled to himself wondering if Phil heard his confession.

He pulled out his headphones putting one in Phil’s ear and one in his own and pressed play on his iPod.

_“Love is our resistance, they’ll keep us apart and they won’t stop breaking us down. Hold me, our lips must always be sealed…”_


	13. Chapter 13

“Thanks for today, Phil.” Dan smiled collecting Phil into a tight hug on his doorstep. “I’ll see you in school Monday.”

Dan walked off Phil’s porch waving goodbye and reluctantly began his walk home.

Phil watched Dan go for a bit, before turning back around and heading into his home. He walked through the dark, quiet house and up the stairs to his room. He sat down on his bed, immediately pulling out his sketchbook and flipping to his latest drawing. He started to draw a bit, only making a few marks before his mind began to wonder. The house was silent. Being with Dan’s constant babbling made him realize how quiet and depressing his everything was, and certainly how alone he was. He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to quiet his thoughts and center his mind back on the drawing, which he quickly did. As he drew features of Dan’s face - his lips on paper - he thought about the kiss they had shared only a few hours ago. He remembered what Dan had asked him about his mutism and if he was born with it. Phil could hardly remember what it was like to talk, but the small memory was still there. He couldn’t remember the last conversation he had if he tried. But he could talk to Dan now. Dan was learning sign language, just for him. Phil suddenly got upset: upset at the fact he couldn’t do something like that for Dan. What if Dan realizes how much of a wreck he was and stop wanting to be his friend? He had to show Dan how lucky he felt to have his companionship. He got up from his bed, running down stairs and turning on their old computer. He started researching methods to learn how to speak - if he even could. At that moment there was a click and the door was closed softly. His mum didn’t even look up at him and dragged her feet upstairs to her room. Phil turned back to the computer. Maybe he didn’t have to show Dan how much he meant to him, maybe he could tell him.

***

Dan hopped out of his car a block away from school waving goodbye to his chauffeur and turned the corner. He made his way up the steps and grabbed his things from his locker making his way into English before anyone else was even there. He knew there’d be one person sitting there all alone, and that’s the only person he was there to see.

“Hey Phil.” Dan smiled walking into class putting his books on his own desk, then walked over to sit in the one next to Phil.

Phil picked his head up and gave Dan a quick smile before turning back to his drawing.

“So I know we spent a ton of time together on the weekend, but if you’re not sick of me yet, do you want to come over after school?” Dan asked trying to joke around and be funny. “My chauffeur parks about a block away from school so we can just walk to the car and be able to avoid the masses really easily and make our great escape.”

Smiling at Dan’s comment, Phil nodded a bit, not really picking his head up. He liked to listen to Dan ramble.

“Okay good.” Dan sighed picking up one of Phil’s extra pencils and beginning to tap out of nervous habit. “I can probably get out of studying with Chris today and push my piano til later. And maybe you can have dinner at my house. I’m not sure what we’re having, but Chef’s food is always good. Maybe we can play video games in my room or something. The gardener started planting stuff in the backyard this morning so maybe when we get out, it’ll be all pretty and we can go on a short walk. At my old house, the backyard always looked cool once all the flowers were planted. But I don’t know what we’d do after the walk.” Dan wandered not really paying attention to what he was saying. “I don’t think you’ll be able to sleepover cause it’s a school night, but we can probably hang out really late and I can walk you home again. I liked that last time.” Phil didn’t really know how to respond to all the things Dan said - he never really did, so he just kept drawing as Dan spoke. The first bell announcing the start of the day rang out. Students would be filling the halls and classrooms soon.

“We - or rather - I’ll talk to you after school.”Dan smiled grabbing Phil’s hand and giving it a squeeze.

He walked over to his seat wondering if Phil would mind sitting next to Dan or if that would freak him out. Surely if Dan moved, all his friends would too and he didn’t want to trap Phil or have him feel uncomfortable. Especially after that day in the library. Dan flipped through his notebook looking at all the notes he made on the pages about Phil and how he wanted to start learning Sign Language. He challenged himself to sign as many words in his notebook as he could and did so until people started filing in.

“Hey Dan! We missed you this weekend!” Chloe smiled taking her seat. “How was visiting your southern friends?”

“It was good.” Dan lied smiling thinly.

“Right, well we get you this weekend. I still want to get you trashed!” Tyler announced giving Dan’s arm a light punch.

“Fine, but I’m not getting trashed.” Dan replied laughing.

“Listen up class! We’re going to be finishing Frankenstein this week which means you’ll be having your final papers and projects due soon. So let’s open the class to any questions.” Mr. Hayes announced.

“This conversation is not over.” Tyler jokingly warned.

Dan sat back in his seat sneaking a look over at Phil quickly, then went about taking fake notes.

***

“Man, I was so gone this weekend.” James announced stuffing his face with Zachery’s sandwich. “I had to start drinking this morning if I was going to get through the day.”

“Why are you even here if you’re that hungover?” Liam joked.

“You think mum would let him stay home?” Pete asked rolling his eyes. “She’s such a bitch. Why weren’t you there pretty boy?”

“I was visiting old friends.” Dan replied narrowing his eyes at Pete for his mocking tone. “And my name is Dan. You could try using that every once and awhile, yeah?”

“He’s coming over this weekend though, right Dan?” Allison asked taking a few gulps from her water bottle.

“Yeah, sure. Unless something comes up, I’m pretty sure I’m free.” Dan nodded not committing to anything.

“You better be!” Chloe giggled. “I really want to see how you are when you’re drunk.”

“I’m not getting drunk!” Dan laughed crossing his arms.

“How about a little buzzed?” Liam pressed.

“Maybe.” Dan smiled nibbling on his granola bar.

“Too good for alcohol? Or you too good for us?” James snarled.

“What the hell is your problem with me?” Dan asked glaring at both Pete and James.

“Nothing mate, just a bit of banter.” Pete laughed as Dan’s cheeks flushed. “Calm down kiddo.”

“No, I will not calm down.” Dan replied releasing a breath trying not to shout. “You’ve been taking shots at me since the first day I got here. What did I do?”

“Dan.” Allison warned grabbing his arm. “Come on a walk with me. They’re not worth it.”

Deciding he didn’t want to lose the friends he had or get in a fist fight with James and Pete who’d surely beat the living hell out of him, he got up and walked out of the cafeteria with Allison. He took in a breath of fresh air once they were outside and sat on a bench.

“Sorry. The rest of the guys in there don’t hate me, do they?” Dan asked twisting his fingers together once the color left his face.

“No Dan. Everyone loves you. It’s just James and Pete cause they’re petty dickheads who can’t get over themselves. If anyone, they should be mad at Chloe but it’s not like she did anything wrong. She just came to her senses.” Allison reassured him patting his hands. “I know it’s hard, but just do your best to deal with them. That’s basically what everyone else does.”

“I don’t want to ‘deal with them’ though! It wouldn’t be so bad if they just kept their mouths shut, but all they do is make fun of me no matter what I say or do! My looks, my voice, my stupid accent, just anything!” Dan whined standing up. “I need to walk. Do you want to come with?”

“Sure.” Allison nodded wrapping her arm around Dan’s shoulders as they began to walk. “None of the stuff they say are true though. You’re really a great guy. And they’re missing out on having an amazing friend.”

“Thanks Allison.”

“You’re welcome.”

They fell into a comfortable silence as they both walked around the school.

***

Dan sat in his desk finally happy it was nearing the end of the day. That walk with Allison really helped him clear his head and calm him down which, considering Mrs. Schneider was his last class teacher, really helped. He felt a pang of sadness wishing he could be better for Allison. She really was his closest friend (besides Phil) and he was lucky to have her. She’d make any guy happy, she just wasn’t right for him. He just hoped that when she stops liking him as a crush, she won’t stop hanging out with him. Dan pushed his hair off his face and began his warmups finishing before anyone else - as always - and sat back in his seat smiling at Phil even though he wasn’t looking. It didn’t matter to Dan - he loved seeing Phil off in his own little world.

“Daniel, would you like to start your warmups like everyone else rather than staring off into space?” Mrs. Schneider snapped from her desk.

“I already finished, ma’am.” Dan replied, turning quickly towards her.

“Then you wouldn’t mind doing them on the board.” she asked, though it was more of a statement.

“Not at all.” Dan replied standing up and making his way towards the front of the class while all eyes followed him.

“And you’re going to be right, I assume, or you’ll have a pink slip with your name on it for being a distraction to class.” she snapped, her pen hovering over a detention slip.

“Yes.” Dan nodded working through the problems easily. “I’m never wrong.” he added under his breath.

Once he finished, he sat back in his seat while she checked his work and huffed knowing she couldn’t do anything to get him in trouble. Dan bit his lip to keep the snarky smile off his face deciding he’d celebrate later once she had her back turned.


	14. Chapter 14

Trigonometry couldn’t end soon enough. Once the final bell rang, Dan quickly grabbed the books he needed to bring home then met up with Phil at his locker.

“I’m so ready to go home.” Dan groaned texting Chris telling him that he’s canceling his study session then smiling at Phil. “You ready?” Phil turned back to Dan and nodded, looking behind them down the hall and anticipating the amount of people that would start flooding through the halls if they didn’t hurry. He looked to Dan and started walking, his head sinking down. Dan followed behind him silently and walked out of the building just as everyone else crowded the halls talking about their weekend. Dan slid his hand into Phil’s and led him to the car smiling at his chauffeur as they both slid in. Dan sat back resting his head on the soft leather and sighed reaching out for Phil’s hand to hold during the ride.

“Just fair warning, Chris might come up to me and start shouting. So if you want to like, I don’t know, prepare yourself of something, I suggest you do so.” Dan smiled lifting his head to look at Phil realizing he never told Phil who Christopher was. Phil was a bit confused and tilted his head to the side slightly, playing with Dan’s fingers in his hand.

“It’ll be okay though.” Dan nodded figuring Phil would figure out who he is soon enough. “He’s not that bad.”

The car pulled up to the front door as his chauffeur ran around the side to open the car door. Dan led Phil inside to see Christopher holding his cell phone in his hand expecting Dan.

“What do you mean you’re skipping your studies, Daniel? You skipped last Monday.” Christopher stated tapping his foot.

“I know, I know. But do I really need to do them every day? Mum and Dad won’t even notice.” Dan replied holding Phil’s hand tightly behind his back. “We shouldn’t argue in front of company, Chris. It’s not proper.” Dan smiled.

“Well then, would you rather have this talk with your parents later tonight? Your test grade came back from last week. How did you get a B on a Frankenstein test? Why are you just letting your grades slip like this?”

“It’s a B! I can’t get A’s all the time!”

“Yes you can, Daniel! You do! Cause you’re-”

“Yes, yes, I’m a Howell. I got that. Can’t we skip one lesson?”

“Absolutely not. But I’ll make you a deal. Your friend can stay and sit in if he’d like. But we’re still going through with your studies and piano. And if today goes really well, you may have tomorrow off.”

Dan rolled his eyes and turned to Phil.

“I’m so sorry. Do you mind? I can take you home if you want to.” Dan smiled slightly, his eyes losing their usual spark.

Phil tried to remain calm, or at least look that way as Dan was shouted at. He couldn’t help but flinch a little every time his voice got particularly loud. He kept his head down until he heard Dan talk to him, in which he shook his head, hoping this situation would end quickly.

‘How are you feeling?’ Dan signed wishing he knew how to ask if Phil was okay rather than how he’s feeling all the time.

Phil just nodded at the question, not feeling comfortable to answer Dan when there was someone watching - especially someone this intimidating.

Dan just smiled at Phil leading him into the study while Christopher followed them both in closing the door after them. Dan sat in his regular chair across from Chris and pulled his Sign Language book in his lap. He went over warm up exercises with Christopher signing short sentences and answers to them hoping they’d get to move on to the better stuff and not just review the whole time. As if he read his mind, Christopher introduced their next section showing Dan how to hold his hands and make his movements more fluid and less choppy. Phil pulled out his sketchbook, setting it in front of him, but got a bit distracted by the lesson. He found it interesting watching Dan learn this. Dan took casual glances at Phil while he was drawing and smiled to himself while he finished up his lesson.

“Done?” Dan asked cracking his knuckles.

“Yes. Now to piano, then you and your friend are free.” Christopher smiled. “Good lesson, Daniel. I can tell you’re practicing.”

“Thanks.” Dan replied returning the smile moving towards his piano.

He opened his music binder handing it over to Phil.

“You want to pick out what I play?” he asked while he played his scales and a few simple songs to warm up his fingers. Phil bit his lip, trying not to look at Dan’s tutor and picked up the book. He flipped through a few pages, before finding something he liked by a name he couldn’t pronounce even if he could speak. Dan grabbed his binder back once Phil chose a song.

“Bella Notte, beautiful night.” Dan smiled using his best Italian accent before pressing his fingers to the keys. “Don’t laugh when I make mistakes. I haven’t played this one in a while.”

Dan’s fingers easily found the keys to the point where he didn’t even need to read the music. His fingers just knew the notes and chords to make the song what it was. Dan closed his eyes while he played hoping to convey the music the way Einaudi intended it to be performed despite his slip ups and random wrong notes. Phil watched Dan as he played, transfixed on everything Dan did, his eyes darting from his fingers to his face, not wanting to miss anything that happened. It was so beautiful he couldn’t help but pick up his sketchbook and try to outline Dan.

“That sucked a lot more than usual.” Dan sighed once he finished.

“Again. No mistakes this time.” Christopher ordered looking up from the book he was reading while Dan started again shooting Phil an apologetic look pressing his fingers back on the keys - this time keeping his eyes open and looking from the music to his fingers quickly. Once he finished, he played a few more songs by Yiruma and Beethoven by Chris’s request then was finally released getting tomorrow’s lesson off. Dan stood up grabbing Phil’s hand running out of the study shooting a quick ‘thank you’ over his shoulder to Chris.

“What do you want to do now?” Dan asked once they were standing in the hallway.

Phil shrugged. He just kind of wanted to work on his drawing of Dan while he still had the sight fresh in his mind.

“I guess we could go up to my room or something.” Dan suggested grabbing Phil’s hand and swinging it in his.

Phil nodded, allowing Dan to swing their hands. He started walking, following Dan but he had no idea where to go in the very large estate. Dan walked up the second staircase that took longer to get to his room, but was closer to the study. He figured that it’d allow him more time to think up what to do, though it didn’t really help all that much. Dan pushed his bedroom door open and closed it once Phil was inside, plopping down on his bed and staring at the ceiling.

“Maybe we can…ummm…” Dan thought tapping his fingers on the mattress. Phil shuffled in, trying to decide the best place to draw. He sat down on the end of the bed, opening his sketchbook and flipping to the latest drawing. As Dan heard Phil’s pages ruffling, he rolled over on his stomach and scooted over to Phil laying his head on the edge on his leg where the scrapbook wasn’t and reached his hand up to push Phil’s hair back and out of his eyes so he could draw better. He watched Phil draw - watched his eyebrows crease in concentration when he got to harder parts of the drawing and his eyes darting around while he decided what he’d draw next. Dan got up plugging his iPod in his iHome and turning it on shuffle, then returned to Phil’s lap to watch him draw more.

Phil smiled as he felt Dan’s head on his lap as the music started flowing through the speakers. He stopped drawing for a second and took the eraser end of the pencil, lightly tracing it on Dan’s jawline. 

“That tickles.” Dan giggled scrunching up his nose poking Phil’s cheek. “Are you drawing me again?” Phil nodded, his eyes watching Dan’s face as the eraser slid to the top of Dan’s neck, lightly grazing it.

The second the eraser touched Dan’s neck, he made an odd noise - a mix between ‘ah’ and a laugh - and rolled off the bed and onto the floor. He looked up to Phil’s shocked expression and burst out laughing at the horrified look realizing how ridiculous he must have sounded and looked to Phil. He climbed back on the bed giving Phil’s cheek a kiss before lying back down and smiling up at him.

“I’m weird about my neck.” he explained rubbing it where the eraser touched. “You can trace the rest of my face though.” he smiled hoping he didn’t creep Phil out too much.

Phil was still a bit confused. He hesitated before putting the pencil down and lightly grazing the end of his fingertips on Dan’s cheek, under his ear. Dan tensed and flexed his muscles at how close Phil was to his neck, but held it together. He hummed along to the song before realizing what it was.

“I like to think this is our song.” Dan smiled as the refrain to ‘Resistance’ played. “I always think of you when I hear it.” he admitted blushing a little hoping that wasn’t too forward.

Phil just smiled down at Dan and continued grazing his fingers across Dan’s cheeks and jawline, almost as if he was drawing him. Dan quietly hummed along to the song reaching his hand up to trace Phil’s face, reaching for the back of his neck to pull him down into a kiss.

Phil tried not to panic. This was okay, he could do this. He didn’t even know how, he just kept his lips together and gently pressed them against Dan’s. Dan smiled into the kiss running his tongue across Phil’s bottom lip and cupping his cheeks with his hands.

“Are you okay?” Dan whispered noticing how tense Phil was when he kissed him.

Phil bit his lip, looking down. ‘I don’t know what I’m doing.’ he signed, hoping Dan understood.

“You just need some practice then.” Dan replied, his smile growing by the second. “I’m a pretty good teacher. I can help.” He smiled sitting up and throwing a leg over Phil pushing him down on his bed just like when they were all the park. “It’s aaaaall in the lips.” Dan started lowering himself to steal short kisses. “And you’ll get better with time.” he continued kissing the corners of Phil’s mouth before reattaching their lips.

Trying to hide how nervous he was, Phil listened carefully to what Dan was saying. As he felt Dan’s lips on his own again, he still didn’t even know what to do. Dan sat up pulling Phil with him, putting all joking aside deciding to actually help Phil.

“Just relax. You can’t really kiss a person wrong, you know? Just part your lips and relax. Just try to match my actions once you feel comfortable.” Dan started sitting comfortably in Phil’s lap. “I’ll start and you just join in whenever.”

He hoped he was teaching kissing right. If there was one thing Dan was excellent at - more so than school - it was kissing. Though, he never kissed a lot of people, he just found it easy to do when he really liked someone and he really, really liked Phil. He slowly leaned back in kissing Phil’s bottom lip, grabbing it between his teeth and pulling it out just far enough, then allowed it to ping back into place. He whimpered softly into it, running his fingers through Phil’s hair and grabbing black chunks in his hand to tug lightly, then release. He left Phil’s lips for a minute to kiss along his jaw, then down to his neck biting and sucking softly deciding to leave a little bruise so everyone knows Phil is taken. Once he was sure he left a mark, Dan made his way back up to Phil’s lips kissing him deeply. He never felt like this towards anyone before - so much affection, adoration and, dare he say it, love for Phil - it was almost too hard to contain. He wanted to shout it from the rooftops and make sure everyone knows, yet at the same time, wanted to keep it a secret so he could have Phil all to himself. He was greedy like that, but he couldn’t care.

Phil tried to do as he was told, moving his lips sloppily against Dan’s. Even for a first kiss, Phil knew he was doing awful. Even his hands felt lost, not knowing what to do. They traveled to Dan’s shirt that hung off his front as he was leaning over and he wrapped his fingers in the fabric. Dan smiled at Phil’s attempt to kiss and pulled back.

“You’re still trying too hard. Don’t think about it. Just kiss me how you usually kiss people.” Dan tried kissing the corner of Phil’s lips taking a peek at the love bite he made on Phil’s neck.  
Phil let go of Dan’s shirt, biting his lip as he signed ‘I don’t do that.’

“Wait, did I read that wrong? You don’t do that? As in you don’t kiss people?” Dan asked tilting his head.

As if it wasn’t obvious, Phil shook his head. It mustn’t be hard to guess Phil had never kissed anyone before yesterday.

“Are you serious? Your first kiss was with me? Just yesterday?” Dan asked feeling his stomach drop. “Oh my god, I ruined your first kiss.” Phil quickly grabbed Dan’s sides, not wanting him to worry. He shook his head and frowned, he didn’t regret yesterday and he didn’t want Dan to. ‘You did not.’ he signed, putting his hands back on Dan’s sides.

“I did though! I was supposed to be all cute and romantic about it.” Dan replied shaking his head. “Why didn’t you tell me it was your first kiss so I could have done something different?”

Phil chewed the inside of his cheek. ‘I didn’t exactly know you were going to kiss me.’

“I’m such a dick. I’m really sorry, Phil. I didn’t mean- I mean, I stole your first kiss away from you. I’m going to make this right. Stay here.” Dan decided getting off his bed and running downstairs to put his plan into action.

Phil frowned and stayed on the bed. He felt awful that Dan thought this way.

Once Dan was sure everything would be set up, he ran back upstairs and took Phil’s hand.

“Phil, will you go on a date with me? A proper first date?” Dan smiled while his heart pounded - partly from the exercise, but mostly because of Phil.

Phil’s eyes widened in shock. Dan actually wanted to have a date with Phil? Not as friends - but more? He swallowed as his breathing got heavier. He tried to calm himself down, not sure if he was ready for this. But this was Dan, and he was sure he would enjoy whatever Dan threw at him. He nodded once, trying not to begin shaking and he got properly nervous because Dan for the first time in a while.

Dan smiled kissing the top of Phil’s hand and leading him downstairs. One of his maids opened the back door for the both of them and smiled at Dan. He smiled back and nodded leading Phil into the backyard behind the fountain where a picnic blanket was set up. Dan pulled Phil towards it allowing him to sit down first, then sat close to him and watched as Chef came out with an old-style picnic basket.

“Thank you.” Dan smiled taking the basket in his hands and began emptying it while the maids and Chef went back inside, closing the door to give them privacy. The fountain lights were on making the water seem like it was a rainbow of colors while the ground lights actually provided dim light. Dan handed Phil a glass and took one for himself, then removed a single candle. He set that down in front of them and dug around for the matches, striking one hard against the side of the box to set the match ablaze. Once the candle was lit, Dan dipped the match in the fountain, then dropped it in the basket and pulled out their meal quite happy with the scenery he chose.

Phil was transfixed on the beauty of the garden. The series of colors captured by the water making it flow with utter grace. It was unbelievably beautiful. He turned back to Dan, surprised at the amount of food that was in front of him. He’d never really seen so much - to be honest.

Dan poured Phil some lemonade in their glasses, then dipped a tortilla chip in the freshly made guacamole popping it in his mouth. He pushed the dip over to Phil, then took out their rotisserie chicken wraps and put one in Phil’s lap.

“We have dessert too that we’ll have later. But if you want any more of this stuff, just say so.” Dan smiled taking a few bites from his wrap.

Phil smiled and nodded. He was still nervous, but something about - well everything at that moment made him happy.

Dan nervously swallowed his food and watched Phil. The smile on Phil’s face told Dan he was doing something right which made made his heart flutter. Part of Dan still felt guilty for ruining Phil’s first kiss, but the other part of him was too happy, admiring the way Phil’s eyes lit up as he watched the fountain change colors. The way his eyes sparkled when he smiled or discovered something for the first time made Dan’s heart skip a beat.

“You look…I mean, you are beautiful, Phil.” Dan murmured.

Phil usually took things like that lightly - but this was a date. Like a real date. The words were different. Phil looked down at his lap, a small smile on his face.

Dan tipped Phil’s chin up, his heart beating loudly in his ears, a lump in his throat. ‘I really love your smile too.’ Dan signed grateful he and Phil casually used Sign Language knowing he wouldn’t have been able to say it otherwise. The words made Phil’s face light up even more. ‘Thank you.’ he signed, placing his hand on Dan’s knee. Dan’s smile grew when Phil’s did. It was contagious to Dan and how nobody ever kissed this boy before was a mystery to him. If they’d only given him a chance, they could know what Dan does: how amazing and wonderful Phil really is.

“You’re welcome.” Dan replied thinking about his next action - deciding it was okay. ‘I really like spending time with you. I really like you.’ Dan signed.  
Phil just smiled at the kind words. He squeezed Dan’s knee, not really knowing what to say in response.

Dan smiled back and lay down feeling a little bit of mist from the fountain hit his face. He looked up at the sky wishing that he could think of something romantic to say. Instead, he blurted “What’s your favorite constellation?”

Of course, Phil wasn’t expecting the question - even now, he never really knows what to expect from Dan’s mouth. His head tilted toward the sky, as if it would give Dan an answer. He really had no idea. He shrugged, though he wasn’t even sure Dan saw the answer. Dan wracked his brain for any conversation topic that was deemed somewhat normal. At least more normal than constellations.

“Sorry. I’m just really nervous.” Dan admitted. “I - um - I want to make this perfect but my heart is beating too loudly for me to concentrate.”

Phil wasn’t sure if he found comfort at Dan’s words or it made him more nervous. He was just going along with what Dan said or did. He felt like everything had a different light; everything had more weight at that moment. He wasn’t sure what Dan wanted him to do - should they sit there and talk or - what do you even do on a date? Once again Phil was lost and confused like he always is dealing with anything other than drawing.

“It’s weird cause I’m not nervous around anyone, you know? Like, I grew up attending fancy business parties with my mum and dad and not even the towering 6 foot bossed intimidated me. I don’t really know what it is because I’ve never really been nervous before. I wasn’t really allowed to. But now, it’s just - so different.” Dan continued. “I like being nervous around you. It means I have to work for you. I need to prove myself and I don’t just get you, you know? It’s a good nervous.”

Dan’s words confused Phil as always, but he just listened to him talk. He felt so lost with his hands, he didn’t have his sketchbook with him to keep him busy so he ended up picking at one of the wraps with his fingers.

“I do a lot of things I’m not supposed to when I’m around you though. I don’t even know why, I just do. You sorta make me forget who I am.” Dan rambled on reaching for Phil’s hand. “And it’s nice. Cause I feel normal with you. I don’t feel like ‘Daniel Howell, the posh kid from the south’ but just, Dan. I don’t even know if that makes sense. I guess I just feel like I can be who I want to be around you and it’s okay. I don’t need to put on an act or anything and it just feels good.”

Phil smiled a bit at Dan’s words as he picked at the food. He felt slightly bad he didn’t eat any, so he took a small bite from the side he was picking at. It was extremely good - probably the best thing he’d had in quite a while. He set it down and put his attention back on Dan. When he felt Phil adjusting on the blanket, Dan snapped out of his haze and turned towards Phil smiling.

“Come here.” Dan requested blowing out the candle and holding his arms out for Phil to cuddle into.

Phil bit his lip and looked over to Dan. He swallowed, afraid he was going to do something wrong. He scooted over towards Dan, hesitating before slowly laying down next to him. Dan pulled Phil in closer to him draping his leg over both of Phil’s. He held Phil’s hand in one of his and adjusted his body so that Phil could use Dan’s chest as a pillow. He hoped his heart wasn’t pounding too loudly.

Phil tried not to shake as he buried his head in Dan’s chest. He gripped onto Dan’s t-shirt tightly, he wasn’t even sure what he was afraid of at that moment, because why would he be searching for comfort from Dan if he was afraid of him? Dan absentmindedly rubbed Phil’s back humming softly. Every fiber in his being wanted to roll over on top of Phil and make out in the cover of the night, but he needed to take things slow. He was Phil’s first kiss, first date, first everything. Dan looked down smiling to himself as Phil grabbed onto Dan’s t-shirt.  
Phil’s eyes flutter shut as he rests his forehead against Dan’s chest. His heart was beating rapidly in his chest and he wished he could calm. This was supposed to be a calm, nice moment but his own nerves were ruining it. He looked down and watched his hands twist Dan’s t-shirt in his fingers.

Dan’s fingers trailed down the side of Phil’s cheek all the way under his chin so he could tip Phil’s head up to see him properly.

“Are you nervous? Or scared?” Dan asked wanting to make sure Phil was ready before he kissed him. He wasn’t going to mess this up again.

Phil just slowly nodded. He hoped Dan wouldn’t be mad he was ruining the date. He nuzzled his face back into Dan’s chest, not wanting to see his face or hear his reaction. Dan hugged onto Phil tightly, glad he didn’t force a kiss upon him.

“It’s okay. I’m nervous too.” Dan whispered resting his hand on Phil’s chest over his heart. “Your’s is about as fast as mine right now.” He giggled taking Phil’s hand and placing it on his own chest.

Phil smiled, finding a bit of comfort in Dan’s words seeing as Dan was a little scared too. He moved up, instead putting his head in the front of Dan’s neck. He breathed in his scent with every breath, and he fluttered his eyes shut. Dan tensed, feeling Phil’s breath on his neck, but didn’t have the heart to move him. He chewed on the inside of his cheek to get used to the sensation deciding that maybe it wasn’t so bad because it was Phil. He relaxed his muscles a bit and continued rubbing Phil’s back to comfort him. Phil fluttered his eyes shut, not quite sure what to do. He felt Dan tense as he moved and remembered how he reacted about his neck. He slowly moved away a bit and laid his head on the blanket.

“Daniel! It’s a school night, remember.” Christopher called from the back porch. “Get your friend home and march up to bed.”

Dan rolled his eyes groaning. “I’m not a kid anymore! I don’t have a bedtime.”

“Funny, your parents seem to disagree.” he shot back.

Dan squeezed Phil’s hand and gave him an apologetic look. “I guess I have to take you home now.” he sighed wishing they had more time for Phil’s proper first kiss - the whole reason they did this picnic in the yard in the first place.

Phil held onto Dan’s shirt tightly, not wanting to let it go. He sat up, moving to play with the end of Dan’s shirt instead of holding onto the middle. Dan led Phil out of the backyard and back into his house so that Phil could grab his drawing book from upstairs, then opened the front door to walk him home while a team of maids walked outside to clean up what was supposed to be the perfect first date.

Phil mind was buzzing as they walked home. He hoped he did okay for their first date. Everything seemed so different now - more intimate. He didn’t hate it - but it intimidated him. What scared him even more was that Dan was afraid too. Dan slid his hand into Phil’s once they were far enough from his house - his palms sweating a little.

“So, uh, how was that for a first date?” Dan asked, his voice cracking.

Phil smiled a little once Dan held his hand. The feeling was still alien to him but it was more familiar than anything else they’d really done that night - though he didn’t hate any of it. He watched the ground, pondering over what the end result of what he thought of the date. He didn’t know how to answer, so he just squeezed Dan’s hand, not wanting to let go to give an answer. Dan’s heart sank. Was their date really that shit? Maybe because it was a school night.

“We can try again on the weekend so that we don’t have to leave early.” Dan started. “This date was a bit bad because it wasn’t really prepared and I didn’t really think anything through. I should have spent more time on it before asking you on your first date. I’ll think up a really good one we can do this weekend to make up for it if you want. I mean, if you’re still willing to go out with me. I don’t know what we’d do just yet but it’ll be better. If you just gave me time to plan, I could make it the best date ever. I - maybe if you want, we can forget this one happened. I know I keep asking for second chances and stuff so I hope that’s not off putting that I keep messing up so much. I just want to make you happy but I don’t really know how to do that so I just do random stuff to see if you like it but it always falls through.” Dan couldn’t stop babbling once he started, though he wanted more than anything to just shut up: yet at the same time, he really needed Phil to know how sorry he was.  
Dan continued talking until they got to Phil’s front porch. Phil turned to Dan, biting his lip. He needed to show Dan he really enjoyed himself - it was his fault he kind of ruined it with his nerves. He slowly leaned his forehead against Dan’s, letting go of his hand to sign ‘Thank you so much.’ He leaned in and pecked Dan’s lips, not sure if he wanted him to do anything more. Dan stood with wide eyes looking at Phil unable to believe he was able to silence Dan so quickly.

“You-you’re welcome.” he whispered, a slow smile spreading across his face.

Phil smiled back, feeling his cheeks fill with color. He fiddled with the end of his notebook, but he didn’t move.

“I - um, I’ll see in at school tomorrow. Um, yeah.” Dan nodded not wanting to let go of Phil’s hand but knowing he’d have to soon so that Phil can go in. “You have my cell phone number, right?”

Phil nodded, dropping Dan’s hand. He leaned in again and pecked his cheek, just so he knew it was okay. Dan blushed right where Phil’s lips were and watched him go inside.

“Bye.” he waved, still smiling as he turned around to walk home.


	15. Chapter 15

Dan’s mind was still buzzing when he walked into school the next morning. He met Phil at his desk before everyone else got there as usual.

“Hello.” Dan smiled sitting next to Phil.

Phil gave Dan a small smile, only picking his head up for a second and then turning back to his drawing. He was drawing the front of the classroom before everyone got here. He usually drew rooms when they were full of people so it was a bit different. Dan sat silently next to Phil watching him draw. The classroom was eerily quiet without their teacher or any students, but Dan was fine with this sort of silence - the only noise being Phil’s pencil dancing against the page. Phil was quite happy with his drawing even in it’s current state. He’d been drawing people too much recently and he was glad to have something else- even if it was something he’d drawn countless times.

“So last night…” Dan started unable to wipe that stupid smile off his face. “It was really…I mean, it was fun. I’m glad I was able to spend it with you. Even though it was cut kind of short.”

Phil nodded slightly, to let him know he was listening and to tell him he agreed. Phil drew in more detail, looking up from his drawing to scan the front of the room. Dan watched Phil concentrate and looked from the drawing to the room. How Phil could find beauty and importance in some small school classroom, Dan would never figure out. But how he portrayed it in his drawing was something else entirely. It actually made Dan want to come to school. The first bell rang while the halls filled with students giving Dan his cue to get up and go.

“I’ll see you later.” Dan smiled kissing Phil’s cheek before walking over to his desk and opening his notebook.

Phil’s eyes shot open at the kiss. He felt his heart rate quicken- he knew he’d never really get used to this affection. He felt his face fill with color as he buried his head down and tried to focus on his drawing again, and not the feeling of Dan’s lips on his cheek. People started trickling into their classroom silently taking their seats groaning about the ‘Tuesday slump’ and took their things out to prepare for class.

“We’ll be going up to the library today so you lot can work on your final projects. This is the only in-class day you’ll get, so use it wisely.” Mr. Hayes told everyone while more people piled in as the final bell rang.

Dan looked over to Phil wondering if it’d be okay if he sat with him. It’s not like he was going to do his final project here anyways. He’s type it up the night before or just use one of the many he’s written for Christopher before and he’d be golden.

“I’m going to need your help with this paper man.” Liam whispered tapping Dan’s desk. “Sit with us, yeah?”

Dan took a quick look over to Phil and sighed. He didn’t want to make Phil uncomfortable anyways and he’d probably draw.

“Okay.” Dan agreed, silently promising himself that if someone started giving Phil trouble, he wouldn’t hesitate to confront them.

As they made their way up to the library, Dan walked with his group of friends but kept giving Phil small smiles whenever he caught his eye. Once inside, Dan was literally dragged by Chloe and Liam to the computers while Allison, Tyler, Zachery, and Alyssa followed behind. Phil walked towards the books more leaving Dan - though it was probably for the best. Dan didn’t want Phil having a panic attack in front of everyone, so he let him go, missing him- as silly as it was.

“So, I didn’t even read the book.” Liam admitted signing on his computer. “What happened in it?”

***

After Dan basically wrote Liam’s paper for him, he was relieved when the bell rang freeing them. Phil was out of there before Dan even had a chance to say goodbye, so he went through his day a bit numbly until he was with Phil again in Trigonometry. Dan put his books down on his desk, causing Phil to jump in his seat slightly. Dan hardly noticed, happy to finally sit with Phil again.

‘How was your day so far?’ Dan signed smiling softly.

Once Phil recovered from being shaken up, he signed back ‘As always.’ not really knowing how to answer to such a boring question- normally he wouldn’t have even answered.

“Right.” Dan nodded glancing at the board for the warmups.

Phil has never been one for small talk, so why Dan keeps trying, he’s not even sure. He just loves talking and being with Phil, he would say anything.

Quite unexpectedly, Phil turns slowly to Dan, he hesitates for a moment, before slowly signing ‘Would you like to come to mine later?’

“Wait, really?” Dan asked, his entire face lighting up. “Yeah! Yes, I’d love to.” he nodded quickly.

He walked Phil home a few times, but never went inside, though he wondered what Phil’s bedroom was like. He wondered if it was messy or clean or if he hung up his drawings or if there were posters everywhere. He wondered what his parents were like and if they were there for him or if they were busy at work like Dan’s parents. Biting his lip and bouncing his leg, Dan scribbled down the warmups in his journal allowing his mind to wander while the clock slowly ticked by.

Phil continued his drawing, putting some finishing touches on it. He wondered what he would draw at home- though he never knew. He just drew whatever was around him.

After class, Dan grabbed his things meeting Phil at his locker.

“Ready to go? I am. I can’t wait!” Dan babbled leading Phil out of the school, his head buzzing with questions for Phil. “What are we going to do? I don’t think it really matters. I can’t wait to see your room though. I’m really excited, if you can’t tell.”

Phil kept his head down, not really listening to Dan’s rambling.

“Is it like mine and all boring? Or do you have stuff on your wall? I mean, if you like your walls blank, that’s fine, I don’t mean to call you boring. I just mean that if I had the choice, my walls would be covered.” Dan continued rambling on the whole way to Phil’s house.

Phil didn’t really pay attention- he’d never really had anyone over to his house before. He didn’t understand why Dan was so excited- he was surely setting himself up to be disappointed. He opened the door, leaving it for Dan to follow him.

Dan walked in looking around him trying to commit everything to memory: the faded paint in the kitchen with dishes in the sink still needing to be washed, the light fixture - not a fancy chandelier - but a lovely hanging lamp above the table. He followed Phil into the living room noticing there was a picture of Phil when he was really young - about three or four years old - and one of an older couple Dan assumed to be his grandparents. They walked up the stairs to Phil’s room, their feet muffled by the soft carpet. The hallway was smaller than Dan’s but not uncomfortable, though there was no light to it. All the windows had their curtains drawn and the lightbulbs seemed to have burned out years ago. There was a room at the end of the hall with the door closed shut, a bathroom, then Phil’s bedroom. As he walked in, he stopped at the doorway to study Phil’s room. He waited for his eyes to adjust to the dark and looked around at the walls. He couldn’t even tell the color of Phil’s room, though what covered the walls were much better. It seemed like every drawing Phil had ever made covered the walls - pictures of trees, and his elementary school, and old classmates that are long gone by now. Dan saw a few drawings Phil had done of the park from many different angles and pictures of Phil’s older teachers.

“Woah…” Dan whispered slowly walking in.

Phil didn’t look up, not seeing a reason to as he plopped down on the bed, sitting against the headboard and pulling out his sketchbook.

“You drew all of these?” Dan asked stupidly.

Of course Phil drew all of them. Dan walked around the room taking time to study some more closely than others. None of the drawings from Phil’s book were hanging up now, so Dan assumed that when Phil finished a book, they went on his walls. Dan’s fingertips grazed across Phil’s furniture while he studied his room. It was a lot smaller than Dan’s for sure - just enough space to live in, and though it should feel cozy and warm like Liam’s house, it felt strange and depressing. Like everything was out of place and not even Phil belonged here. Maybe Phil can get his parents to remodel the place. Maybe some new carpet or a fresh coat of paint could do the place some good.

“Phil, where are your parents? Are they at work?” Dan asked suddenly realizing he knew next to nothing about Phil.

Phil looked up at Dan, expecting a billion questions about the art- but not his parents. ‘My mum’s probably working.’ he answered. He knew not to question when Dan wanted to know strange information and just answered the best he could.

“Does she work a lot?” Dan asked wondering if their families weren’t so different after all. “What about your dad? Is he at work too?” Dan wondered out loud not quite looking at Phil, still mesmerized by all the art.

Phil stopped drawing at the words, pencil hovering over paper. He should have expected the question. He chewed the inside of his cheek roughly, knowing the best thing to do was to answer. ‘My father’s not around anymore.’ He decided was a horrible answer to the question, but it was too late to take back. Dan’s heart dropped.

“Not around? Like he got a divorce?” Dan asked resting a hand on Phil’s knee. “You guys don’t need him anyways.” he gave a soft smile giving Phil’s knee a squeeze.

Phil shook his head at Dan’s words, almost wanting to argue- but that wouldn’t be Phil. That wouldn’t be the Phil that his mind created all those years ago. He closed his eyes and suddenly gripped at his notebook. They _did_ need him. ‘He’s gone.’ he signed roughly, holding back onto the notebook.

“Gone…like, dead?” Dan whispered, unable to believe he read Phil’s sign correctly.

Phil didn’t open his eyes but nodded. Why did Dan have to bring this up? Phil’s toes curled into the sheets.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know.” Dan sighed hating himself for wanting to ask Phil a million more questions; he would take it slow, he decided. “How did he die? Heart attack?”

Phil’s face crunches up at Dan’s question. A heart attack? That’s the first thing Dan thinks? Why would he suggest a heart attack? Phil gripped onto the sketchbook roughly, digging his nails into the cover. He lifted them up to answer ‘He hanged himself in the garage when I was 4 years old.’ he replied- not even thinking about his words. Dan’s stomach felt like it flipped upside down. He felt sick. He felt angry and hurt and sad and surprised and so many emotions he didn’t think he’d ever feel all at once.

“How the hell could he do that?” Dan asked raising his voice - not quite a shout, but louder than his regular speaking tone. “How the hell could he leave you and your mum like that? Didn’t he care about you at all? Did he even _love_ you? How could he?” Dan began pacing - his cheeks flushing while he struggled to understand how someone could leave their four year old son and wife when they were just beginning their life. “How could he do that to you?”

Phil felt a pang of anger at every word Dan said. He stood up, fists clenched at his sides so he couldn’t communicate what he was thinking to Dan even if he knew what to say. He walked to the opposite side of the room, his steps heavier than normal. He turned back, furiously signing ‘Don’t you dare say that about my father.’ Dan’s mouth dropped unexpecting that from Phil.

“Aren’t you mad at him? He _left_ you! Is that why you don’t talk? Is that your psychological barrier? Jesus Christ, Phil! He took your life away from you _and_ your voice? Aren’t you even a _little_ mad at him?” Dan blurted before he could stop himself.

Phil was so angry he could have thrown something at him. He walked over to Dan. ‘My father did not leave me or my mother. My father left this god -damned- awful life and I don’t blame him one bit’ Phil signed rapidly, tears spilling out of his eyes and he furiously wiped them away with the back of his hands. These were things he kept deep in the back of his mind- things he locked away so he wouldn’t get hurt.

“I - you…” Dan stuttered walking over to Phil for a hug. “You don’t want to - end up like him, do you?” He asked pulling Phil into him, trying not to cry.

Phil hit Dan’s chest a few times with the sides of his fists, trying to get away but he was too weak to succeed. He didn’t answer Dan’s question, trying to convince himself he didn’t deserve to know that answer. Dan ignored Phil’s hits knowing there might be a bruise, but it wasn’t hard enough to stop him from comforting Phil.

“I am so sorry Phil.” Dan started blinking away tears. “I don’t know who your father was so I shouldn’t have said anything, and I’m sorry. But you need to listen to me for a second, okay?” He asked holding Phil out at arms length so that he can look him in the eyes. “You’re too important. Your mum needs you. _I_ need you. And I know you needed your dad, but you were too young to even know what to do. You couldn’t stop it cause you didn’t know, but now you do. I know people are hard on you sometimes and expect stuff from you that you can’t give and I know how that is, but you can’t kill yourself. No matter how bad things get cause there’s always going to be tomorrow. And maybe it’ll be worse than yesterday, but it could also be better. You’ll never know if you don’t stick around to see it. Phil, I can’t imagine spending another day without you. If you just didn’t come to school one day because-” Dan stopped, feeling a lump in his throat, knowing he needed to continue. ‘You are too important to me now. You can’t leave me.’ he signed pulling Phil into him so he couldn’t see his tears.

Tears ran silently down Phil’s cheeks and he stood, listening to Dan. He didn’t have time to think about anything before Dan pulled him in, and this time he didn’t protest. His head went to Dan’s chest as his sobs got harder, choking, coughing, hiccuping. He gripped onto Dan’s shirt tightly, as if trying to release all the anger through it. Dan stood there holding Phil tightly, letting only a few of his tears fall.

“Shh, Phil, it’s okay.” Dan whispered into Phil’s hair rubbing his hand up and down his back. “I’m here, I’m not going anywhere. I’m here.” He repeated again and again, adding a silent ‘and I promise I always will be.’

Phil cried roughly and for a while into Dan’s chest. He held everything up for nearly 8 years. He cried out all of his strength, until his knees grew weak and could have collapsed into Dan’s arms.

***

Dan held onto Phil until he pulled away. Dan decided he wouldn’t ask anymore questions and just watched Phil draw until the sun went down and Dan figured he should be leaving.

“Before I go, promise me you’ll show up to school tomorrow.” Dan demanded holding out his pinky for Phil to shake. Phil swallowed at the words, chewing on his cheek. The sentence had so much weight on it and Phil had to think about it for a while before slowly picking up his hand and wrapping his pinky finger around Dan’s.

“Thank you.” Dan smiled pulling Phil into a bone crushing hug. “No matter what anyone else says about you, you’re incredible and mean so damn much to me. Don’t ever forget that.” he whispered, kissing Phil’s cheek before walking away towards home.

Phil watched Dan down the street, sitting down on the porch. For the first time since they were spoken aloud, Phil thought about everything Dan said to him. His eyes stared at nothing into the dark street, but there was so much going on in his head it didn’t matter.

Phil practiced speaking that night until his throat was red raw and he was too tired to sit up.


	16. Chapter 16

Dan tossed and turned all night, though once he was able to get to sleep, he only had nightmares. He saw himself going over to Phil’s house seeing him hanging from his bedroom ceiling fan, rocking gently with a small smile on his face. He’d wake up and quickly shake the thought away. Phil promised he’d come to school tomorrow. And every day is going to be an uphill battle, but Phil wouldn’t be fighting it alone. Dan padded downstairs to grab a mug of hot chocolate and clear his head. He would be there for Phil. He could help him and make sure Phil never feels the need to take his life. Dan promised himself that he’d make sure Phil never felt the way Phil’s father did before that day and made his way back upstairs.

***

“Hey, just to let you know so there won’t be a search party for me again, I’ll be up in the library during lunch.” Dan smiled at Allison as they walked towards the cafeteria for lunch.

“What for?” She asked casually twisting her hair around her finger.

“Um, studying.” Dan nodded.

“Dan,” she sighed, “we both know that’s not it. You’re too smart for that. I mean, I’ll tell everyone else that if you want, but you can be honest with me. I’m honest with you.”

“You’re right. Just…don’t judge me okay?”

“Of course not! What’s up?”

“Remember my first day here and I asked who Phil was and you guys were all going on about how weird he was?” Dan started figuring that was a good place.

“Yes…?” she said giving Dan a confused look.

“Well, I sort of wanted to give him a chance and see and I don’t know, we just got really close and now…I’m…I mean, we’re kind of…dating?” Dan finished, hating the way his voice rose at the end of his sentence like it was a question.

“You’re dating Freaky Phil? Phil Lester?”

“Shh! Not so bloody loud!” Dan whined clamping a hand over her mouth. “But yeah. I mean, I like him a lot and I don’t really care who knows, but he’s…it would be best if people didn’t know. He wouldn’t like that kind of attention cause it’d make him uncomfortable and I don’t want him to be and-”

“Dan! Okay, okay. It’s cute that you care about him so much. He could use a friend and I’m sure he’s glad it’s you. I’ll just tell everyone you’re studying then. Say hi to him for me.” She smiled pushing Dan’s hand away from her mouth.

“Yeah, hi. Okay. I will.” Dan nodded hugging his books to his chest to cover up his pounding heart. “Thanks for not like, freaking out or anything. I know that I shouldn’t like guys, but-”

“It’s alright Dan. Seriously. I promise I won’t tell anyone else, okay?”

“Yeah, okay. Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. I’ll see you later.” she replied giving Dan a tight hug. “And there’s nothing wrong with liking guys. If that makes you happy, then I’m happy.” she whispered.

“I am. I really, truly am.” Dan replied letting out the breath he didn’t know he was holding. “See you later.”

She waved him off while Dan made his way to the library to surprise Phil. He saw him sitting in his usual corner with his beanbag chair positioned so that he was looking out the window. Dan put a hand over his mouth so he wouldn’t laugh before he saw Phil. Once he was close enough, Dan’s hands flew over Phil’s eyes, blinding him for a second.

“Guess who?” he whispered in Phil’s ear.

Phil shivered at Dan’s whisper, and couldn’t help but smile slightly. ‘Who else would stand behind me, cover my eyes and have me guess who was there?’ Phil signed, hoping there were no errors due to the fact he couldn’t see his hands.

“I dunno.” Dan replied dropping his voice a few octaves in a pathetic attempt to disguise it. “It could be anyone. Like Batman for example.” he continued not willing to give up his game until Phil guessed properly. “You’ll get three chances before you face ultimate defeat.”

Phil raised his eyebrows. ‘And what is my defeat, mysterious-one?’ Phil signed.

“I can’t tell you, that’s part of the defeat, but it’s going to be baaad.”

Dan pulled Phil’s head back in an upside down kiss.

“That’s your only hint. Use it wisely.” he continued in his stupidly deep, raspy voice.

Phil giggled silently, and made his face look deep in thought. ‘Is it.. Mrs. Schneider?’ Phil signed, biting his tongue in a silent laugh.

“Ugh! No!” Dan laughed dropping his deep voice just to show his repulsion, but picking it back up right away. “Two more guesses.”

Phil bit his lip, thinking of someone else. ‘Is it.. The girl from 5th period?’

“Down to your last guess.” Dan replied shaking Phil’s head in his hand. “Guess wisely.”

Phil looked deep in thought again, his face suddenly lighting up. ‘I know who! It’s Dan’s Mum!’ he signed, trying not to laugh.

“Hey!” Dan laughed quickly letting go of Phil to hop on top of him. “You think that’s funny?” he asked attacking Phil’s sides and stomach with his fingers. Phil’s body spasmed under Dan and his eyes closed shut as he writhed around trying to break free. He continuously laughed silently and he was glad he couldn’t make noise- since they were in a library. Phil’s hands went to try to hold Dan’s to stop him from tickling him but Dan was too fast.

“You just think you’re so funny.” Dan laughed continuing to torture Phil by tickling him. “I gave you three guesses, here’s ultimate defeat.” he smiled grabbing Phil’s wrists in his hands leaning down to steal a quick kiss.

Phil smiled, but he wasn’t expecting the kiss. Before he could even respond Dan pulled away. Phil tried to lean back up and kiss him again but he was still being held down and he pouted slightly.

“Aww.” Dan smiled bending down just far enough to give Phil another kiss before getting off of him. “Anyways, surprise!”

Phil smiled, satisfied as he sat up, grabbing his notebook that fell out of his hands and onto the floor.

“So, I was thinking if you’re not busy, maybe you and I can…practice signing or something. I’m getting a bit rusty and Chris only teaches me proper stuff.” Dan asked shrugging. “If you just want to draw, I don’t mind watching though.” he added quickly. Phil was happy Dan wanted him to give him a lesson. Phil turned his beanbag chair around to face Dan, scooting over and offering Dan to sit next to him. ‘Rule one, you can only sign during the lesson. If you don’t know something- try to say it differently- work your way around it and we can work on it.’ Phil signed. Dan smiled and nodded quickly agreeing to Phil’s rule more than excited to start his lesson sitting up close to Phil so that their knees were touching on the small bean bag chair.

Phil then showed Dan a few ways he could make his sentences more fluent and natural, making Dan sign the whole time- being sure he didn’t speak.

“Wait.” Dan said aloud, slapping his hands over his mouth signing a quick ‘sorry’ to Phil for speaking.

Phil shook his head, trying to look disappointed. ‘You broke rule one. That means no kisses for you till the end of our last class.’ Phil smirked as he signed. ‘Now back to the lesson.’

‘That’s not fair!’ Dan signed merging his eyebrows together. ‘Please!’ Dan pouted his bottom lip like it was the worst thing to ever happen.

‘That was sloppy, Dan. Try again.’ Phil smirked even wider, not breaking on the punishment. Dan sighed loudly pushing his hair out of his face. ‘You are lucky you are so…’ Dan paused trying to remember the sign for ‘cute’ then deciding to spell it when he didn’t know.

Phil smiled and showed Dan the right way to sign the word. ‘Compliments aren’t going to revoke your punishment.’ Dan laughed lifting his hands to sign again. ‘Not even a little bit?’

Phil thought for a moment, biting his lip before leaning in and kissing the end of Dan’s nose. ‘A little. But that’s it.’ Dan scrunched his nose when Phil kissed him and thought for a moment. ‘If I do well until the end, can I have a real kiss?’ Phil smiled as he read Dan’s words. ‘If you’re good. And you’ll have to lead it.’ Phil smiled, still a rubbish kisser. ‘Deal.’ Dan signed back.

They both went back and forth the entire period, Dan trying his best to flirt while Phil continued to keep him on task and actually managed to teach him a few new things in the short time they had. Dan checked the clock noticing that they only had a few minutes left before lunch was over.

‘Was that good?’ Dan signed hoping he’d be able to collect on his reward.

Phil puckered his lips, looking up to the ceiling as if he were trying to figure out if he earned his reward. He looked back down at him and nodded.

“Thank. God.” Dan sighed pushing into Phil before he could take back his decision.

He cupped Phil’s face in his hands to hold him there and pushed him back gently until he was laying back on the beanbag. He placed his left hand down on the side of Phil’s head to hold him up and flicked his tongue across his bottom lip. Phil was afraid and lost, but didn’t hesitate to open his mouth slightly- welcoming the new feeling of Dan’s tongue in his mouth. Dan slowly slipped his tongue in Phil’s mouth exploring it for the first time. Part of him felt a bit weird for making out in a library, but this was their own little corner in their own private area. He pulled back slowly giving Phil a few more quick kisses and sat back up.

“Thanks for the lesson.” he smiled. Phil nodded slowly, in a bit of a daze- just as the bell rang. And now Dan has to go without kisses until last period.

Dan walked out of the library with Phil feeling more reluctance now more than ever to go to gym.

“So, I have to do my lessons for the rest of the week with Chris, and the other guys are forcing me into a party on Friday, but if you’re not doing anything Saturday, you want to come to mine?” Dan asked right before they were supposed to separate.

Phil nodded, holding onto his sketchbook before walking swiftly to his next class. Dan took a minute to watch Phil run down the hallway wishing he could go with him but knew he’d be late for gym if he waited much longer. He hopped down the stairs hoping this week could go by quickly so he’ll get to properly see Phil again.


	17. Chapter 17

A couple days later

Dan stood in his room in front of his mirror debating what to wear to the party tonight. He felt a tad overdressed last time in his cleanly pressed white button up whilst everyone else was getting sick on each other’s t-shirts. He’d already decided on a pair of black skinny jeans, but he couldn’t decide on a shirt. Should he just wear a t-shirt like everyone else? Should it be a concert shirt or just one of his stupid ‘hipster’ shirts? Maybe he could get away in a button up now that he had jeans on. Would that make him seem pretentious? He took out his phone and took a few pictures of himself in his mirror with different shirts on sending them to Allison.

_‘I don’t want to look like a twat tonight. Help! Which one is best?’_

Dan sat on his couch in his closet and tapped the phone on his leg waiting for Allison’s reply.

_‘You look hot in all of them. Just get your ass over here princess ;)’_

Dan laughed and rolled his eyes at his phone. He stood in front of his mirror tilting his head realizing he was being silly. He tugged on a black t-shirt and grabbed his house keys making his way out the door to walk to Liam’s.

When he was about a block away, Dan texted Allison asking her to meet him outside so he wouldn’t have to be that awkward guy who rings the doorbell and waits for a drunk stranger to answer it.

“About time.” Allison called to Dan once he was a few meters from the house.

“I know, right? It takes a long time to look this great.” Dan laughed while Allison joined in shoving him playfully.

They walked up the path to Liam’s front door and walked in. It seemed exactly the same as the last time Dan was here - people laughing, talking loudly to be heard over the music, and a small circle chanting “chug, chug, chug” while some stupid guy in the middle tried to down an entire bottle of some liver damaging beverage. Dan and Allison made their way into the kitchen to grab a drink before someone shoved something in their hands.

“So what do you guys usually do at these parties?” Dan asked realizing that the last time he was here, he ended up taking care of Allison - not that he regretted it.

“I don’t really know. Just talk and drink. Sometimes when it starts quieting down and people pass out, we’ll play a stupid party game like 7 minutes in heaven or something.” she replied shrugging, taking a drink from her cup. “I never play though. That game is kind of…”

“Skanky?” Dan offered.

“Yeah.” she nodded.

“Hey Dan! Gonna comment on Liam’s kitchen?” Tyler joked messing up Dan’s hair in the process.

“No!” Dan laughed trying to fix his hair without a mirror.

“Hey, thought I’d warn you, James and Pete are here.” Tyler whispered, all hints of joking gone.

“So?” Dan questioned.

“So, they kind of have dirt on you.”

“Wh-what? What do they know?” Dan pressed feeling his stomach lurch.

“I don’t know if it’s true or not,” Tyler started, “but remember when you skipped lunch earlier this week? Well, since last time you went to go nap, they thought that’s what you were doing again so they were going to draw on you or something and they said they saw you with Freaky Phil!”

“What? Are you serious?”

“Yeah! I know. I tried telling them you wouldn’t waste your time with that weird emo-”

“Don’t you _dare_ fucking call him that.”

“Woah. Okay. Sorry mate.” Tyler replied raising his hands in mock surrender.

“What are you going to do?” Allison asked resting her hand on Dan’s arm partly to stop him from punching Tyler.

“I don’t know. Should I leave?” Dan thought aloud looking from Allison to Tyler.

“No, you’re as welcome as they are.” Tyler said. “Just try not to run into them. They’re not going to fight you or anything so you’ll be fine. But really? You and Fre - erm - Phil?”

“Yeah.” Dan shrugged. “He’s different and I like him.”

Tyler and Allison just nodded falling into an awkward silence between the three of them. Dan’s mind buzzed with a thousand questions: Exactly what did they see? And how much? Why couldn’t they just leave him alone? Would they confront him tonight? Or wait until Monday morning? What would they even do if they’re not going to get physical? Call him names? They do that already anyways.

“Dan, um, come with me to-” Allison started.

“Hey! Dan! How’s it goin’ mate?” Pete asked slinging an arm around Dan’s shoulder interrupting Allison.

“I’m well.” Dan replied holding his head high. “And yourself?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m good.” Pete replied while James swung his arm around Dan’s other shoulder leading him into the lounge while Allison and Tyler nervously followed. “So you and Freaky Phil, huh?”

“What about me and _Phil_?” Dan corrected, trying not to let them get to him.

“I dunno mate. I mean, I knew you had something up your ass, but I never knew it was another dude.” James taunted while Pete burst out laughing.

Dan ignored their comment, balling his hands into fists and tried clearing his head. If he gave them no reaction, they’d get bored and leave it alone.

“No reason to get all flustered now.” Pete gushed pinching Dan’s flushed cheek like a grandmother would to a baby. “Just tryna make small talk.”

“Believe it or not, I’m actually not interested in speaking with you.” Dan nearly spat slapping Pete’s hand away. “Please just let me go and get back to the party.”

“I was expecting you to bring him over.” James continued ignoring Dan. “Where is your little boyfriend anyways?”

Dan narrowed his eyes into slits deciding not to say anything figuring their insults would run dry and he could go.

“Answer him.” Pete growled digging his nails into Dan’s arm. “Don’t tell me that fucker passed on the stupid on to you too. Say something!”

“Fuck off.” Dan glared ripping from their grip walking away.

“We’re just trying to have a nice chat. Come on now.” Pete laughed following Dan, grabbing his wrist to pull him back in the lounge. “We’re not done talking to you yet, fag.”

“Stop it. Seriously, you’re not being funny. Call me what you’d like, I don’t really give a fuck, but don’t you say anything about him.” Dan replied trying to pull his wrist from Pete’s grasp.

“Why are you even wasting your time with that freak?” James demanded. “He’s certifiable mental.”

“Don’t say that about him. You don’t even know him.” Dan replied trying to keep his cheeks from flushing, eyes narrowed into slits.

“Struck a nerve, did I?” James teased. “So when are we going to meet Philly? Can’t keep him all to yourself.”

“Yeah, we’d just like to have a nice chat with him.” Pete laughed as James joined in.

Dan tore away from Pete’s grasp and bit his tongue so he wouldn’t say anything else.

“I’ll see you in school Monday.” Dan mumbled towards Allison and Tyler before dashing out the front door.

“Dan!” Allison called running after him.

Dan ignored her and pressed forward. He wasn’t mad at her, or Tyler for that matter. He just needed to get out of there before he tackled those dickbags to the ground. He personally didn’t care about getting hurt, or even a few broken bones if it meant standing up for Phil, but his parents would freak out and forbid him to leave his room until he was completely healed.

“I’d rather not talk.” Dan sighed once Allison caught up to him.

“I’m so sorry they said those things-”

“Don’t be. I’m just - I’m going to go home. I’ll talk to you later.”

Before she could protest, Dan pulled her into a hug wrapping his arms around her neck. She hugged him back nodding.

“Okay. Just text me if you need me for anything, alright?” she asked holding him at arms length pulling out of the hug.

Dan nodded and gave her a thin smile, then walked down the block. He felt Allison’s eyes on him until he turned a corner down a random street. He wasn’t expected home for a while yet and he didn’t want to have to explain to anyone why he was home so early. He wandered around aimlessly replaying that scene over and over again in his head. Dan didn’t realize he started crying until a tear tickled his chin, making him wipe it away quickly. He blinked back the rest before they could fall and looked around to see he wasn’t too far from Phil’s house. He checked his phone hoping Phil was still awake and made his way there.

“Phil!” Dan called once outside his window tossing pebbles against the window.

Of course not sleeping, Phil immediately heard the pebbled hitting his window. He placed his pencil on the desk and walked over to the window. He opened it up and stuck his head out, having no way to talk to Dan- he was too high up to sign to him.

“Are you doing anything?” Dan called up feeling a million times better just seeing Phil’s face. “Can you come down?”

Phil was -of course- confused, but nodded anyway. He closed the window and quickly changed out of his uniform and grabbed his sketchbook. He walked out his front door to meet Dan.

“Hi.” Dan smiled, his voice cracking as he pulled Phil into a tight hug. “Thanks for coming down. Do you want to come over?”

Phil agreed, holding half onto his sketchbook and half onto Dan’s side in the hug.

“Good. Okay, good.” Dan nodded taking Phil’s hand in his, staying just a little bit in front of him in case he started crying.

He doesn’t need Phil to comfort him. Dan led Phil back to his house, stopping outside the front door.

“We have to be really quiet, okay? Like even going up the stairs. Try not to make a sound.” Dan whispered sliding the key in the door then turning off the alarm system.

Phil could have laughed as Dan told him not to make a sound, but focused on their current task. He crept in behind Dan, noticing the hallways a lot dimmer than usual- and empty. Dan slid his hand into Phil’s and snuck up the stairs, trying to not allow the taps of their feet on the marble staircase echo throughout the house. Once they were in Dan’s room, he turned the light on and closed the door, thankful that the walls were thick and his parents had no way of hearing them now. Dan plopped himself on his bed and kicked his shoes off, grateful to be home and away from that stupid party. Phil sat down on the other side of the bed, sitting up against the headboard as he flipped his sketchbook back open to what he was currently working on. Dan smiled at Phil and felt his heartbeat slow down as he started feeling calmer. Phil was clueless and that’s how he’d like to keep it. He figured James and Pete tortured him enough, he doesn’t need to hear anymore.

Dan got up off the bed tugging his shirt off over his head and stepping out of his skinny jeans. He grabbed an extra blanket from the end of his bed and wrapped it around his chest sitting next to Phil, resting his head on his shoulder.

Phil continued to draw, not really paying mind to Dan’s actions but more on his lack of speaking. He put the pencil in his lap for a moment and signed ‘You’re not saying much.’ before picking up the pencil again.

“Not much to say.” Dan shrugged, stretching up to kiss Phil’s cheek.

Part of him wanted to be honest and tell Phil what was going on, but the other part didn’t want to burden him. He figured that if Phil persisted, he’d say something otherwise, they could just drop it.

Phil had no reason not to believe him. ‘You did go to the party?’ he signed.

“Yeah, but it was stupid.” Dan replied, feeling his stomach twist in knots remembering James and Pete’s words.

‘How so?’ Phil signed, drawing as Dan spoke.

“James and Pete just being dickheads.” Dan sighed, though now that he’s started, he doesn’t want to stop. “They fucking followed me up to the library and they saw - us. And I don’t really care, I mean I wasn’t going to pretend or anything. But the things they were saying - like it wasn’t a big deal. And you know what? It’s not even what they were saying about me. But the stuff they were saying about you. It took everything in me not to just - fucking kill them - and their big, stupid, attitudes and stupid faces and just - stupid names! I hate them so much.” Dan stumbled trying to voice everything buzzing around his head into words.

Phil placed a hand on Dan’s arm. He knew this bothered Dan a lot, and he didn’t want him to be upset.

“They’re so infuriating!” Dan continued with the comfort of Phil’s hand on his arm, just needing someone to rant to. “They’ve been taking shots at me since day one calling me posh and making fun of my stupid accent. I mean, my voice does sound stupid. And maybe they’re right about how dumb I look most of the time. I mean, I’m book smart, but not with anything else. And I guess they’re right about saying I’ve got something up my ass because I suppose I’m uptight sometimes and they’re right about me being a fag…” Dan rambled, his anger turning into acceptance.

Phil’s grip tightened on Dan’s arm, the drawing long forgotten as he listened to Dan’s words. Phil didn’t like it. He didn’t like the words spilling out of Dan’s mouth, the disappointment in his eyes as he stared at the blanket. He took a deep breath, thinking the word over and over in his mind. Thinking exactly how to say it so he wouldn’t mess it up. He quietly whispered “D-Dan,” he tried to make it as clear as possible, but the word was horribly stuttered, his voice sounding awful and it was so quiet he didn’t even know if Dan had heard.

“Hang on Phil. And they-” Dan stopped the pity party in his head realizing what just happened. “Wh-what? Did you? Did you _say_ something?” Dan stuttered, unsure of what to think.

Phil nodded, biting his lip and unsure if he could say it again. He opened his mouth, closing his eyes as he tried to force the word again. His lips found the pattern to say Dan’s name, but it was even quieter than the last- and more stuttered. He opened his eyes back up and put the pencil down on his lap, trying to make sure Dan was looking as he slowly signed ‘I love you.’

Dan stared at Phil, his mouth opening and closing like a fish. He realized how stupid he must look right now, but for once, Dan was silenced.

“You said _my name_.” Dan smiled, tears filling his eyes. “You said _Dan_.” he stated as if Phil wasn’t the one who said it.

Dan’s mind went completely blank - no thoughts buzzing around like they usually do. Just pure silence as he forgot about the party earlier, and James and Pete, and all their stupid insults, all of his expectations, and his parents, and even Christopher because Phil actually spoke and he chose to say Dan’s name of all things. Dan’s bottom lip began to quiver a bit, but he stopped it before it could really get started - pressing his lips onto Phil’s pouring out every good emotion and thought he had in him. He closed his eyes tightly to push the tears back and kissed Phil harder, smiling the biggest he had in the longest time. ‘I love you too.’ Dan signed back pulling away from the kiss for a moment.

Phil felt his heart race, he made Dan so happy and it made him feel amazing. ‘I learned because I wanted to tell you how much you mean to me.’ he signed, a small smile on his face.

Dan let out a tiny laugh shaking his head.

“I can’t believe you actually - I mean, you said my name! No one’s ever done anything like that for me before.” Dan near whispered, though there was no need to. “I love you, Phil. I really do.”

The corners of Phil’s mouth twitched into an even wider smile and he leaned against Dan a bit, his sketchbook being the last thing on his mind for the first time in a while. Dan adjusted himself, throwing his leg to the other side of Phil’s body so that he was on top of him, sitting in his lap. He kissed Phil again, pushing him down on the bed, tangling his fingers in Phil’s hair, then running them down to the front of his t-shirt. He dipped his fingers underneath Phil’s shirt and rested his hands on Phil’s chest, his lips never leaving Phil’s.

“I…love…you…” Dan panted into Phil’s mouth in between breaths.

Now that he said it, he felt like he needed to say it a million more times and tell everyone he knows, including Phil himself, just in case he forgot.

Phil’s breathing was heavy, he tried to stop himself from worrying. He wanted this- but naturally he couldn’t help but be afraid. Phil kissed Dan’s jawline, his head lifting off the pillows. He kissed down to his neck, hoping he didn’t ruin anything and Dan would hate it. Dan slightly tensed at the kisses on his neck, but Phil’s lips didn’t feel like an intrusion - they were welcome there now. He easily pulled Phil’s shirt off his head - both their hearts pounding in their chests. Dan had never gone this far with anyone before, and he knew Phil hadn’t either.

“Is this okay? Are you alright?” Dan asked placing soft kisses down Phil’s chest and all over his collar bones.

Phil nodded before his head rolled back into the pillows. He swallowed hard, letting out a shaky breath. Dan continued kissing down past Phil’s chest and over his stomach to his jeans, scooting himself down so he was sitting on Phil’s knees. He kissed over Phil’s navel and brought his fingers up to unbutton and unzip his jeans.

“You still okay?” Dan asked, trying his best to make Phil feel good, nipping gently at his hip bones.

Phil nervously picked his head up, nodding to Dan. He kept his head up, watching Dan as his cheeks filled with color. Dan pressed his hands on either side of Phil’s hip rubbing small circles on his skin with his thumbs kissing the inside of Phil’s thighs. He brought his head up for a moment climbing back in Phil’s lap, their boxers the only thing separating them.

“Are you sure, this is okay?” Dan asked slowly, looking into Phil’s eyes.

Phil nodded again, trying not to look scared or nervous. His legs shuffled a bit, not used to being this exposed. Dan smiled, pushing down his nerves figuring Phil had enough for the both of them. He kissed Phil’s lips a bit more roughly this time, needing more of him.

“Any time you want me to stop, just sign it or push me okay?” Dan asked moving down, dipping his fingers under Phil’s waistband and pulling his boxers off. Phil nodded quickly and helped Dan kick his own boxers off, watching Dan whilst he rid himself of his and tossed them to the floor carelessly.

“You’re so beautiful.” Dan whispered running his hands down Phil’s sides taking in his body.

He was a lot skinnier than Dan due to the lack of food Phil ate, his bones showing in an unhealthy way. Phil moved his body with Dan’s hands and arched his back when Dan started up with kisses on his chest again. Dan had no idea what he was doing, but seeing as Phil was reacting positively to it, he continued kissing, and started to bite leaving little red spots on Phil’s body in places where only Dan could see. He kissed up his collarbones and back to Phil’s neck again, biting and sucking to leave another purple bruise. He thought back to what his friends have said about sex, though they’ve only done it with girls before. It can’t be too different, can it? Dan rolled his hips into Phil’s, both of them already half hard deciding to just do what feels right. He placed his hands on either side of Phil’s head and lined himself up pushing in slowly, hoping he wasn’t hurting Phil. Phil’s eyes went wide as he felt Dan slowly moving in and reached for Dan’s shirt to hold for comfort before realizing they both weren’t wearing anything. Instead, he grabbed onto Dan’s arm and squeezed, breathing deeply to mask the pain. Was it supposed to hurt like this?

“Are you still okay?” Dan asked stopping once he saw Phil’s face.

Phil was naturally horribly tense, which only made the pain that much greater.

“I’ve never done this before so I might be doing something wrong. Do you want me to stop?”

Phil shook his head and rolled his head back into the pillow, teeth clenched, trying to fight through the pain as tears formed at the corners of his eyes. Dan was trying to figure out what to do so Phil wouldn’t be in pain, but when Phil turned his head back towards Dan and gave him a forced smile, he couldn’t.

“Just tell me to stop if it’s too much.” Dan sighed giving in. “I don’t want to hurt you. I love you too much to hurt you.”

Phil nodded again as Dan started pulling out, then pushed back in slowly. Dan let out an involuntary moan, thankful that his parents were on the other side of the house in their own wing and the walls were thick enough so a maid couldn’t walk by and accidently hear anything.

“Are you still okay?” Dan half whimpered hoping Phil was feeling as good as Dan.

Phil quickly nodded, the throbbing pain slowly subsiding into…something. He hadn’t really felt like this ever, but whatever it was, it was a good feeling. Dan smiled at Phil and roughly kissed him, moaning into the back of his throat while he slid his tongue into Phil’s mouth. Dan’s moans felt foreign in Phil’s mouth, the vibrations of it tickling his throat. He tried kissing back, moving his tongue with Dan’s hoping he was kissing him correctly. A fire began to burn in the pit of Dan’s stomach as he slowly pushed into Phil wondering if Phil was as close as Dan. Phil arched his back up, tightening every muscle in his body, his breathing becoming shallow. Whatever Dan did that time felt amazing to the point of Phil seeing stars and let out a small squeak. Dan’s breathing picked up trying to do that again to Phil loving the feeling of his muscles tightening. He moved around a little bit, trying to angle himself the way he did before and pushed in getting the same reaction out of Phil. Dan felt himself teetering on edge. Tilting his head back and biting his lip, he moaned Phil’s name over and over trying desperately to hit that spot again so Phil would feel as good as he did. Phil curled his toes, dropping his mouth open and rolling his eyes back to close as he reached his climax, letting out a small breathy noise. Dan pulled out of Phil panting and rolled over onto the other half of the bed. They both lay there for a few seconds, staring at the ceiling not saying a word - not needing to.

“That was-” Dan paused, rolling his head to look at Phil and smile, unable to find the right word. “I love you, Philip Lester.”

Phil signed back ‘I love you.’ he was panting and his body was horribly exhausted. Dan reached over and grabbed a few tissues from his dresser allowing Phil to clean himself up while he walked to his drawer grabbing two pairs of clean boxers tossing a pair over to Phil.

“I just want to sleep forever now.” Dan sighed pulling on his own and crawling back into bed with Phil.

Phil pulled the boxers on and turned to Dan. Not knowing what to do or say- he rolled close to Dan and nuzzled his head into Dan’s chest, his eyes closing, his body being exhausted from all of that. Dan wrapped his arm around Phil and tossed one of his legs over Phil’s body. He kissed Phil’s forehead and closed his eyes realizing that the worst night just turned into the best.

“Goodnight Phil.” he sighed hugging Phil tightly.


	18. Chapter 18

“Daniel?” a maid called knocking on the door.

She waited for a few seconds and still after no response, she opened the door and walked in with fresh towels. She looked towards the bed seeing a sleeping Dan, which at this time is expected, but curled up next to him was a boy she’d never seen before. They were laying a little too close to just be friendly, and from what she could tell, they weren’t clothed - at least their chests weren’t. She tiptoed out of the room scurrying down the hall.

“Mr. Howell, please excuse the interruption.” she started, walking into his office.

“What is it?” he asked barely glancing up from his papers.

“It’s Daniel, sir.”

“What’s wrong with him?”

“Um, it’s just, there’s another boy in his bed and they’re quite close. From what I can tell, sir, they’re not wearing anything either.”

Mr. Howell put his papers down and stared at the maid.

“Are you insinuating something about my son?”

“No! I-”

“I raised my son better than that. Leave. Get out of my office now.” he barked cutting her off standing up.

She bowed her head running out while Mr. Howell walked across the hall to his wife’s office.

“What was that about dear?” she asked putting a hand over her phone.

“Nothing. I’m just going to check on Daniel.” he replied pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Is something wrong with him?” she asked. “No, not you. I’ll call you back.” she told whoever was on the other line and hung up.

She walked around her desk to join her husband and walked down the hall and up the stairs to Dan’s room and knocked on his bedroom door, then opened it before they got an answer.

“Daniel James Howell!” Dan’s mum gasped throwing her hands over her mouth unable to believe her eyes.

“What the hell are you doing?!” His father shouted glaring at his barely awake son.

“Sleeping.” Dan mumbled keeping his eyes closed. “It’s the weekend.”

“Who is this?!” his father screamed gesturing towards Phil.

Dan’s heart dropped into his stomach realizing how this must look. He sat up ready to explain before he was cut off by his still enraged father.

“You. Out of this house. I never want to see you again.” he shouted at Phil. “And you. We’re having a serious talk. Get dressed and in my office now.”

The whole time Phil kept his eyes shut, gripping onto the sheets so hard his knuckles were white. As soon as he heard them leave Phil jumped out of the bed, throwing on his clothes as he was shaking horribly. He had to get out he had to leave and he wanted to do so as quick as he could. Phil was too utterly terrified to think about anything other than leaving and he picked up his sketchbook, eyes flicking to Dan, waiting for him to say something, anything.

“Phil…” Dan managed. “I’m so sorry. None of this is your fault, okay? Don’t listen to anything they say. I’ll talk to them. Are you going to be alright?” He asked pulling Phil into him for a hug hoping he wouldn’t have a panic attack.

Phil trembled in Dan’s arms, shaking his head slowly against Dan’s shoulder in response. He was afraid they’d see them, but he didn’t want to lose Dan. Phil shakily signed ‘I love you.’ again. He didn’t know when would be the next time he could say it. Dan dropped his head pulling on a shirt and sweatpants.

“I love you too. I’ll walk you out, but I’m afraid I can’t walk you home. I’ll miss you.” he sighed taking Phil’s hand in his leading him to the front door. “See you later.” he whispered kissing his cheek not caring if his parents saw.

Phil leaned into the kiss on his cheek and gave one last look to Dan before hurrying off towards his house. He felt the need to throw up, and he hoped he wouldn’t do so on the side of the road.

“Daniel! Get in here now!” his father called from down the hall.

“Coming!” Dan replied dragging his feet down the hall receiving a few apologetic looks from passing maids.

“Who is that boy?” his mother started leaning against the desk crossing her arms while his father was sat in the large leather chair behind the desk.

“You’d know if you asked him.” Dan mumbled looking up at his dad. “Phil. His name is Phil.”

“And what were you doing laying naked in a bed with him? I thought we raised you better than that.” Mr. Howell huffed.

“We weren’t naked! We had pants on!” Dan whined, his cheeks flushing.

“Why wasn’t he in the guest room if you were having a sleepover?” his mum accused massaging her temples.

“Because I didn’t want him to sleep in the guest room. I wanted him in my room with me.”

“He doesn’t belong on your bed! You know what that insinuates?” his dad screamed losing all patience with his son.

“No, dad! You tell me!” Dan shouted back, matching his father’s tone, while his cheeks went brighter red feeling flustered and angry and every other negative emotion, but he kept his composure.

“That you’re…you’re…doing things you should only do with a girl!”

“What if I don’t want to do those things with a girl?” Dan shouted back balling his hands into fists.

“What are you trying to say?” his mum cut in before his dad could say anything.

“That I love Phil! And I don’t want to date a girl right now, I want to date him!”

“NO!” His father screamed, his voice bouncing off the walls. “WE’VE GIVEN YOU EVERYTHING YOU’VE EVER WANTED. YOU’RE NOT GAY!”

“Yeah, I’m not gay. I’m bi-”

“I DON’T CARE WHAT THE TERM IS! THIS, ‘PHIL’, DOESN’T FIT IN WITH THE PLAN!”

“So what if he doesn’t?! Can’t we change it?!” Dan whined biting his tongue.

“And break years of tradition? No. You’re going to grow out of this whole… ‘gay thing’ and be back to liking girls in no time. It’s just a phase.” his mum cooed brushing Dan’s morning hair down trying to calm both Dan and his father.

“No I won’t! It’s not a fucking phase! No one’s ever told you that liking guys is just a phase you’ll grow out of!” Dan replied glaring at his mum breaking out of her grasp. “So why are you telling me that who I like is just a phase?”

“Because it is!” his father interjected. “You don’t like boys. It’s just not natural. And until you grow out of it, I don’t want you speaking with that, that gay boy again.”

“You can’t say that.” Dan nearly whispered. “You can’t say that! You can’t stop me talking to Phil!”

“I can. And if I do find out you have been talking with him, I will pull you out of that school and have Christopher homeschool you.” his dad snapped.

“Just give him a chance! Please!” Dan begged.

“I will not. You don’t love him. He’s just tricking you because he wants our wealth!”

“You wouldn’t say that if Phil was a girl, would you? You wouldn’t give a flying fuck if he was a girl! You’d pat me on the back, and give me a zillion pounds to spend on her!”

“That’s because you could actually have a future with a girl! Now go into your study. This conversation is over.”

Dan glared at both his parents seething with anger that they didn’t even care to hear what he had to say. He stormed out of their office, running down the stairs and across to his wing of the house, slamming the study door and pressed his fingers to his piano, flying across the keys while his cheeks stayed red.

“Something wrong?” Christopher asked walking into the study.

Dan ignored him continuing to play as fast as his fingers would allow, trying to pound out his parent’s words and orders. Do this, but don’t do that. Definitely don’t do that. It doesn’t go along with the plan. The plan. The plan this and that and up and down but no wiggle room - you do this and only this don’t think about doing that and-

“FUCK!” Dan screamed slamming his hands on the keys knocking the bench over on his way out.

He ran up to his room to grab his iPod and shoved the headphones in his ears turning the music all the way up. Pounding back down the stairs, he began to make his way out of the front door before Chris stopped him grabbing his wrist.

“Daniel.” He said, pulling out an earbud. “I can hear your music.”

“Yeah? I can too.” Dan snapped trying to pull himself out of Christopher’s grasp.

“What’s wrong? What happened?” he tried, taking on a softer tone.

Dan kept his lips shut not in the mood to talk to anyone. He ripped himself from Chris and walked out the front door shoving his earphone back in. He walked down the block blasting the last song he had on - “Resistance” by Muse, of course - and would have continued if Christopher didn’t stop him.

“I’m not sure what happened, but if you fought with your parents, do you really think it’d be smart to run out where they’d send out search parties and get even more angry?”

Dan looked at his shoes figuring Chris was right. He didn’t want to be pulled from his regular school to be homeschooled because then he’d never see Phil. His parents can stop him from coming over, but they won’t stop him from seeing Phil during school. He wordlessly followed Christopher back home deciding that once he got there, he’d lay out in his backyard by the fountain where he could be alone, yet supervised at the same time: a prisoner in his own home. Dan decided then and now, he wasn’t going to speak to anyone. He has no idea who told his parents about him and Phil, but he wasn’t going to take the chance with anyone. He couldn’t trust them. Once back home, Dan made a beeline for the back door and sat on the fountain ledge dipping his finger in the water. He pulled his legs up to his chest and rested his head on his knees, closing his eyes to listen to the music and circle his finger around in the water.


	19. Chapter 19

Come Monday, Dan kept his promise - he didn’t say one word since the argument with his parents, though it’s not like they’d notice. He’d barely eaten anything either seeing as he just couldn’t bring himself to feel hungry. He was woken up by his alarm clock after he decided no one would be allowed in his room, no matter how messy it got or what their reason was. He numbly got dressed in his uniform and looked at his hair in the mirror, not caring how curly it was. He left the house early so that he could walk to school before anyone could stop him. By the time he got there, the school was busy and buzzing with people talking about how great their weekend was. Dan stopped at his locker to drop his backpack off, then grabbed his books for English making his way into the half empty class.

“Hey Dan.” Allison smiled at him once he sat down. “Are you alright?” she asked a bit quieter.

Dan nodded and opened his spiral and began doodling seeing the circles he made from his first day before he knew anyone: before he knew Phil.

“I’m not going to be at lunch today. I’ll be in the library again.” Dan mumbled unsure if Allison heard him or not.

“You’re not still upset about the whole James and Pete thing, are you? You shouldn’t let it bother you. Those guys are total dicks.”

Dan gave her a thin smile and nodded once, then turned to face the front, playing an invisible piano on his desk while Mr. Hayes began the class.

“What’s wrong with Dan?” he heard Chloe whisper to Allison.

“I don’t know.” she whispered back. “He said he’s not eating lunch with us today though. We need to keep James and Pete away from him.”

Chloe nodded and sat back in her seat. Dan could feel her eyes on him, but he couldn’t bring himself to really care. He just wanted it to be lunch time.

As lunch approached, Dan couldn’t be happier. He threw his things in his locker and made his way upstairs wanting more than ever to see Phil. He ran over to the corner expecting to see Phil, dropping his head when he didn’t. He wasn’t in English this morning and from what Dan could tell, he wasn’t in any of his other classes either. He sighed running his hands through his hair hoping his parents didn’t send Phil into a horrible attack that he was having trouble recovering from. Dan’s thoughts were silenced as Phil came into view, running up to Dan and hugging him tightly, nuzzling his face into Dan’s neck. Dan hugged Phil back closing his eyes shut and hugging Phil harder if that were even possible. Dan took deep breaths to steady himself so he wouldn’t start blurting out a million things, or even break down in Phil’s arms. Phil gripped onto Dan’s t-shirt on his back, not wanting to let him go. Dan felt a few eyes on them, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. In fact, he wanted people to stare. He wanted everyone to know how much Phil meant to him and how much he loved him and how letting him go would be the worst thing to ever happen to him. Phil pulled away a bit, holding onto Dan’s t-shirt. He pulled him over to his beanbag chair, where his sketchbook already sat. Phil pulled Dan down with him in the small chair, laying his head on Dan’s chest.

‘I really missed you.’ Dan signed taking his arms away from Phil only for a second.

Phil let go of Dan’s shirt, but keeping his head on his chest. ‘I was worried about you.’ he signed.

Dan smiled and let out an exhausted laugh. ‘I was worried about you too.’ he signed.

Phil just sat there, holding onto Dan with his head on his chest, his eyes fluttering shut. Dan let out a sigh, perfectly content staying here with Phil. He didn’t want to go to his locker or his next class, or even home. He just wanted to sit in their pocket of the library undisturbed, cuddling with Phil and forget everything his parents said. None of it mattered right now anyways.

Phil started running his finger lightly across Dan’s chest, drawing small patterns through Dan’s thin uniform. Dan looked up at the ceiling blinking away the tears knowing he won’t ever be able to do this with Phil at all once summer starts. There’d be no secret cuddles in the library or even signing to each other. Dan would have his internship at his dad’s office and studies with Christopher afterwards. Even after that, the chance that he’d be allowed out of the house until he obtains a girlfriend is slim to none. For a second, he thought about asking Allison to be his pretend girlfriend, but he couldn’t do that to her. Even though she’d know they were both pretending, the fact that she still has a crush on him would hurt her too much to pretend and Dan couldn’t do that to her.

‘I don’t want you to leave.’ Dan signed holding on to Phil, burying his face in his hair.

Phil continued to draw on Dan’s chest, his fingers lightly grazing over the fabric of Dan’s shirt. He wasn’t drawing a specific item, but more a series of patterns he couldn’t possibly keep track of. Phil’s finger tracing along Dan’s shirt comforted him more than anything else ever could. He knew the bell would be ringing in just a handful of minutes and that they couldn’t lay there forever, but Dan didn’t want to think of that until the last possible second.

‘It’s okay if you don’t want to do it here, but can you just try to say my name again? Just to help me through the rest of the day.’ Dan signed feeling horrible the second he asked. ‘You really don’t have to. It’s okay.’

Phil knew the first time Dan heard it he wasn’t paying attention, so he had to try. He hadn’t practiced since that night so he knew it was going to take a bit, and it wouldn’t sound good at all. Phil sat up off of Dan’s chest, but staying so close he was almost sitting on his lap. Phil swallowed a few times, and he figured out he had to mouth the word a few times to get used to it. It took quite a while to get the sound out, and it was awfully quiet- but it was Dan’s name, no matter how stuttered or spaced out.

‘Thank you.’ Dan signed pulling Phil into another hug wiping his eyes so Phil wouldn’t see. ‘Let’s do this every day. We can sit up here and sign to each other. My parents said I can’t talk to you, they didn’t say anything about signing.’ he smiled blinking away the rest of his tears.

Phil noticed them right away, coating Dan’s brown eyes and making them slightly red. Phil sat up on Dan’s lap and leaned his forehead against Dan’s, cupping his cheek. Phil lightly kissed under Dan’s eyes, not wanting him to be sad but knowing it was inevitable. Dan smiled and let out a little laugh, unable to believe how adorable Phil is. Dan leaned forward far enough to peck Phil’s lips just before the bell rang, ending their lunch period. ‘Same time tomorrow?’ Dan signed walking towards the door with Phil.

Phil nodded, holding onto his sketchbook tightly as he quickly started off toward his class he wasn’t even planning attending until Dan showed up.

***

A week later

“Daniel, will you come to your lesson now?” Christopher asked from the other side of Dan’s bedroom door.

Dan lay on his bed, a hand casually laying on his stomach trying to find patterns in the ceiling.

“It’s been a week. You’re going to have to study at some point. You can’t keep up this whole angsty teen thing forever.” he tried again.

Dan rolled onto his side looking at the wall where the drawing Phil gave him hung. He pulled it off and hugged it tightly to his chest, shoving it under his pillow when the door opened.

“Come on. Get up.” Chris ordered tapping Dan’s leg.

Dan sighed in response.

“You’re going to have to come down and eat. Chef made your favorite tonight. Aren’t you hungry?”

Dan shrugged biting his thumbnail.

“Will you talk to me? You’ve been like this for an entire week now: no speaking, no eating. You’re losing weight. When was the last time you ate?”

Dan shrugged again, not really caring about that. He ate enough to keep him alive. He just didn’t have an appetite.

“Daniel,” Chris sighed getting up to close the door, “say something.”

Dan shook his head closing his eyes. The last time he felt weight on the other side of his bed with the door closed was the last time he had Phil over. He tried to pretend he was with Phil again, but despite his efforts, he just couldn’t.

“Is this about the fight you had with your parents a week ago?” Chris asked, deciding he should start somewhere.

Dan nodded.

“They didn’t tell me what that was about. Will you fill me in?”

Dan shook his head.

“Maybe I can fix it. I can talk to them and try to reason. At least give me a chance.”

A chance. That’s all Dan wanted. If they could just give Phil a chance, they’d love him too.

“I’m dating someone.” Dan started figuring that was a good place to begin.

“Alright, and?”

“And,” Dan sighed sitting up to face Chris, “and Phil’s a guy. And my parents don’t like that but they won’t even give him a chance.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Well, is that all?”

“Is that all?!” Dan screamed, his cheeks flushing, mimicking his parents. “ _It’s just a_ _phase! You’ll grow out of it! I don’t want you seeing him again! It’s not according to plan_ _!_ ”

“Daniel,”

“ _You have to stick to the_ _plan, Daniel. Date a nice girl and shower her in gifts. But don’t spend a pound on the guy who actually makes you happy! Happiness isn’t according to plan!_ ” Dan screamed, trying his best not to cry as his voice went raspy.

He grabbed a pillow from his bed and screamed into it as loud as he could until he tasted blood at the back of his throat. He felt Chris’s hand on his back patting, just waiting patiently.

“Better?” he asked once Dan lifted his head.

“No.” Dan replied shaking his head. “But that’s okay, I guess. I’m a Howell and Howells have certain ways of doing things, even if it means me being miserable for the rest of my existence. There’s really nothing you can do.”

“I’ll make a deal with you. I’ll talk to your parents and see if they can agree to give Phil a chance. I’ll do everything I can to convince them.” Chris started.

“In exchange for…?” Dan asked raising an eyebrow.

“You start coming back to your lessons and start eating properly. No matter the outcome.”

“How do I know you’re going to actually try though? You say so, but what if you just go up there and they tell you no?”

“You’re going to have to trust me, I suppose.”

“Trust you?”

“Yes. I’m afraid I’m your only option.”

Dan hugged his legs and thought about it. He really has nothing to lose. After a while, his parents would force him into lessons and shove food down his throat even if they had to tie him down to the chair, so he’d might as well try. Plus if he had to chose anyone, having to trust Christopher wouldn’t be too hard. He practically raised Dan, the least he could do was give Chris a chance.

“Okay, I trust you.” Dan nodded biting the inside of his cheek.

“I’ll talk to them tonight then when they’re off the clock. For now, will you at least eat something? You really aren’t looking very good.”

“Thanks.” Dan replied, trying not to smile at his own sarcasm.

“You know that’s not what I meant.” Christopher laughed ruffling Dan’s already messy hair. “Come on and let’s get some food.”

***

After dinner, Dan sat in his study for the first time since the fight and played a bit of piano to pass the time. He was nervous for Christopher and hoped that his parents wouldn’t just send him away without listening. He’d just gone into his father’s study and there was yelling already from both his parents, but not from Chris. Dan played a bit louder, not sure he wanted to hear the yelling and arguing, fearing that Christopher wouldn’t be able to make his parents see eye to eye. About a half hour later, Christopher finally walked back into the study. Dan stopped in the middle of his song and stood up, his heart pounding in his chest. Christopher looked exhausted, though reasoning with his parents was quite the task. He ran his fingers through his hair and looked up to Dan giving him a small smile.

“They’re allowing Phil to come to the house for dinner tomorrow night to meet him.”

“Seriously?! Thank you Chris!” Dan jumped, throwing his arms around him in a hug.

“It’s Christopher.” He replied patting Dan’s back. “But Daniel, you must realize, they’re going to be judging him on everything he does from the second he walks in the door. The way he’s dressed, how he walks, how he speaks-”

“He doesn’t speak.” Dan cut in pulling away from Chris. “He’s mute.”

“So that’s why you took a sudden interest in all that Psychology.”

“Yeah, but mum and dad don’t know.”

“They will tomorrow night. Any plans?”

“I’ll - um…he can just sign to me what he wants to say. We’ve been practicing a lot. Since I’m not allowed to talk to Phil, we just sign everything, so I’ve been getting better.”

“If you’re comfortable doing that-”

“I am. I’ll do _anything_.”

“Right. Be sure he’s dressed appropriately then. Have him be sure to hold his head high, push his shoulders back, and walk with purpose.”

“I know.” Dan nodded biting his lip wondering if that were even possible.

Christopher nodded and sat at his desk, kicking his feet up and opening the current book he was reading like none of this happened at all. Dan smiled, leaving the study to go up to his room stopping at the door.

“Thank you, Christopher. Seriously, it really means a lot.”

“You’re welcome. I’m looking forward to meeting your Philip.”

“It’s just Phil.”

“Your Phil.”

Dan nodded and made his way up the stairs to his room. “My Phil.”


	20. Chapter 20

Dan brought two of his tuxes to school and hung them in his locker so they wouldn’t wrinkle at all. He quickly carried his things to English before school started knowing Phil would be there.

“I know this is a lot to ask and really short notice but this is the only chance I’ll get so I have to tell you now and I really need you to say yes because if you don’t we’re never ever going to get this chance again and I don’t want to scare you but it’s really important that you come because it took Christopher a whole ton of time and energy arguing with my parents so please come.” Dan panted, talking at a million miles an hour looking down at his hands.

Phil just sat there, not even sure what Dan was asking him. His pencil hovered over his sketchbook as he waited for Dan to explain.

“Will you come to dinner at my house to meet my parents? Tonight?” Dan asked slowing down enough, and looking right at Phil.

Phil swallowed harshly, looking down at his notebook. He really, really didn’t want to, but it was obvious it mean a lot to Dan. He looked back up and nodded. He needed to shower, he needed something nice to wear- he wasn’t even there and he was nervous. Phil was already sure they wouldn’t like him but that doesn’t stop him from trying.

“Good. Oh god, I’m glad.” Dan sighed looking back down at his hands. “Dinner is at 6 sharp. I was able to get Chris to cover for me so if you want, I can come over and help you get ready and stuff. I brought one of my tuxes from home that you can wear and it’ll be a little big on you like all of my things are but we can work around it and it’ll give me time to show you how to deal with my parents and stuff like how to sit at the table and walking and stuff and it’s so stupid, but there’s a certain way you have to do things and it’s going to be hard and scary but I know you can do it.” Dan rambled trying to list off everything in his head that he had to do in the little time they had.

The more Dan talked, the more nervous Phil became. He just nodded and turned to his drawing, he’d deal with it when they got to his house. Dan breathed out, overwhelmed with everything he’d need to teach Phil, but the more he thought about it, the sillier it seemed. Sure, he’d still have to wear a tux, but what does it matter how he walks or eats? Dan wants his parents to meet Phil for who he is. Not some trained dog. He placed his hand over the one Phil wasn’t using to draw.

“Forget about the walking and sitting thing. You just do what you want. But I want to see you in a tux, so you’re not getting out of that one.” he smiled.

Phil flipped his hand around and entwined their fingers, though he knew class would be starting soon and he continued to draw. Dan lifted their hands so he could kiss Phil’s. Just meet me by my locker after school and I’ll have everything ready, okay?” Dan asked getting up to go back to his own seat before everyone came in. Phil nodded so Dan sat back in his desk tapping his pencil hoping the day will go by fast. He stared at the clock watching the seconds slowly tick by.

***

The second the final bell rang in Trignometry, Dan booked it out of class and to his locker to grab their tuxes. He tossed his books in his locker not caring where they fell and slammed it waiting for Phil.

Phil met Dan at his locker, eyes scanning over the tuxes quickly before grabbing Dan’s hand and getting them out of the hallway that started to fill with people. Dan held the tuxes high so they wouldn’t scrape against the ground and ran with Phil unable to stop his heart from pounding. He felt nervous about tonight right now, he had no idea how he’d handle later. Once they got to Phil’s house, Dan followed him inside and up to his room.

Phil threw his sketchbook on the bed and turned to Dan. ‘I need to have a shower.’ he signed, already heading off towards the bathroom. Dan nodded and sat on Phil’s bed bouncing slightly. He figured he’d might as well get dressed while he waited. He loosened his uniform tie and tossed it on Phil’s bed and unbuttoned his shirt leaving it hanging open while he began taking his clothes off his hanger. He looked around Phil’s room for some deodorant or cologne or something seeing as the run from school to Phil’s house left him sweaty and smelling like death.

Phil emerged from the bathroom, a white towel wrapped around his waist, his hair wet and dripping all over his shoulders and chest. Dan turned to Phil about to ask to borrow something, but lost his words. He looked him up and down, subconsciously biting his lip watching the drops of water that fell on his chest run down his body and disappear under the towel.

“Do you - uh, that thing - the stick?” Dan asked knowing he wasn’t making any sense. “You look really fucking hot right now.” he decided on saying figuring that’s all he’d be able to get out.

Phil’s eyes widened, his cheeks automatically turning red. Phil chewed his lip, looking down at the ground- having no idea how to respond to that. Dan smiled loving how adorably innocent Phil was when it came to things like this. He reached out for Phil’s hand, giving it a squeeze noticing he was shaking quite badly. He led Phil to his bed and had him sit down while Dan squatted in front of him.

“Phil, what’s wrong? Are you okay?” Dan asked knowing this wasn’t a reaction to his comment.

Phil continued to look at the ground. ‘I’m just scared.’ he signed.

“About meeting mum and dad?” Dan asked nodding. “If it helps at all, I already love you.”

Phil nodded, looking back up to Dan and pecking his cheek.

“Hey, it’s okay.” Dan whispered raising a hand to Phil’s cheek.

He pressed his lips to Phil’s standing up, then bending over him, pushing Phil on the bed so he was laying on it sideways.

Phil kissed back as best as he could, his hands holding Dan’s shoulders. Dan places soft kisses down Phil’s jawline, kissing over the hickies he left, then kissed down his chest. Memories from Dan’s room floated back into memory making Dan smile. He continued kissing Phil all the way down to his towel, stopping at the soft material taking high offense to its presence.

Phil chewed his lip, trying to keep his head up to watch Dan. His feet shuffled a bit- as if impatient. Dan laughed softly at Phil’s adjustment dipping his fingers under his towel.

“May I?” he asked, locking eyes with Phil.

Phil swallowed and then nodded, biting his lip. Dan slowly pulled Phil’s towel back, his heart beating in his ears. He brought his lips down kissing Phil’s hips and thighs pushing his legs apart just enough to nip at the insides of his legs. He moved his hands all around Phil while his lips got closer and closer to Phil. He bit at the sensitive skin making Phil’s breathing shallow noticing he was getting harder by the second. Dan kissed up Phil’s leg purposefully skipping over Phil’s quickly growing erection and onto his hipbones to bite there.

Phil’s breathing quickened when Dan skipped from his legs to his hips. His chest rose and fell quickly while he bit his lip harder. His heels dug into the bed, subtly raising his hips and spread his legs a little.

“Getting a bit excited, are we?” Dan asked laughing quietly lifting his lips only to speak, then bringing them back down immediately to bite more at Phil’s pure, white skin.

Phil’s cheeks couldn’t get any darker and he nodded a little.

“Don’t be embarrassed.” Dan whispered knowing without looking that Phil would be blushing. “It’s cute.”

Dan kissed across Phil’s hip bone to the opposite one biting harder than he did on the first one, leaving a light teeth impression on Phil’s skin. He flicked his tongue out to rub away the pain, then moved his head down, licking up Phil’s hard on, blowing cold air on him to tease him a little bit more.

Phil’s eyes shot open wide, grabbing onto the sheets as he bucked up into the air. He felt a bit embarrassed, looking down at Dan. Dan bit his lip and winked at Phil, resting his hands on either side of his hips knowing there’s no way he’d be able to stop himself from gagging if Phil thrust into him. Dan wrapped his lips around Phil’s cock and swirled his tongue around, hoping he was doing alright. He moved his head down lower trying to get an idea of how far he could go and began to suck. Dan flicked his eyes upwards to look at Phil and make sure he was doing alright and making him feel good - hoping he forgot about meeting his parents in a few hours. Dan brought his head back up, flicking his tongue across the slit, then brought his head back down sucking just a little bit harder. Dan let out a quiet moan wondering if Phil liked it.

Phil’s eyes were shut in pleasure, his heels digging into the bed and his head rolled back. Dan tried his best not to smile and closed his eyes tight trying to go further down on Phil. He felt Phil at the back of his throat making him pull off quickly so he wouldn’t be sick. He blew cold air on Phil’s completley hard dick, flicking his tongue across the slit until he stopped feeling like he’d throw up, then went back down taking note not to go that far just yet. He started sucking again and moved his head faster than he was before.

Phil was panting rapidly, forcing himself not to buck his hips up. He felt a similar feeling to last night and looked up to Dan, forcing his eyes open in a sort of warning. Dan’s fingers tapped on Phil’s protruding hip bones, sucking harder, squeezing his eyes shut tight as he tried to go further down on Phil again.

Phil threw his head back onto the bed as he came undone, feeling waves of pleasure hit him hit him all at once. Dan swallowed figuring as far as politeness for blow jobs go, spitting it out would be rude. He pulled off Phil with a pop once he was sure Phil was done and smiled at him, proud of himself that he was able to put Phil in such a tired and worn out state with only his mouth. Hopefully he tired Phil out enough to calm him and ease some of his nerves. Dan checked the clock grateful they still had another hour and a half before dinner started. He lay down next to Phil kissing the tip of his nose, then stood up busying himself with his tuxedo.

“Don’t mind if I dress in front of you do you?” he asked jokingly. “Once you recover, I suggest you get dressed because one, it’s better we’re early than late, and two, I really can’t fucking wait to see you in a tux.”

Phil nodded, laying there for a bit before standing up. He got himself dressed quite quickly, and tried to make his hair look nice in the mirror. Dan walked up from behind Phil and wrapped his arms around him, resting his head on his shoulder. ‘You look amazing.’ he signed in the mirror.

Phil smiled and tilted his head to kiss Dan’s cheek.

“Ready to go?” Dan asked out loud smiling at Phil’s reflection.

***

Once they got to Dan’s house, they stood outside the door while Dan made final touches on Phil, brushing off some hair from his shoulders and fixing his tie.

“Here we go.” he smiled holding his hand and pushing the door open.

He led Phil to the dining room table. Dan checked his phone to see it was 5:58 so his parents should be coming soon. The table was set how it would be for Christmas dinner with the good plates and a million forks and spoons. Dan gave Phil a little nod letting him know he’d help with the etiquette stuff.

5:59.

Dan grabbed onto Phil’s hand standing behind their seats knowing it’s not proper to sit until the hosts (in this case, Dan’s parents) have arrived. Christopher would be joining them for dinner as well seeing that it was his idea so Dan found a bit of comfort in that.

30 seconds.

Dan’s heart picked up speed as Christopher walked in. Dan smiled and nodded at Chris and gave Phil’s hand another squeeze.

5…4…3…2…

Dan’s parents walked in from the other room, his father wearing a tux much like the rest of the men there while his mum wore a deep burgundy formal evening gown that complimented her skin tone flawlessly.

“Please, everyone, take a seat.” Dan’s father announced.

Dan pulled Phil’s chair out for him, then took his seat once Phil was settled. The table fell into an awkward silence for the first few minutes - no one daring to say anything. Dan squirmed in his seat accidently bringing the attention to him.

“Sit still.” his mum snapped. “We have guests here.” she nodded at Phil.

Phil nodded back, forcing his head to stay up and trying to make himself seem confident. He sat up straight in his chair, praying he was doing okay. Dan cleared his throat about to speak when Chef broke the silence as he and his servers walked in with the appetisers and salad. Dan let out a breath knowing that once they were eating, they’d at least have the clinking of silverware on plates to fill the room. Dan tapped Phil’s leg once hoping he’d understand to use the first fork on the furthest left looking at the three forks in front of him and seeing it as simple, but for Phil who didn’t study dining etiquette all his life, he must be confused. For safe measure, he held out one of his fingers and rested it on Phil’s leg.

Phil nodded and obeyed. He only ate a small amount, knowing he’d get full easily and he didn’t want to be rude and not eat what was given to him.

“So, Philip, is it?” Dan’s father began. “What are your plans for after high school? Doctor maybe? Or a lawyer, like Daniel?”

Phil bit his lip and set his fork down. He tried to think about what he was going to say- make himself sound impressive. ‘I’m studying art at the moment, but I’m not quite sure what I’ll do otherwise.’ he signed to Dan.

“He’s studying art.” Dan translated smiling at Phil and giving his knee a squeeze.

“Let the boy speak for himself.” Dan’s mum replied offhandedly, not bothering to look up at Phil.

Dan looked over to Phil wondering what he should do. Should he tell his parents he’s deaf? No, his dad asked Phil a question and he responded. Do they even know what mutism is? Does Phil want him telling them? Before Dan could say anything, his father spoke up again.

“Art. What do you plan on doing with a degree like that?” his father scoffed taking a sip of his wine. “I remember when Daniel told us he wanted to be an actor, but you know what I told him? I told him the truth! Everyone with half a brain goes into those fancy art things. It takes real intelligence to become a lawyer.”

“Dad!” Dan glared patting Phil’s knee. ‘Ignore him. He’s just trying to make you hate us so you won’t want to stay with me.’

Phil nodded, swallowing hard as he wasn’t sure if he should continue to eat or would that be rude? He chewed the inside of his cheek, throwing a glance to Dan. Chris wiped his mouth trying not to smile at Dan’s signed rash statement, knowing it was true.

“So Mr. Howell-” Chris started.

“Not now, Christopher. I’d like to know more about our guest.” Dan’s father rudely interrupted. “What’s with that hand thing? Is that some secret code?”

“No dad.” Dan replied rolling his eyes taking a sip of his own wine refusing to answer him.

“Stop your nonsense then Daniel. Let Philip speak!” he grunted taking another bite of salad and swallowing. “So Philip, how’s your financial status? Do mum and dad make enough, or do you expect Daniel here to pay for everything?”

“That’s enough, Dad!” Dan shot back. ‘Please don’t think of me any less just because that thing down there is my father.’

Christopher coughed again shooting Dan a careful look that Dan noticed but ignored. His dad has no idea what’s going on, he could say whatever he wants about them in Sign Language.

“Daniel, would you just let Philip answer? We’re not attacking him, just getting to know him.” his mum claimed as their salad plates were being traded away for their entrees.

“You are attacking him. Ask him normal things like what he likes to do or why he’s even dating me in the first place or something like that!” Dan replied holding Phil’s hand under the table.

“He’s not dating you!” Dan’s father replied, keeping his tone steady, though he could tell he was getting angry. “No son of mine will date guys. Now just let the boy answer my questions without the hand thing.”

“It’s Sign Language, dad.” Dan snapped, his cheeks beginning to flush. “He’s mute so he can’t answer you, but he’s trying. If you weren’t being so ignorant, you’d be able to see that.”

“Mute?” Dan’s father asked ignoring Dan’s insult. “What’s that supposed to mean? The boy never learned to talk?” he asked turning his attention towards Phil.

“Dad, that’s enough!” Dan snapped.

“No, I’m genuinely curious now. So Philip, by Daniel’s request, what do you like to do when you’re not trying to convert my son to be gay? Is that whole not talking thing a way to lure him in? Or are you just mental?”

Phil couldn’t look up anymore. He tensed up, his body starting to tremble and he didn’t stop it. His eyes closed tightly, trying to block out the man’s words.

‘Don’t listen to anything he says. He’s doing his best to spite you. Tell him to stick it up his ass.’ Dan signed while Chris tried not to choke on his food laughing.

“There you two go again with the hand codes. Speak to me like a regular human being! Did your father raise you in a barn?” Dan’s father asked, his face bright red.

Dan’s jaw dropped open having nothing to say and too shocked to check on Phil until it was too late. Phil stood up, not looking up as he walked out of the dining room, trying to remember where the exit was as held held his shaking hands.

“Dan, you stay, I’ll go talk to him.” Christopher whispered so only Dan could hear.

‘He’s having a panic attack! He needs me!’ Dan signed quickly.

‘I’ll take care of it, you speak with your father.’

‘Bring him paper. He likes to draw.’

Christopher nodded and excused himself from the table just as Dan’s cheeks were beginning to flush. He walked out of the potential war zone and found Phil lost in the hallway going towards the bedrooms.

“Phil? I’m Christopher. Why don’t you come with me in Daniel’s private study?” He offered holding out his arm. “Dan tells me you like to draw. There’s plenty of supplies in there if you’d like.”

Phil’s head was buzzing with Dan’s father’s words. Phil hesitated, but went with Christopher, hoping his shaking didn’t annoy him. Chris wrapped an arm tightly around Phil rubbing up and down his arm taking him in the study, closing the door behind him.

“This room is near soundproof to help Daniel study better. The acoustics are also good for his piano playing.” Christopher started showing Phil around. “This way we won’t have to hear World War Three in the dining room there. You may sit in my desk if you’d like. I’m afraid we don’t have proper drawing pencils or a sketchbook, but you’re welcome to use what you find.”

Christopher walked around to the printer pulling out a stack of paper and placing it in front of Phil, then pushed the pencil cup forward so he could choose which one was best.

Phil picked up a pencil, looking up to Chris before starting to outline him, trying to keep control of his trembling hands.

“You remind me of Daniel when he was young - I’m talking about four or five years old.” Chris started, a smile on his face knowing if Dan were here, he’d groan and ask him to stop. “He’d steal all the printer paper so he could draw pictures for his parents. They’d never hang them on the fridge though. So he’d give them to me. I believe I still have some in my bag, if you’d like me to get them out. Would that help?”

Phil’s eyes flicked up to Chris and he chewed his lip, before nodding. Christopher got up from his chair and walked around the desk to grab his messenger bag and began fingering through his papers. He pulled a stack out - most of them legal documents and Dan’s past school work - and found Dan’s drawings.

“His parents obviously didn’t encourage it seeing as he was to become a lawyer. But here’s one of my favorites.” Chris laughed smiling at the drawing before putting it in front of Phil.

It was good as any five year old’s drawing, as far as art goes. Dan had drawn himself sitting by his poorly drawn piano that was just a black square colored in with crayon while a poorly drawn Christopher sat on his desk across from him. On the bottom, Dan wrote out in his best handwriting, ‘Me and Chris playing’.

Phil picked up the paper, eyes scanning over the drawing as the corners of his mouth tipped up into a small smile. Chris pulled out another handing it over to Phil. It was a drawing of a monster - red and fuzzy with purple spots over him. It had sharp teeth coming from his mouth and green claws.

“This is the monster Daniel was convinced lived in his closet. He’d refuse to go to sleep without his teddy bear, and most nights, I’d have to sit in there with him and read until he fell asleep. He was always a fan of Winnie the Pooh, but as he got older, I was supposed to read him ‘real books’, though we’d have our secret Pooh Bear inspired bedtime stories.” Chris explained smiling fondly at the memory.

Phil listened to Christopher as he drew, taking small glances to him as he quickly calmed- which was surprising. Chris took both drawings back tucking them away safely with his other important papers smiling at his messenger bag like they held the memories of the past. He took a second to flick through some of Dan’s other drawings just for memory’s sake and stopped at one Dan drew of him and Christopher holding hands saying ‘Best friends’. He smiled at the picture remembering the day Daniel drew that one: he wanted to go to the park with the other kids, but his parents wouldn’t let him so he spent most of the day crying until Christopher found him and tickled all his tears away.

“Are you feeling any better, Phil? Would you like me to get you some water or anything?” He asked putting his bag back on the floor.

Phil looked up again, placing the pencil down as he shook his head. ‘Thank you.’ he signed.

‘You’re welcome.’ Christopher signed back. “I’m going to go check on everyone to be sure there were no fatalities. If they’re not finished, we’ll stay in here for a bit longer, but if they are would you be so kind as to join us for the rest of dinner?”

Phil chewed his lip, knowing he really didn’t want to but he didn’t want to turn him down since he was being kind to him. Phil nodded slowly, turning back to his drawing.

“By the way, if you really wanted to, I’d be happy to help you through speech therapy. You don’t have to decide anything now. It’s just an option available to you.”

Chris smiled and walked out the door back towards the dining room where he heard muffled talking rather than shouts which is a good sign.

“You learned an entire language just to speak with him?” Dan’s father asked sounding a bit dumbfounded.

“Yes. I did.” Dan sighed seeming absolutely exhausted.

“Why?”

“Because I was tired of him handing me notes. I’m sure he has to do that with a lot of people anyways. And he’s really intelligent if you just listen to him.”

“You didn’t even know him though. You didn’t know he’d be smart or anything. Why even give him the chance? You’re a good looking boy, Daniel. I’m sure you could have had anyone’s heart at that school.”

“I wanted his. He’s special. And I really like him.”

“Well, if he’s still willing to stay for dinner, I’d be willing to give him a proper chance.” Dan’s mum chimed in. “If you can spend days learning a new language to communicate with him, we can give him a few hours to get to know him, right dear?” She asked turning her attention towards her husband.

“I suppose so.” he sighed.

“And you’re going to apologize to him for being…yourself?” Dan pressed unwilling to bring Phil back until he was sure his father would behave.

“Howells do not apologize. They-”

“They do when they’re wrong. And you were wrong, dad.” Dan interrupted before he could finish that stupid ‘rule’.

“Christopher, would you bring Philip back in here?” his dad asked once he noticed the extra body in the room.


	21. Chapter 21

Once Phil was brought back in the dining room, Dan’s father apologized to Phil and invited him to stay. Dan smiled at Phil and sat at the table with him relieved that the rest of the night would go easier. After dessert, they gathered in the lounge for tea while his parents asked Phil genuine questions like what his favorite part of school was or if he had siblings. Dan was able to translate easily and after a few hours, his parents let them go. Dan took Phil’s hand and brought him up to his room closing the door and loosening his tie.

“You were amazing tonight. Even when my dad was being a dick. You handled it so well.” Dan smiled collecting Phil in his arms for a hug, kissing his cheek. Phil grinned and hugged Dan back tightly, not sure what to say after that. He wondered what they thought of him- once they’d actually given him a chance.

“Was Christopher okay? When you guys went off? I’m sorry I couldn’t go with. I wish I could have.” Dan sighed running his fingers through Phil’s hair. “Did he actually help and calm you down? What did he do?”

Phil’s eyes fluttered shut as Dan ran his fingers through his hair and he relaxed, leaning onto his hand. ‘He showed me drawings you made when you were young.’ Phil signed, closing his eyes again.

“I’m going to kill him.” Dan laughed, blushing bright red. “Honestly, how bad were they?”

Phil giggled silently, still not opening his eyes. ‘Cute.’ he signed.

“Yeah right.” Dan replied rolling his eyes kissing Phil’s forehead pulling away to get in comfier clothes.

He’d only taken off his shoes before there was a knock on his door.

“Come in.” Dan called tossing one sock on top of his shoes.

Christopher pushed the door open leaning against the frame smiling at both boys.

“I was cleaning up the office earlier and noticed you left this.” Christopher said holding out the drawing of him that Phil made. “It’s very well drawn and if you can do this under high stress, I can’t imagine how they’d look when you’re relaxed. Either way, would you like it back?”

Phil smiled at him and shook his head, he didn’t need to keep it. ‘Take it.’

“Thank you. I’ll put it with the others.” Chris smiled looking at Dan.

“Yeah, about that!” Dan began trying not to smile. “What did you tell him?”

“Nothing horribly embarrassing like how you used to cry to me come bath time and run out of there and around the house completely naked cause you thought you’d be sucked down the drain or-”

“Thanks. Christopher.” Dan blushed getting up to push him out, then taking a quick check over his shoulder. “But really, thanks. For taking care of Phil and convincing my parents and everything else I’ve never thanked you for.” he mumbled once they were out of the room.

“Stop mumbling, you mumbler.” Christopher replied. “And stand up straight. I taught you better.”

Dan threw his arms around Chris quickly for a hug and waited until he patted Dan’s back a few times before pulling away.

“Goodnight!” Dan laughed walking back to his room closing the door. “I’m so sleepy.” Dan yawned stepping out of his pants, jacket, and shirt and plopped on his bed only wearing his boxers. Phil did the same, laying on the bed next to him, playing with the blanket in his fingers, having nothing to do without his sketchbook.

“If you want to stay up for a bit and draw or something, I can get you paper or whatever.” Dan smiled poking one eye open to look at Phil.

Phil didn’t look at Dan and signed ‘No thanks. I wouldn’t want to leave and put you in danger of the monster in your closet.’ Phil smirked.

“Nooo!” Dan groaned burying his face in his pillow. “He told you that?”

Phil pulled Dan up so he could see what he was signing. ‘Oh dear, are you scared Dan? Want me to get your bear?’ Phil grinned.

“If I didn’t love you so much, I’d literally hate you.” Dan laughed wrapping his arm around Phil. “And by the way, joke’s on you cause you’re stuck being my bear now, so who really gets the last laugh?” he replied sticking out his tongue.

Phil smiled and cuddled into Dan, pulling the blanket over them. Dan sighed thankful his parents didn’t completely scare Phil away not wanting to imagine crawling into his bed that night without Phil. Their only condition was that they wouldn’t have to see anything as they still weren’t totally comfortable with Dan dating a guy. Dan didn’t care though, seeing as that’s what they were doing before, plus his parents weren’t around enough to catch them doing anything. He closed his eyes pecking Phil’s cheek mumbling an empty threat towards Christopher. And nothing was okay - not by far: Dan’s expectations were still quite high and he would still study Law and become a lawyer. He still has to follow the plan for the most part, but at least now he could do it with Phil. He wouldn’t have to go through it alone and that somehow made everything alright.


	22. Chapter 22

_Years Later_

Phil greeted everyone with a bright smile, shaking everyone’s hand that entered. He got plenty of congratulations from everyone that came in- though he hardly knew anyone. Phil made his way to the small waiting room that he was designated. He looked at himself in the mirror, trying to fix his tie, messing with his hair. He took a deep breath, twisting the engagement ring on his finger before he heard a soft knock on the door. He sighed inaudibly and walked over to the door, opening it to see Dan’s father.

“May I come in?” Dan’s father asked Phil, looking around the room to be sure Daniel wasn’t in there. Phil quickly nodded and stepped to the side, allowing him to walk in as he closed the door behind him.

“Thank you.” he nodded taking a seat on the couch motioning for Phil to do the same.

Once he was sitting, Dan’s father took another deep breath and looked around the room - trying to decide on how to begin.

“You know, I never expected Dan to marry someone other than a woman. I always imagined I’d have this chat with his bride-to-be before she walked down the aisle.” he began as Phil gulped. “But I’ve never seen my son this happy before. Not even as a child. I was convinced this would be a phase, and I’d have a daughter-in-law. I never considered the thought that Daniel wouldn’t want that.” he paused looking around the room, then at Phil, placing a hand on his shoulder. “But if I did have to choose someone for Daniel to marry, it would be you. You just make him so…happy. The day before he proposed, he actually talked to me asking me how I’d feel about it. You know what I told him?”

Phil listened carefully, playing with his fingers in his lap. He shook his head, waiting for the answer.

“I asked him what took him so god damned long.” his father laughed patting Phil’s shoulder. “Don’t look so nervous, kid. It’s your wedding day and the guy at the end of that aisle loves you like crazy. Welcome to the family, Phil.” Dan’s father smiled shaking his hand, holding it a bit too hard and stood up, walking out the door leaving Phil in the waiting room alone once again.

Phil smiled slightly, messing with his hair just a bit more and took a deep breath. He checked the clock and smiled - it’s finally time.

***

Dan stood staring at Phil, holding his hands ignoring everyone and everything else. He couldn’t wipe the smile off his face. His mum was crying happy tears, Allison held her “Best Man (rather woman)” bouquet of flowers, and the minister was saying something, but Dan was too focused on Phil - his soon to be husband.

“The grooms wrote their own vows. Daniel, would you like to start?”

Dan nodded and dropped Phil’s hands to sign his vows.

‘I have no idea how I got so lucky.’ Dan started, wiping a tear from his eye before it fell. ‘I suppose I should start by saying thank you for making me the happiest person on the entire planet. You mean everything to me and more, Phil, and I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you. In the words of Winnie the Pooh, ‘we will be friends until forever, just you wait and see.’ I love you Philip Lester.’

Dan grabbed Phil’s hands again, biting his lip. His heart pounded in his chest and he just wanted to kiss Phil now, but he had to wait until Phil said his.

“And Philip, would you like to tell Daniel your vows?” the minister asked.

Phil nodded, throwing a glance to Christopher in the audience. Phil swallowed hard, letting out a shaky breath as he looked Dan in the eyes. His lips parted, mind scanning over every word he memorized and rehearsed for so, so long. His lips found the words and he spoke quietly, it took several years to form an actual voice, and Phil was proud of it.

“Dan,” Phil smiled. “That was the first thing I learned to say. The first word I decided to speak aloud. I chose your name for so, so many reasons. You changed me and my life immensely, as soon as you entered it. I could say I don’t know where I’d be without you, but; truth be told I’d probably have rotted away with a piece of paper and a pencil,” Phil smiled wider, his eyes filling with tears. “And I can’t thank you enough. For everything. I used to think my only purpose was drawing- but you gave me different reasons to wake up in the morning. You being the biggest.

I love you, Daniel Howell.”

Dan let out a breathy laugh, his stomach doing flips hearing Phil properly talk for the first time. Throughout his lessons with Christopher, Dan wasn’t allowed in the room. Hearing Phil say his vows was more than Dan could handle. A few tears fell while the congregation cooed a chorus of ‘aww’.

“If I didn’t love you so much, I’d literally hate you right now.” Dan smiled using his sleeve to wipe his tears away.

Phil grinned back at Dan, proud he was able to make him so happy. He looked into the audience and gave a smile to Christopher, a silent thank you for making this happen. Chris nodded back while the minister clasped his hands together.

“Presentation of rings.” He announced while Dan and Phil reached into their pockets to grab each other’s rings.

“I Daniel, give you Philip, this ring as an eternal symbol of my love and commitment to you.” Dan smiled holding out Phil’s hand, sliding the ring on.

Phil smiled and watched the ring being placed onto his finger. In return, Phil swallowed again, racking his brain and preparing himself to speak again. “I Philip, give you Daniel, this ring as an eternal symbol of my love and commitment to you,” Phil stared into Dan’s eyes as he slid the ring onto his finger.

“By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husbands. You may now kiss your groom.” he announced standing back.

Dan brought his hand up to Phil’s cheek, staring into his eyes for a moment just to capture and commit everything to memory. He tugged gently on the ends of Phil’s black hair and leaned in colliding their lips together.

“I present to you, the newly married couple, Daniel and Philip Howell.” he announced over the clapping before they finished their kiss.

Dan reluctantly pulled back and smiled at his husband, unable to believe this was his real life. He felt like at any moment, he’d wake up from a dream because real life just can’t be this wonderful. He grabbed Phil’s hand and walked back down the aisle and out of the front doors to the church, excited to begin the rest of his life with Phil.

***

The alarm went off forcing Dan to wake up. He slammed his hand down on the buzzing object and rolled over to face Phil.

“Good morning.” he smiled, voice thick with sleep as he pecked Phil’s nose.

He climbed out of bed, jealous that Phil is able to work from home and gets to sleep in however late he wants. After a quick shower, Dan got dressed in his suit and tie and looked around the lounge smiling. Their walls were covered with artwork from Phil and a few failed attempts from Dan.

“You hungry for breakfast?” Dan asked as he moved about the kitchen to start a pot of coffee.

Phil nodded lazily, shuffling into the kitchen still half asleep. He sat down on a dining room chair and watched Dan in the kitchen. Dan popped two slices of toast in the toaster for Phil knowing better than to talk to him before he’s had some breakfast. Dan poured himself a bowl of cereal and walked around the table to put it down on his side, purposefully making the longer trip to kiss Phil.

“Ugh, you taste like morning.” Dan smiled poking his tongue out to grab Phil’s breakfast.

Phil pouted his lip out, pretending to be offended. It quickly vanished when the toast was pushed in front of him, which he quickly started to eat.

“Do I have to go to work today?” Dan whined shoving his spoonful of cereal in his mouth.

He’d become a lawyer, just like his father, but it wasn’t as horrible as he thought. He was able to run the firm and found to be quite good in the courtroom winning nearly every case he was hired to work.

“I’d rather stay home with you.” he added taking another spoonful.

Phil smiled at Dan, setting down his toast. ‘And do what?’ he signed. He liked signing more than talking, it felt special- between him and Dan. Dan of course liked when he spoke, so he only really did it on special occasions.

“I think you know what.” Dan replied raising an eyebrow at Phil, then checked his watch. “Fuck, I really need to go.”

Dan got up and dumped the rest of his cereal down the sink and grabbed his already packed briefcase, running out the door closing it behind him. He was halfway down the hall when he realized he forgot something.

“Shit.” he muttered running back to their shared flat and pushed the door open.

Phil was standing in the kitchen putting his things in the sink and before he could protest, Dan spun him around and forced his lips onto Phil’s in a hasty kiss.

“Goodbye kiss.” Dan nodded panting from running. “Now I’m really late. I love you!” he called over his shoulder running out the door again.

Phil called back “I love you,” and shut the door behind him. He smiled and shuffled off to his room to begin drawing.


End file.
